Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Bright or Reflective Clothes Let Walkers Be Seen at Night
DEAR ABBY: Last year, on April 30, my 16-year-old son was hit by a car and killed. He was walking with friends in the rain on a dark road at night. The driver of the car says he never saw my son, although he was wearing a dark sweatshirt with white designs on it, black pants and a white hat. I will never know exactly what was going on in my son's head, walking in the rain at night. And I will have to live with the pain of losing him for the rest of my life.
I would like to urge other parents out there that whenever your sons or daughters leave the house -- no matter what time of day or night it is -- make sure they have some sort of bright clothing on or with them. You never know when they might be walking in the dark.
Also, no matter what is going on in your life, or theirs, please make sure that you always tell them you love them. Because in just a snap of a finger, your child could be gone. -- SAD IN CLINTON, MASS.
DEAR SAD: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. Your message is worth repeating, and it applies to adults as well as young people. Pedestrians as well as bicycle riders should make absolutely certain they can be seen by drivers by wearing reflective clothing at night. No one wants to think of him- or herself as a statistic, but accidents can and do happen to anyone. An ounce of prevention ...
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a serious relationship for 13 months. The woman I am with has a daughter who is 15 months old. I am the only father figure that has ever been in her life. Her biological father, "Ethan," saw her only twice. I have been supporting my lady and her child for a while.
Last January, Ethan died, and my lady took it hard. Last Saturday, she got his name tattooed on her back without consulting me. She didn't tell me until after it was done, and it upset me. We are supposed to be married soon.
Every time we make love, that tattoo reminds me of Ethan. I feel she should have asked me what I thought about the idea first. She expects me to consult her about things that I do before I do them. Am I wrong for expecting the same respect from her as I give her? Should I tell her how I feel, or should I avoid having a confrontation with her and try to forget about it? -- ANGRY AND CONFUSED IN PHOENIX
DEAR ANGRY: Your feelings are valid. You were not consulted because your lady friend already knew what your feelings would be. Avoiding a discussion (notice I did not say "confrontation") with her about this is not the way to go. This matter needs to be talked about to your satisfaction, and if the tattoo dampens your ardor, it should be removed before the wedding.
DEAR ABBY: Last month, my sister, "Diane," was going on a trip to Europe. At the last moment, she asked me if she could take my digital camera with her. I told her no, I needed the camera for my work and didn't want to take a chance on her losing it. The camera was a Christmas gift, and I have had it only a few months.
When Diane returned from her trip, she decided not to talk to me. It has been more than two weeks now. I told her she should talk, but she doesn't want to. What can I do? -- DANIELLE IN PASSAIC, N.J.
DEAR DANIELLE: Enjoy the silence while you can. Once she starts talking again, you'll never hear the end of it.
Woman Who Looks Too Young Should Enjoy It While She Can
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to your reply to the gal in her 20s who looks like she's 14 or 15. Will makeup help her with her problem? Maybe. But it won't make her look older. There are some women who will always look young. I'm 41 and look like I'm in my early 30s, and could pass for my 20s if I dressed the part.
Tell her to relax and enjoy her youthful look. It may seem like a problem right now, but when she's in her 40s and her counterparts are starting to show their age, she will still have young guys flirting with her because they think she's in their age bracket. She won't have to wear makeup to cover the wrinkles, and people will tell her she never ages. What a compliment! -- WENDY IN GODFREY, ILL.
DEAR WENDY: I'm sure the young woman will be grateful for your pep talk. You might be interested in reading what other youthful-appearing readers offered on the subject:
DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle when I read "No Longer a Freshman's" letter. Your advice was right on, although some people address others as "Sweetie," or "Dearie" as a term of endearment. I certainly take it that way. Regardless of my accomplishments in life and respect from everyone with whom I have come in contact all these years, it's nice to know that part of me exudes a "sweetness," while still being the strong, confident woman I am. -- FOREVER A SWEETIE, LUDLOW, MASS.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my mid-30s and still get carded for X-rated movies, so I can relate to the problem. My advice:
Don't waste your money on hairstylists or makeup. The hair won't change her looks, and makeup is designed to emphasize them. Trust me; I tried for a dozen years. (I avoid pigtails, though.) At work, avoid greetings like "Hi" and "Hello" and introduce yourself with your title and last name. (Example: "Good afternoon, I'm Ms. Doe. How may I help you?")
At social events, introduce yourself by your first and last names. (Example: "I'm Jane Doe. Pleased to meet you.") Mind your mannerisms. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, give a firm handshake and enunciate when you speak. If it's not someone you'll be dealing with regularly, or professionally, ignore the person's comments. It's not worth your time. And if all else fails, look the person straight in the eye, flash a brilliant smile and say, "You do realize I am ( ) years old?" -- REBECCA IN LOVELAND, COLO.
DEAR ABBY: You advised that young woman to consult a hairdresser, a makeup artist, and to choose more conservative, no-nonsense business attire in the workplace. An image consultant from the Association of Image Consultants International would be the ideal person to facilitate this woman's quest for success in the business world. Such a consultant can coordinate, guide and recommend the right hairdresser, makeup artist, and the best choice in wardrobe that will enhance the wearer.
The Association of Image Consultants International offers consultants who are trained, experienced and competent in the techniques of personal style. She can find one of these talented professionals by visiting www.aici.org. -- DEBRA LINDQUIST
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Rules for Public Conversation Apply Abroad as Well as Home
DEAR ABBY: Summer will be here soon, a time when many Americans travel abroad. I live in Europe, and Americans seem to think that most of us do not understand English here.
Last summer, I overheard a young lady in a restaurant telling her friends about a portion of her anatomy that I shall not mention in a family newspaper. The entire restaurant went silent while she continued on as if no one else had any idea of what she was talking about. Believe me, everyone knew!
Please remind your readers that if a topic is not appropriate to discuss in public in the United States, then it's not appropriate to discuss in public abroad, either. -- EDITH W. IN SWEDEN
DEAR EDITH: I'm pleased to oblige. You are correct that Americans -- many of whom are not fluent in a foreign language -- tend to forget that people from other countries are often bilingual or trilingual.
Many years ago, I spent a summer studying in Italy and had a similar experience. Trapeze dresses (A-line, loose-fitting) were in style that season, and I was walking down the street wearing one of them when an American family (husband, wife, and a boy about 11) approached strolling in the opposite direction. As we passed, the boy said loudly to his mother, "Look, Mom! That lady's wearing a nightgown."
I thought they were going to go through the pavement when I turned around and said, "Thanks, kid!"
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother, newly relocated to a small town, new job and new boyfriend. I have been dating "Kyle" for six months and keep running into the same issue repeatedly.
While Kyle is very successful in business -- he's never been married or had children -- when we are out and the check arrives, if another friend who may be with us or I don't pick up the entire tab, he pays for his portion only. Only a few times has he actually paid for both of us, but never for the rest of the group. Some of our male friends have been embarrassed by this and have taken the check themselves. Instead of stepping up to the plate and insisting on paying for at least some of the dinners, Kyle nonchalantly will ask something to the effect of, "Do I need to put anything in?"
Abby, I'm usually very accepting of people and try not to make too much of things like this, but lately, my friends have been commenting about it and telling me I can do better than Kyle. What do you think? -- EMBARRASSED IN IDAHO
DEAR EMBARRASSED: I think your friends may be right. You could be contemplating a future with a skinflint. The next time Kyle asks that question, you should say, "I'll say! It's your turn to pick up the check!"
DEAR ABBY: I am 13, and all of my friends are talking about their first kisses. I can't join in because I have never been kissed, and I'm afraid that when I do, it will be horrible. Do you have any advice? I read somewhere that you are supposed to write the alphabet with your tongue. Please help me. -- WORRIED WOMAN, TIFFIN, OHIO
DEAR WORRIED WOMAN: What you read was wrong. Girls who are being kissed for the first time just close their eyes and purse their lips. (You can work your way up to writing the alphabet when you are older. Much older.)
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)