DEAR ABBY: I need some advice. I married "Fritz" in February 2001, during a spur-of-the-moment trip to Las Vegas. Afterward, we decided we would wait to tell our parents because we wanted to have a traditional wedding and invite all of our relatives.
It has been more than four years, and I am still trying to get Fritz, at the bare minimum, to tell our families that we're "engaged." But if I bring up the subject, he gets angry and refuses to talk about it because he's "not ready."
Fritz keeps sending me mixed signals -- he bought me a $2,500 diamond engagement/wedding ring, but I'm not allowed to wear it in front of any family members. He tells me he loves me and I'm the only person he's going to spend the rest of his life with, but this has become a real strain on our relationship. I don't understand why he won't marry me publicly since we are already married legally. Please help me. -- WANTS MY M.R.S. IN ILLINOIS
DEAR WANTS: It appears that the man you married still has a lot of growing up to do. He may have had second thoughts about marrying you, or he may be afraid of his parents' reaction. He could also have a problem with commitment and feels that he's "not really married" until there's a formal announcement. Because I'm not a mind reader, I can't be sure what his problem is.
However, there's one thing I know for sure. The way you are being treated is degrading, and you should not tolerate it. Offer Fritz the option of marriage counseling, because whether or not he wants to admit it, you ARE married, or end this travesty once and for all.