For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen's Generosity Gives Life to Multiple Organ Recipients
DEAR ABBY: One evening as I was preparing dinner, my teenage son, Allen, came to me and asked whether or not he should check "yes" to organ donation on his driver's license. I was shocked and unprepared to address the subject, but he persisted, saying, "If I don't need my organs, Mom, and they can help someone else -- why not?"
One year later, our beloved 17-year-old son suffered a traumatic brain injury in an automobile accident. As his father and I sat by his side, it became clear that Allen's life was to be no more. Brokenhearted, we desperately searched for guidance to somehow extend his time with us. But Allen had already given us the answer -- that evening discussion as I was preparing dinner.
Our son became a true hero the next day, when he donated the gift of a kidney/pancreas to a 29-year-old father of three boys. His left kidney, heart, liver, intestine and corneas went to other people in need of the "gift of life." Allen's love lives forever in our hearts, and his circle of life continues within the lives of those he saved.
This summer, I will see firsthand the power of Allen's gift of life as I join his kidney/pancreas recipient and thousands of others at the Olympic-style National Kidney Foundation U.S. Transplant Games, where he will celebrate and pay tribute to the gift of life.
April is National Donate Life month. In the spirit of love, I am thankful for Allen, the wonders of transplantation and the miracle of life. -- ALLEN'S MOM, AKA JEAN JANOHOSKY, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR JEAN: Your letter touched my heart. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your son, and my admiration for your courage and determination to see that his wishes were carried out.
Readers, I encourage all of you to talk to your loved ones, listen to them, and say "yes" to giving the "gift of life." It is a way to ensure that a part of our loved ones lives on, and to improve the quality of life for people -- many of whom have been suffering for years, waiting and praying for an organ.
For more information, call the National Kidney Foundation's toll-free number at (800) 622-9010, or go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�. And if you could use a "lift," mark your calendar and consider attending the Olympic-style Transplant Games, which are being held in Louisville, Ky., between June 16 and 21. In a very real sense, these games are competitions where EVERYONE is a winner.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school with no life. I'm not a bad-looking guy, although I'm a little short and skinny for my age, at 5-feet-7 and 110 pounds. I know I'm young and when I get older I'll find someone, but it's hard never having had a girlfriend during your entire high school years. I have never felt that joy of the first kiss or had a real date.
Prom is coming up soon, and it seems that most likely I'll either be going solo or, like last year, not at all. Any advice for me? -- LONELY SENIOR IN GEORGIA
DEAR SENIOR: OK, you don't have a girl you're romantic about. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can invite? Someone you know outside of school? How about asking a freshman, sophomore or junior? (When an underclassman is invited to the prom by a senior, it is very flattering.) I can't guarantee you'll have the "joy of the first kiss," but there's no reason why you won't have a good time -- particularly if you are with someone you're comfortable being around.
Mom Demands Center Stage at Her Daughter's Expense
DEAR ABBY: I own my own home. My mother lives with me. I cannot understand why she makes up the most fantastic, whopping lies. Mother tells people that I live with her and she pays all the bills. Abby, I pay the bills, and I'm left with pocket change at the end of the month because her spending sprees keep me financially strapped.
She also has to be the center of attention. She'll go to any length to keep the spotlight on herself, even if it means making me look like a complete idiot.
If I do anything that earns acknowledgment or recognition, Mother tells these people that she instructed me, or suggested the work, or had a lot to do with the project.
Is her behavior a form of jealousy, rivalry or downright meanness? Is the attention so important to her that she must embarrass me or make me look like I'm living off her when the reverse has been true for the last 20 years? What makes my mother have to do this to me? -- PUZZLED IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR PUZZLED: People lie for various reasons. Some lie because they are ashamed to tell the truth; others lie to make themselves seem more important. Your mother may do it because she's competitive with you, but it's more likely she's a compulsive liar. A therapist might help you pinpoint her rationale, but I cannot without knowing her. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s and the man I date is in his late 30s. He has children by his first wife, from whom he has been divorced nearly six years. Although we have dated casually for a couple of years, our conversations recently have turned to serious topics -- like possibly marrying and having children.
I will be meeting his kids soon and would appreciate any suggestions you can offer in relating to them. I'm college-educated, independent, stable, and have a successful career. But his is a situation I have never confronted before. He has mentioned the possibility of introducing me to his children before, but this is the first time I have agreed. This is my first experience with children. He has two sons, 14 and 15, and a daughter who will be 13 in February. Help! -- PANICKED IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR PANICKED: Calm down and discuss your qualms with your boyfriend. Ask what kinds of things his children are interested in, then do a little reading up so you can ask intelligent questions. I have found that when people show a sincere interest in the interests of others, it makes them more attractive to be around. Remember, it's OK not to know everything. In fact, his children may feel they have more to contribute if you don't. And above all, relax and be yourself. (That's the person they're going to have to get to know, anyway.) This isn't an Academy Award performance -- so play it cool, don't try too hard, and I'm sure you'll be a hit. Good luck!
DEAR ABBY: After a recent trip to see my father and his wife (my parents have been divorced for eight years), my stepmother left a message on my answering machine that said, "It's Mom and Dad calling to see if you got home OK."
Abby, I barely know this woman and certainly have never called her anything but her first name. How should I deal with this sudden and unexpected change in her? -- OFFENDED IN N.Y.
DEAR OFFENDED: If the woman didn't like you, she wouldn't have left the message she did, which appears to be a warm one. If I were you, I wouldn't make waves. Address her as you always have and let her call herself whatever she likes.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Children Know More Than We Think About the Birds and Bees
DEAR ABBY: I got a big kick out of all the adults who responded to your "truth at the zoo" column. As they say, "out of the mouths of babes" come the most truthful responses.
When my daughter was quite young, I also took her to the zoo. My daughter was very intelligent, but on that occasion she surprised even me. It was mating season, and we were viewing the peacocks. A young mother and her little boy were standing near us when the boy asked his mom why the peacocks were saying, "Now! Now!" (That's what it sounded like!) The mother blushed and gave her son some lame reason. My daughter chimed in, "The birds with the pretty feathers are the boys, and they want to make babies. They want to do it NOW!" -- MOM IN TAMPA
DEAR MOM: What a hoot! I can't believe it, but I'm still getting mail about the column. It seems that not only do kids "say the darndest things" -- so do their parents. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: At a county fair last year, my husband and I were at the rabbit exhibit, and I overheard a mother explain to her child that what the bunnies were doing (read amorous pastime) was called "getting married." While technically incorrect, I thought that mother had a firm grip on family values. (I also hoped she'd explain things more clearly at the proper time and place.) I think it was a wonderful way to start the teaching and learning process of the birds and the bees. That mother seemed to be on track, and I was proud to have witnessed it. I still smile when I remember the encounter. -- MOTHER IN BUNKER HILL
DEAR ABBY: Can you stand one more story about the zoo? When my granddaughter Gabi was 2 1/2, my daughter took her to the zoo. She was pointing out the animals, and when they got to the cows, my daughter said, "Gabi, look at the one over there, the one with the horns. That's a boy cow!" Gabi looked up at her mother and said, "Mama, that's a bull!" Never underestimate children. They may surprise you. -- PROUD GRANDMA, MELBOURNE, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: I served as a zoo docent for 15 years, giving tours and taking zoo animals into classrooms for lectures. When asked a tough question, we were taught to say, "I don't know, but I will find out and get back to you with the answer." We would always take a name, phone number or address, and be sure that the question was answered correctly.
One day, we actually heard a docent tell a class that an ostrich will "hide" by putting his/her head in the sand. (Not true!) After that, we had a standing joke: A male ostrich was chasing a female ostrich, but she was doing a great job of staying just out of his reach. She abruptly turned a corner and stuck her head in the sand. The male turned the same corner, hot on her heels, but stopped dead in his tracks, uttering the immortal words, "Where did she go?" -- JOAN IN RIVERTON, UTAH
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were both "city kids." When our boys were 4 and 5, we took them to the county fair. In the cow barn, the oldest asked his dad what the difference was between a cow and a bull. He answered: The bulls have horns (much to the merriment of the farmer sitting on the fence).
A few years later, we moved to a farming community and lived a block away from a cattle farmer. Again we attended the county fair. Walking along, my son pulled his dad aside and whispered in his ear: "Dad, I found out the difference between a cow and a bull. It's not horns. It's lower!" -- VIRGINIA IN VILLA RICA, GA.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)