What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Trucker's Lonely Wife Craves Four Legged Companionship
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Jim" for 12 years. We recently got a dog, and I knew he wouldn't want her living in the house. I love dogs, and she's a very small breed. I want her to live in the house as a member of the family, but every time I mention it, Jim gets angry and says he just won't come home as often.
My husband drives a truck and is often gone for weeks at a time. This has put a real stress on our relationship. I find his opinion cruel and inhumane. Should I push the issue or just drop it? -- LONELY IN BURLEY, IDAHO
DEAR LONELY: You forgot to mention that your husband is also somewhat selfish. He should be glad that you have a four-legged friend instead of a two-legged one. If he is gone for weeks at a time, it should not be surprising that you would like companionship during his extended absence.
Pets do best when they are a part of the household because they are usually better trained and better behaved, so stand your ground. Your husband should be ashamed of himself for threatening you, because the problem isn't the dog; it's that he's gone so much.
DEAR ABBY: Please do your readers a favor and advise them to keep a copy of their own medical history. When they have any medical work done, such as an EKG, blood work, X-rays, etc., request a copy from their doctor for their records.
According to our state board of physicians, while doctors are required to maintain their patients' medical history for five years, there is no incentive, oversight or penalty to ensure that they actually do.
I found this out when the clinic I went to disbanded, and medical records over six months old were discarded. I lost 20 years of my medical history and learned of other patients in the same boat. Now I ask for copies of everything. -- LEARNED TOO LATE IN MARYLAND
DEAR LEARNED TOO LATE: That's good advice, and I'm pleased to help you publicize the message. The kind of record-keeping you describe has never been easier. I have received samples (in years past) of "workbooks" for filing medical and insurance information that can be purchased at local bookstores. I only wish they had been available to my mother when my brother and I were children. Then we wouldn't have to ask ourselves, "Was it chicken pox or measles? Mumps or swollen glands?"
DEAR ABBY: My teenage daughter, "Dayna," is asked to baby-sit by a neighbor who seems to ask her only when the other teenage girl in the neighborhood is unavailable. This doesn't bother her so much as the fact that the last time she baby-sat, she was paid less than what the other teenager receives. Dayna is friendly with the other girl, and they talk, so my daughter was very hurt when she found out the neighbor thought she was worth less.
If Dayna is asked to baby-sit again, what should she say to these parents without causing a rift in the neighborhood? -- CONCERNED MOM IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Baby-sitting is a business. When the neighbor calls, now that your daughter knows what her friend is being paid, she should tell the neighbor that her price has gone up and state what it is. Your daughter is under no obligation to tell the woman why, and if the woman is intelligent, she won't have to ask, because she will know the girls compared notes.
Dating Is a Struggle for Man Without a Song in His Heart
DEAR ABBY: I am one of those rare individuals who has no interest in music of any kind. I never listen to it, and if it's being played where I happen to be -- I block it out.
I don't sing, hum, keep a beat or dance. I don't even own any CDs. I have always been this way. My former wife tolerated it because I was interested in, and well-informed about, all the other arts that didn't include music.
I am now divorced and dating again. The first thing any date or prospect wants to know is the kind of music I like, and if I like to dance. If I say I have no interest in music, I'm immediately considered a bit weird. I can't fake it, either, because I know nothing about performers, past or present, or the music they play.
What's the best way to handle this apparent negative when I want to date? I'm normal in every other way. I don't hate music; I just don't care about it one way or another. And, are there others like me? -- TUNED OUT IN AKRON, OHIO
DEAR TUNED OUT: I'm sure there are many. One way to handle your problem would be to be honest when asked about your preference in music -- and quickly add, that you do enjoy the theater, movies, art exhibits, etc., and extend an invitation.
However, an even better way to deal with it would be to sign up for some dance lessons. Knowing how to steer a woman across the floor and make her look good is a tremendous social asset for any man. Trust me on that, because I'm speaking from personal experience.
DEAR ABBY: I need your advice about a touchy subject. I am reuniting with my high school sweetheart, "Arthur." We dated 50 years ago. Arthur lost his wife of 44 years a little over a year ago, and started a long-distance relationship with me on the phone and writing letters. He lives in Ohio; I had moved to Florida.
Arthur has asked me to marry him and move into his lovely home, but he has his wife's sister living there. I don't think I could be myself under the same roof as his deceased wife's sister.
Arthur says he hopes I can change my mind, because she has nowhere to go. I have a feeling the family would resent me if I insist she find another place to live. He says if he has to, he will ask her to leave, but that makes me feel guilty. I am 67, Arthur is 70, and the sister-in-law is in her 70s. She works full time and gets Social Security. What do you think? -- IRIS IN FT. MYERS, FLA.
DEAR IRIS: My first reaction to your question was to tell you the woman should leave. Then I got to thinking ... stranger living situations have worked out. Have you met her? Would she welcome or resent you? Wouldn't it be interesting if it turned out you liked each other, and the communal aspect of living together turned out to be a positive and didn't interfere with your romantic relationship with Arthur? I suggest you go for a long visit before making up your mind either way.
DEAR ABBY: The company I work for has recently moved into a new building in a brand-new business complex. My boss wants to have an open house, but right now we're still finalizing items in the building: reception furniture, a few desks, work spaces, art for the walls, etc.
How long is too long since we moved in to hold the open house? -- HELPING THE BOSS
DEAR HELPING: Hold the open house when the place is "presentable." That means, when the furniture is in and the art is hung. Everything doesn't have to be "perfect" -- but it should be close to completion if not finished.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MEN URGE STRONG-ARM RESPONSE TO BEAR-HUGGING 'UNCLE HARRY'
DEAR READERS: On Tuesday, I shared the responses I received from women to a letter from a lady, "No Hugs Please," (9/13) in Alabama. She asked what could be done about "Uncle Harry," a man in his mid-70s who insists on bear-hugging almost all of the women he meets. The letter generated many responses from male readers. And I thought you might be interested to see how they felt he should be "handled." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: May I offer a method that's fast, effective and creates very little attention: When Uncle Harry approaches with open arms, the woman should hold her upper arms close to her chest and slide her forearms up and in front of her breasts. Clenching her fists will provide strength to her upper arms. This position will protect her breasts from contact with Uncle Harry and increase the circumference for her upper body, making a bear hug more difficult.
While holding this posture, she should make direct eye contact and firmly say, "No!" Nothing more. A wishy-washy response will not be effective. He may object, cajole or question, but regardless of what he says, or how many times he persists, her only response should be to repeat, "I said, 'No!'" or, "I do not want you to hug me."
In the unlikely event that he gets loud in an attempt to embarrass her, he's the one who will look like the fool. And anyone who observes the scene will look at her in admiration. -- AN OLD MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT WORKS
DEAR ABBY: Uncle Harry undoubtedly is a sexually abusive pervert. His wife may be "one of the finest Christians in the area," but you can depend on the fact that she already knows about and tolerates his behavior. The other "Christian women" who do not object when he gropes them simply accept his abuse and support his rationalization of "Christian fellowship."
Don't confuse spirituality with reality. What can be done about Uncle Harry? Go to court for a restraining order, or continue to be victims. -- NEIL IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR ABBY: My doctoral minor was in human sexual behavior, and Uncle Harry's groping is neither normal nor acceptable. His family needs to see he receives adequate professional help, and soon, before he "graduates" to a more serious type of activity.
If this doesn't help, there are two sure-fire remedies: First, the offended ladies should complain to their local police about his unwanted sexual molestations (they're criminal acts). His family might be embarrassed by the press coverage, and a judge may demand professional treatment.
The other remedy is for each offended lady to give him a swift with-all-their-might knee to the crotch. His family may need to see that he gets medical treatment -- and professional help -- but it's better than what some irate husband may do to him. -- PH.D. IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.
DEAR ABBY: I know a lady who had the same problem, and after three warnings, she finally became fed up. She was a black belt in karate. Needless to say, it worked like a charm. And after another woman did the same thing to the man, he started being an even better "Christian."
If the men won't put a stop to it, then the ladies have no choice and must act. This type of behavior does not stop on its own. -- ON THE LADIES' SIDE IN N.Y.
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