DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Dave," and I have known each other for 35 years, since kindergarten. Ten years ago, he married a woman from a wealthy family. It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to him. Ever since the wedding, Dave has lost touch with his old friends from the past. He talks down to everyone who is less successful than he is. I don't think he's even aware that he's doing it.
I have tried to talk to him about it in a nonconfrontational way with no luck. Most of my problems are financial, and Dave is no longer able to relate. I no longer enjoy having lunch with him because all he ever talks about is how well he's doing in the stock market. Every time we get together it's the same conversation.
I have invited him to go fishing, sailing, skeet shooting -- even over for a bonfire I throw every year. The only activity Dave ever wants to do is play golf, which I tried for five years and still don't enjoy. My friend seems to have lost all interest in anything beyond golf and money.
Dave says he has "grown" -- but I think he has shrunk and has become an arrogant elitist. Should I give up on this friendship? -- UP TO HERE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR UP TO HERE: Yes. Frankly, I'm surprised the "friendship" has lasted as long as it has. If you need my permission to move on, you have it. It doesn't have to be confrontational. Sometimes people just grow apart.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Amelia," died giving birth to her baby girl, "Alexis." My ex-husband and his new wife adopted Alexis. None of us wants to ignore the memory of Amelia being "Mommy," and they want Alexis to know about her "real mother," but we're not sure how Alexis should address my ex-husband's wife.
Would it be appropriate for Alexis to call her "Mom" or "Mommy," and refer to Amelia as "Mother"? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- CONFUSED GRANDMA IN ARIZONA
DEAR GRANDMA: Please accept my sympathy for the untimely loss of your daughter. Because Alexis will never know her birth mother, she will regard the step-grandparent who's raising her as her "Mom" or "Mommy," and that's normal. Eventually, when Alexis is old enough to understand, she should be told of her birth mother, "Mommy Amelia," who went to heaven but loved her very much.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married nine years. "Marianne" and I have two wonderful boys and a terrific relationship -- except for one thing, lousy sex. In therapy, Marianne has confessed to me that she is not turned on by me and that there is nothing I can do to change it -- I am just "not her type." (I am an attractive man, but she married me for my personality.) Needless to say, I am very hurt.
Before her confession, I thought Marianne was just not very sexual. Now it turns out that she is, just not with me. What do I do? -- CRUSHED IN CEDAR FALLS, IOWA
DEAR CRUSHED: It appears that your terrific relationship is based more on a platonic attraction than a physical one as far as your wife is concerned. If that's enough for you, accept the status quo. If it's not, however, an amicable divorce might make the both of you happier.
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