For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Anesthesia Is Not a Truth Serum and That's No Lie!
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter regarding the husband who, while coming out of anesthesia, "confessed" to cheating on his wife.
You were dead on when you said, "People babble all sorts of nonsense when coming out of anesthesia." Some of it may be true, but most of the time it is not! I know from experience.
When I had knee surgery, I later learned that while I was in recovery I told the nurse I hoped Meredith wouldn't see me, as I looked horrible. When asked who Meredith was, I said she was my wife. Abby, I was 14 years old at the time!
I hope that the wife in that letter realizes that maybe her husband's confession was just the result of being in a completely different world. And hopefully, the husband's alleged mistress is only as real as my supposed "wife" was. -- GREGORY B., CINCINNATI
DEAR GREGORY B.: Thank you for sharing your experience. Believe it or not, I got a rash of mail from people telling me I should not have printed that letter because it would deter people from having necessary medical procedures that require an anesthetic! What the hospital worker had actually done was share an old wives' tale. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: If it were true that "people coming out of anesthesia are completely incapable of lying," the police would be giving this as a test instead of polygraphs, neither of which are admissible in court as reliable indicators to convict someone. Other evidence is needed. -- JUANITA IN MELBOURNE, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: My husband had a colonoscopy, and when I met him in the recovery room he was still "under the influence." When I asked him how it went in there, he responded, "Well, we had Earth, Wind and Fire in there, and we were dancing all over the place." I replied, "I find that hard to believe, honey," and he said, "I won the dance contest!"
I would advise that wife not to believe what others say while coming out of anesthesia. -- CINDY IN ANN ARBOR, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: Since I have been giving anesthesia for more than 30 years, I feel somewhat qualified to comment on the nurse's statement that "It's impossible to lie under anesthesia." There are many classes of drugs given during anesthesia, and most of them only make you talkative and amnestic. I don't know of a single one that is guaranteed to produce the truth. I hope the woman who might be getting a divorce due to her husband's response reads this. -- PAT IN MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA
DEAR ABBY: It is my experience that much of the public refer to anyone wearing scrubs as a nurse. In fact, many other employees in health care wear scrubs, including lab techs, nursing aides and assistants, orderlies, housekeepers and unit secretaries. Assuming you are interacting with a nurse when, in fact, you aren't in a health care setting can lead to consequences ranging from annoying to downright dangerous.
There was no excuse for any employee in health care to have made such appalling comments. Especially in this age of overburdened health care workers and crowded hospitals, it is imperative that the public know with whom they are speaking, questioning, or taking instructions from in a medical setting! -- AN R.N. IN EUGENE, ORE.
Absent Hosts at Party Leave Guests to Fend for Themselves
DEAR Abby: I was recently invited to a party. The invitation stated a specific time for the event. I arrived on time, only to find the host and hostess not there. One left as we were arriving, and the other came in two hours late (at a ball game for a child).
Two of their children, ages 7 and 11, were home. I consider this to be extremely rude, as it happens every time they host a party. I say they do not consider the time of their guests to be important, and if they can't be present at the time stated on the invitation, then they shouldn't invite people over.
All the guests entertained themselves until the "hosts" got back. What are your thoughts on this? I will never accept another invitation from them. -- CAROL IN SPOTSLYVANIA, VA.
DEAR CAROL: I don't blame you. The "hosts'" manners were appalling. Frankly, I'm surprised any of the guests stayed around for two hours. I can only surmise they did it in order to be sure the children were properly looked after. Why anyone would accept a second invitation from such irresponsible, inconsiderate hosts is beyond me.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out that we are expecting our third child. This pregnancy was unexpected. Our youngest is now 7. I gave all my baby stuff away to friends and family after our second daughter was born.
We are not in the poorhouse, but it would definitely be nice to have some help. To be honest, I am also excited about the idea of a shower because it has been so long since I have been pregnant.
I want to have a baby shower, but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate because this is our third baby. Are there any rules saying you should have a baby shower only with your first? Please help. -- EXPECTING IN OHIO
DEAR EXPECTING: According to Emily Post, "It is all right to give showers the second, or even third, time a couple has a baby. But only when the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends, and guests who didn't attend a shower for the first baby."
The shower should be hosted by a close friend of yours or a member of the family. Today people understand that every baby deserves to be celebrated, and that's a step forward from the "old days," when people felt that baby showers were "one to a customer."
DEAR ABBY: I am a Jewish teenager with a huge problem. There are many kids in my school who will not stop telling offensive Jewish "jokes." In the beginning it was kind of funny, but after months and months of it, the jokes have reached a whole new level. They are inappropriate, offensive and personal.
I have asked them many times to stop, but they never listen. Is there anything I can say that will get the point across that I really want them to stop? -- HURT IN MOORESTOWN, N.J.
DEAR HURT: Probably not. You have already tried and it didn't work. Now it's time to tell your principal what has been going on, because you are being scapegoated. The principal can see to it that the student body receives some sensitivity training -- and, if necessary, notify the parents of the guilty parties.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Tries to Focus Attention Away From Her Poor Eyesight
DEAR ABBY: I have been cross-eyed my whole life. I have had surgery, worn an eye patch, special contacts, and have worn bifocal glasses ever since I was 2. Now that I am 21, my "lazy eye" is less noticeable than before; however, it still crosses when I must focus on something tiny. It causes me to have severe double vision.
I work in a medical office, where I work hands-on with patients. While doing so, I tend not to wear my bifocals because my eyes only cross when I have to read small print. (And, being only 21, it's incredibly uncool to be wearing Coke-bottle glasses.)
Is there a nice way I can respond when older co-workers ask me to read small numbers at the front desk for them? Because I am younger, they often ask me to bring my "young eyes" to rattle off patient phone numbers. Although they are all aware of my problem, they pester me anyway, even though they know it's hard on my eyes. (The truth is, while they may have poor vision themselves, I am the only one with severe diplopia.)
Is there a nice way to get these old grannies off my back without having double vision for the rest of the day? -- DOUBLE-VISIONED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR DOUBLE-VISIONED: The magic words are, "Sorry, I can't help you. I'm not wearing my reading glasses." Then suggest to the "grannies" that they ask the office manager to buy a large magnifying glass to keep at the front desk.
DEAR ABBY: Ring, ring! Cell phone etiquette question. Certainly there must be some.
Every time I have one particular family member over, she brings her cell phone and normally has the ring tone on loud. Regardless of the volume, her calls always turn into a long, drawn-out conversation with one of her friends or other relatives. The volume of her cell phone isn't what bothers me as much as the fact that her visits are disturbed by her social life.
If it were a call from work, or some emergency she was expecting to hear back about, or even a child that needed attention, perhaps it wouldn't seem so offensive. I have my own phones at the residence but, unless I am expecting an important call, I normally don't answer it when I have guests over.
What can I say to people who think it's OK to take all their calls at my house during our visits, short of not inviting them and their phones into my home? -- "HUNG UP" IN SEATTLE
DEAR HUNG UP: Yours isn't a question about cell phone etiquette as much as it is about basic good manners. Explain to your family member how insulting it is when she carries on long, involved conversations while you sit there. A quick "I'm at my ( )'s, and I'll call you later," is permissible.
You could also post a sign on your front door that reads, "No Cell Phone Zone." Others have done it with some success.
DEAR ABBY: My brother is ticked off at me because I sing songs all the time. I sing a few lines, and he yells, "Stop!" Each time I make a little noise, he also demands that I stop. It seems like everything I do he tries to stop me from doing.
My parents try hard to get him to stop yelling at me, but he won't. I'm getting really frustrated. How can I solve this problem? (I'm 7.) -- FRUSTRATED IN BERKELEY
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Ignore him. The more your brother yells, the louder you sing. And when your parents get tired of the sound of his yelling, they'll figure out a way to put a stop to it. Parents always do.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)