DEAR ABBY: I married late, to a wonderful man I'll call "Juan." Our courtship was very brief. We are fine. My problem is his family.
Everyone was very cordial at first, but during a brief rough patch early on in our marriage, his family made it clear where the line was drawn -- me on one side, all of them on the other. (I have no immediate family of my own, just a couple of close girlfriends I consider to be "family.") Juan was caught in the middle.
Since then, we have come to an understanding regarding holidays, birthdays, etc. If I work the holiday, Juan spends it with his family. If not, he's home with me for the majority of it, but makes a short visit to them. (We live in the same town.) We split Juan's birthday. If someone from his family phones the house, I'm pleasant, but other than that we don't speak.
My question concerns my elderly mother-in-law. There's a language barrier, and she usually believes what anyone tells her, which early on was unflattering where I was concerned. Due to her advanced age, there will be a funeral I have to contend with at some point. I feel I should be there for Juan when the time comes, but I have absolutely no desire to be around any of the rest of his family. What should I do? -- JUAN'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: When the time comes, take your cue from your husband. If he would like you to be there, then attend the funeral with him and be pleasant to his family. If he prefers to go alone, you'll be off the hook.
P.S. Between you and me, you should be prepared to go. When a man loses his mother, he usually wants the person closest to him to be near him -- and that should be you.