DEAR ABBY: My parents have been married 43 years, and my mother has never been happy with my father aside from their first years of marriage. Dad is and has been into himself and his needs, and has never lifted a thumb for our mom. They had three children, and she raised us completely on her own. Dad was either at work or away on a trip.
Now that the three of us are grown and have families of our own, Dad wants nothing to do with the grandchildren. This makes it hard for Mom, because she loves all the grandchildren and would like to spend time with them.
In the past, Mom talked frequently about leaving Dad, but now she thinks that financially it would be hard. All three of us would like nothing better than for her to escape from him and live the rest of her life in peace and harmony.
How do we let her know that divorcing Dad and living on her own would not be impossible when finances are the only thing holding her back? -- FREEDOM AT LAST IN FLORIDA DEAR FREEDOM AT LAST: The most effective way to get that message across would be for the three of you to tell her in person, in plain English, the next time you visit. I presume, however, that you would all be pitching in to help support her if she did decide to leave your father.
However, don't be surprised if your mother refuses your generous offer. The glue that holds some couples together can sometimes be a mystery even to their children, and her reasons for tolerating this lonely marriage may have nothing to do with money.