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Rules of the Road Differ for Walkers and Cyclists
DEAR ABBY: I appreciate your concern for children's safety and your dedication to getting helpful information out to the public.
In a recent column, you printed a letter regarding a young man who was hit and killed by a car. My sympathies to the parents and family for their loss. That letter raised a question in our household. If you are walking, and no sidewalk is available, on which side of the road should you walk?
When I was involved in scouting, the rule was to walk facing traffic. However, I recently heard that pedestrians should walk "with" the traffic. Can you please address this issue and let everyone know what is the correct side of the road to walk on? It may also be appropriate to mention the side of the road bicyclers should travel. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.
DEAR CONCERNED PARENT: What's probably causing your confusion is that the rules are different for bicycle riders and pedestrians. People on bikes are required by law to "go with the flow" of traffic. However, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration:
(1) If you must walk on a roadway and sidewalks are unavailable, always walk FACING the oncoming traffic. This will allow you to take evasive action if a vehicle comes into your path.
(2) Before stepping into the street, always stop and look left, right and left again. This will ensure that you see all oncoming traffic.
(3) Make full eye contact with the driver before stepping in front of his or her vehicle. Many people falsely assume that if they can see a vehicle, the driver can see them as well. Not true!
(4) Even when you have a green light or a "walk" signal permitting you to cross the street, always watch for inattentive drivers. Many drivers simply fail to stop for pedestrians. (And sadly, many drivers fail to stop for red lights, too, these days, and the results have been tragic.)
(5) Dress to be seen by drivers. During dusk and later evening hours, wear reflective clothing and carry a flashlight.
(6) Exercise caution in parking lots and garages. Vehicles may be backing up without the driver realizing that you are attempting to pass. (Watch for backup lights and listen for engine noise.)
(7) Always remember that many drivers fail to yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk, even though they're required to do so. Walk defensively!
DEAR ABBY: My condolences to the family who lost their 16-year-old son because he was hit by a car while walking at night. That letter struck a nerve with me because I am a taxi driver. Every night I'm driving, I see anywhere from 30 to 100 people cross the street after dark wearing dark clothing, and in many cases without looking for oncoming traffic. For all intents and purposes, people are invisible when they wear dark clothing at night.
I narrowly missed one pedestrian one night because the area was poorly lighted, he was wearing dark clothes, and he walked out from between two parked cars without looking.
The only reason I can think of to explain why I missed him is that he had a guardian angel with the wings of a B-52. -- DAN L., LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: After I dated an older man, I gained a bad reputation among some lower-level, gossipy co-workers at my job, even though I tried to keep it quiet and even denied it.
Now I've started a friendship with an older man at the company where I work. Although we are just friends, these co-workers think there is something more and are spreading gossip, saying that we are having an affair.
This could be damaging to both my career and my friendships with the man and my co-workers. How can I stop the gossip? Or does my past behavior make me forever guilty? -- NOT LOVING IT IN NEW YORK
DEAR NOT LOVING IT: Wait a minute. How did your co-workers learn about your relationships with these two men? Were you obvious about the personal relationship at work? Did you, perhaps, mention it to someone who dropped the tidbit at the water cooler?
Once gossip starts, it is impossible to stop. You can, however, make it seem less plausible if you keep your behavior above reproach in the workplace, and your lip tightly zipped when it comes to your personal life. Period.
DEAR ABBY: "Danny" and I have been together six months. During the first six weeks I was studying in Europe, and when I got back we jumped straight into an intense, time-consuming relationship. Then he asked if he could move in with me. It was all too sudden for me, and I said I wasn't ready. Danny reacted by breaking up with me.
Since then, our relationship has been rocky. We never established a foundation, and we have been trying to ease our time commitment to each other.
Danny says that he loves me. I feel I centered my life around him, and I need to regain my balance before I can be in a relationship with him again. I want to take a couple of steps back this summer, and get to know each other again and build a foundation. I know Danny is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment now.
Should I give up and walk away, or continue to try to rebuild our relationship? -- LINDY IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR LINDY: Danny may say that he loves you, but if it is more than lip service, he should be willing to give you the space you need. If he's unwilling to do that, then the message he's sending is that he's more interested in a live-in than a life partner. What you're proposing is reasonable, and if he can't respect your feelings, you should, indeed, walk away.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in reference to the letter from "Katie's Daughter" that ran in your column about a month ago. I lost my mother when I was 21 and wish I had written down some of her recipes. I, like Katie's daughter, wanted to make some of my mother's specialties.
I am now in my 60s. I decided that while I am still able, I would compile a collection of recipes that my sister and I have prepared over the years for my sons, nieces and nephews so they would not have to "search" for them.
By December, I had typed all our family favorites on a special computer program. I printed it, and then took it to a local office supply store, had it bound and a cover put on. It was one of the favorite Christmas gifts they received. -- ALMA'S DAUGHTER IN AUBURN, N.Y.
DEAR ALMA'S DAUGHTER: What a terrific idea. I never thought I'd be discussing Christmas gift ideas in June, but for a project like this one, it's not a bad idea to start early. Thank you for sharing a delicious suggestion with me and my readers.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom Stumbles in First Talk With Young Son About Love
DEAR ABBY: My son is 11 and, for the first time, he has a "girlfriend." I have always discouraged the children from saying they have girlfriends and boyfriends, so he has always referred to her as his "friend." Well, the other night, I heard him say, "I love you," and there were text messages on his phone from her saying it, too.
I tried to talk to him about it and explain that this is not appropriate because he's too young to really understand what love is, and he should not say it until he is older and knows what love is. He didn't respond very well and was embarrassed. I don't think I was very effective. Do you have any recommendations on how to handle this? -- SHANNON IN HOUSTON
DEAR SHANNON: I certainly do. And the first is to stop minimizing your son's feelings because you know better what he is feeling. His emotions are his own, and the more you insist they are not valid, the higher the barrier will be that you build between you. How much better it would have been had you listened to what he had to say and simply commented that along with love go responsibilities that he will come to understand as he grows older -- and that he can always tell you anything.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Carl" for six years. We have two children together. My parents hate him because, years ago, he served time in prison, and his family has very little money. They feel Carl is "beneath" me, and I can "do better."
Abby, my parents won't even see their own grandchildren unless I leave Carl at home, which isn't fair to him. He has turned his life around, earns good money at his job, and is a devoted husband and father.
How can I convince my parents to see him for who he is now, and not ostracize him for the mistake he made in the past? -- CARL'S WIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CARL'S WIFE: By taking your children to see your parents and allowing them to exclude your husband, you are helping them to isolate and belittle him. The quickest way to get your parents to recognize that their behavior is unacceptable is to stop aiding and abetting it. Begin by refusing to visit unless your husband -- and the father of those grandchildren -- is welcomed.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy playing golf. I am in sales, so I have the opportunity to invite clients to play golf. When I include my husband in these events, it can become very uncomfortable. If his round is not going well, he becomes upset, curses loudly and slams his club to the ground. It is extremely embarrassing to me, and I'm sure it makes my clients uncomfortable.
I'm hesitant to say anything to my husband about his behavior because I have to imagine that he isn't happy with himself when he acts that way, either. I'm considering not including him in future rounds that involve clients, but don't really like that alternative. What would you suggest? -- TEED OFF IN HOUSTON
DEAR TEED OFF: May I be frank? Business is business. Your husband's childish, unsportsmanlike behavior could have a negative effect on your ability to make a sale. Tell your husband that when he behaves that way in front of clients, it reflects badly on the both of you, and if it happens again you will have to exclude him from your business-related golf games. Then "follow through."
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)