To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Hygienist's Slip Causes Crack in Relationship With Dentist
DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing the same dentist for more than 20 years and have been very satisfied. During an earlier checkup, I had been told I had a loose tooth, "but it could tighten up again." I checked the tooth the morning of my most recent visit, and it was fine.
After cleaning my teeth, the hygienist, "Sue," was polishing my teeth when the tool slipped and the metal part hit the "loose" tooth really hard. Sue said, "Oh, sorry!"
When "Dr. Smith" came in for the final check, he said I had a cracked tooth. It was the same tooth. I had not seen a crack that morning, but thought I'd check it again when I got home. There is a big crack across the front of the tooth. If it had been there that morning, I'd have seen it.
I am sure the "hit" cracked the tooth. Only Sue and I know for sure, and I wouldn't know if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd been watching it because it was loose.
Should I talk to Sue or to Dr. Smith or to both of them about this? Should I just get the tooth fixed and forget it? Or should I start hunting for a new dentist? -- DENTAL DILEMMA IN DENVER
DEAR DILEMMA: When Dr. Smith told you your tooth was cracked, you should have spoken up then and asked to see it while you were still in his office. However, because you did not, it's time to call Dr. Smith and tell him what you have told me. I am sure he will want to talk to his hygienist about what happened. (Actually, she should have already informed him.) If the cracked tooth was caused by his employee, it should be fixed without charge. And if it isn't, THEN you should start looking for another dentist.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of a 1-year-old child. My son's father started using drugs during my pregnancy and still does. I left him when my son was only 3 months old. Our breakup was bitter. He calls my house and curses me out for no reason. I have never done anything wrong to him. He pays no child support because he doesn't work.
I think I need therapy. I don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to be in a relationship with anyone else, and I need to talk about what's going on with me. I blame myself for getting involved with my son's father. I thought he was a nice, trustworthy guy. How could I know that he'd choose drugs over taking care of his child? -- STRESSED-OUT SINGLE MOM, ALEXANDRIA, VA.
DEAR STRESSED-OUT: You are asking intelligent questions. That you are looking for answers before you become emotionally involved again is laudable.
You can find low-cost mental health services by contacting your county Department of Social Services or the Department of Mental Health. The number(s) should be listed in your telephone directory.
P.S. In the meantime, please be a little kinder to yourself and change your phone number. No rule of etiquette says you have to listen to the drug-fueled ravings of an addict.
DEAR ABBY: I know that a GED is equivalent to a high school degree; however, is it misleading to indicate -- on a resume, for example -- that you graduated from high school when you obtained a GED after the fact? -- WONDERING IN KEARNS, UTAH
DEAR WONDERING: Not only is it misleading, it would be a mistake. Many businesses these days do background checks on job applicants, and when it turns out that an applicant lied on his or her resume, they are rejected. Honesty is the best policy.
Diabetes Diagnosis Is Crucial Before Complications Develop
DEAR ABBY: In America today, there are 20.8 million people living with diabetes. Because there are often no symptoms, nearly one-third of them -- 6.2 million of those people -- don't even know they have diabetes and won't find out until one of its devastating complications develops. An additional 41 million people are at risk for developing type 2 diabetes.
The good news is that diabetes and its complications can be prevented or delayed, but awareness is vital.
Left untreated, the complications of diabetes include heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, blindness and amputation. But they are not inevitable. Early diagnosis and treatment are crucial to preventing or delaying these complications.
Please help us to spread the word to the millions of Americans who are living with this disease and don't know it, or who are at risk. Thanks for sharing this information with your readers, Abby. It can help to improve the lives of millions of Americans who might already have diabetes and not know it, and prevent the disease in millions more. -- ROBERT A. RIZZA, M.D., AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION
DEAR DR. RIZZA: I'm pleased to pass the word along. I had a conversation recently with David Boyer, M.D., a respected retinal specialist here in Los Angeles, in which he confided that one of the most difficult things he has to do in his practice is to inform a patient that his or her eyesight cannot be restored, and that the cause was previously undiagnosed diabetes.
Today, March 28, is the American Diabetes Association's 18th Annual Diabetes Alert Day. Readers, go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.diabetes.org/risk-test" ��www.diabetes.org/risk-test� to take the ADA's online assessment, or call toll-free (800) 342-2383 for more information. Do it for yourselves, for your family and for me.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school, starting to seriously consider and contrast colleges. I live in a Chicago suburb and I love city life.
The University of Illinois at Chicago seems like a reasonable option for me. However, I have fallen in love with the University of Tampa in Florida.
There are so many factors to consider that I feel like crying when thinking about choosing between these schools. I enjoy trying new things, and I think I'd like Tampa. My family doesn't have a lot of money, so visits home would be limited to Christmas and possibly spring break. At UIC I would only have a 20-minute train ride to get home. I could do that every day if I wanted to.
My mom worries that I'll get homesick, and so do I. Is it better to stay with the comfortable, or try to expand my horizons -- even if there's a possibility I might hate it? Please give me your opinion. -- NICKY IN ITASCA, ILL.
DEAR NICKY: If your only reason for staying home is the fear that you "might" be homesick, then I think you should gather up your courage and leap from the nest. That's how fledglings learn to fly. It takes courage to leave the familiar and strike out on your own, but it's a great part of growing up.
However, there may be more things to take into consideration than you mentioned in your letter. Do you have the grades to get into both of these schools? And can the finances be managed? These should also be factors in your decision.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Co Worker's Caustic Remarks Deserve Management's Notice
DEAR ABBY: A new co-worker seemed to be a nice person and potential friend when she was hired. However, after a few months, she began making comments to me or about me in front of others. Sometimes they are good-natured, but more often they are insulting -- although presented as a "joke." I feel this is inappropriate, especially in the workplace.
I have heard that this is a type of bullying where, if the victim objects, then the perpetrator belittles him or her as being "oversensitive," thus adding salt to the wound. I have noticed that people who play this little mind game on others can dish it out but can't take it when someone retaliates. I've seen this happen in families where one sibling is scapegoated and picked on.
I don't want to waste energy playing games, but I don't want to be a victim, either, so I have decided to ignore the comments and/or interrupt her by changing the subject or making an excuse to leave the room. Have you any other suggestions? -- NOT A VICTIM
DEAR NOT A VICTIM: When someone is ridiculed in the workplace, it usually isn't intended to be a joke, nor is it funny. It is intended to make the person appear less effective. I do have another suggestion. Report it to your supervisor or office manager, and explain she is making you uncomfortable. If her "witticisms" fall under a protected category (gender, religion, race, sexual orientation), she could be creating a hostile work environment and management needs to be made aware of it.
DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for two years and am now dating a lady I'll call Heidi. I have tickets to a rock concert in Las Vegas. I work and earn a modest income. Heidi works and also makes a modest income. Heidi thinks I should pay for her airline ticket or not go to the concert.
I want to go, and I want her blessing, but I can't afford her airfare. Is she being jealous and controlling? Are there any single women out there who would like to go and pay for their own airline ticket? Help! -- STUCK IN VIRGINIA
DEAR STUCK: The answers to your questions are yes and yes. However, if another woman accompanies you to that concert, you will no longer have to concern yourself with whether Heidi is jealous or controlling -- because I predict she will be history.
DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four children. My eldest brother died when he was an infant. But in our family it is like he never existed. My father always describes us as his three children, but my mother will talk about him a little.
Is it something I can mention when asked, "Do you have any siblings?" Can I mention my invisible brother? Should I say I am the youngest of four and leave it at that, or should I go with what my parents have always said -- the youngest of three? -- UNSURE IN BREMERTON, WASH.
DEAR UNSURE: It would be less confusing if you were to reply the way your parents do -- that you are the youngest of three children. When you get to know people better, to the point that you get to know their family history, you can then discuss the tragedy your parents faced when they lost their first child.
P.S. I am guessing that your parents do not discuss their firstborn because the subject is still painful.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)