For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Over the years, Americans have incorporated fire safety into their daily lives by installing smoke alarms in their homes and developing an escape plan for their family to follow in the event of a fire. These measures have saved lives and prevented injuries. However, few people consider the risks associated with a common activity that most of us participate in daily: cooking.
Did you know that unattended cooking is a leading cause of home fires? Three out of 10 home fires begin in the kitchen, more than any other room in the home. Home cooking fires kill hundreds of Americans and injure roughly 4,000 more each year. Many of these fires are avoidable.
This year, the National Fire Protection Association is focusing its annual public awareness campaign, Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 8 to 14), on cooking safety, urging the public to "Prevent Cooking Fires: Watch What You Heat!"
How can people be safer from cooking fires at home? Just follow a few basic safety guidelines while working in the kitchen: Never leave cooking unattended while frying, grilling, broiling or boiling, and if you must leave for even a short period of time, turn off the stove. If you are simmering or baking something over a longer period, check it regularly. Remain in the home and use a timer to remind you that the stove or oven is on. And avoid wearing loose clothing with dangling sleeves while cooking, as it could catch fire if it comes in contact with a gas flame or electric burner.
I hope that everyone reading this letter will add safety to their list of ingredients as they prepare their next meal. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR MR. SHANNON: So do I, because cooking is something that so many people do by rote that it's easy to become distracted. I would like to add a few tips to consider when small children are members of the household.
If children are present during cooking, maintain a "kid-free zone" of 3 feet around the stove. And if they are in the kitchen, the stove's back burners should be used and pot handles turned inward to reduce the risk that pots with hot contents will be knocked over. Also, do not hold small children while cooking.
Readers, Fire Prevention Week is the logical time to review other safety measures around the house and to check your smoke alarms to assure they are working properly. To learn more about fire prevention and safety, log on to � HYPERLINK "http://www.firepreventionweek.org" ��www.firepreventionweek.org�.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Linus" for about a year. We say we love each other, but Linus says there's no such thing as "true love." OK, he's not very romantic, but he treats me well.
I was in love before -- the kind I thought was true love -- but I lost him. Now I'm not so sure I believe in true love, but I'm a romantic, and somehow, ending up with someone who doesn't believe in true love doesn't seem right. I'm not sure what to do. Should I keep looking for a true love that may not exist, or settle for someone who loves me, but not in that soul mate sort of way? -- D.L.K. IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR D.L.K.: "True love" is difficult to define because it's different for every individual. If Linus is considering marriage to you, then perhaps what Linus feels is true love -- for him. However, if what you want is someone who will sweep you off your feet and maintain that intensity throughout a marriage, then keep looking, because Linus is not the Prince Charming for you.
Restaurant Hostess and Manager Give Customer Double Trouble
DEAR ABBY: Something happened to me in one of the most popular restaurants here in town. I have gone there many times with family and friends. Recently a friend took me there for a birthday dinner. I know the manager, so I stopped to talk to him when we entered. As we were talking, the hostess came to take my friend to be seated, and I asked, "Could we have a booth, please?"
This was not an unusual request. I have asked before because it's a more intimate way to have girl-talk. When I went to look for my friend, she was being seated at a tiny table for two, and I remarked, "Are there no booths available?" The hostess replied, "The tables don't move in the booths." I told her I knew what the booths were like. She then demonstrated how you could pull the chairs up to the little table.
All of a sudden it dawned on me what the hostess was getting at. I said, "Are you insinuating that I won't fit in your booths?" and she pointed to my stomach! I was mortified! I am heavy, but not obese.
I was humiliated and the restaurant was crowded, so we sat down and ordered. It was a quick meal; I was too upset to eat. When I got home and settled down, I called and asked for the manager. As I started to tell him what happened, he said, "Oh yeah, she told me," and added, "We do the best we can." He just sloughed me off! Needless to say, I haven't been back. What do you think of this? -- KATHY IN LA HABRA, CALIF.
DEAR KATHY: The restaurant business is part of the "hospitality" industry. What you encountered was a poorly trained employee who lacked basic intelligence and tact. In the food business this can be a recipe for disaster. In your case, the hostess forgot a basic tenet of the hospitality industry: "The customer is always right." And I don't blame you for not going back. Under the circumstances, I wouldn't either.
DEAR ABBY: I married the man of my dreams. We have a wonderful life together, and we just had a beautiful baby girl. My husband was married before and has two children from his first marriage. They are great to me -- in fact, they are great kids.
The problem is, I don't love them. I feel so guilty about it. I treat them really well and I'd do anything for them. But when it is "our" weekend, I dread going home. I am not like that with our daughter. I love her with all my heart.
Why do I feel this way, and how can I change this? I need some advice desperately. -- ASHAMED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR ASHAMED: We don't love all people the same way, but that doesn't mean we don't have love for them. It is possible that on some level you resent your husband's children because they represent the intimacy he had with his first wife. But let me assure you that unless you are willing to work on those feelings, you will cause conflict and hurt in your household.
My advice is to discuss this with a therapist and work it through. And in the meantime, work extra hard at being a loving and caring friend to those kids. Because when all is said and done, you're not their mother, and that's all you ever can be.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Daughter Doesn't Make Cut for Five Generation Photo
DEAR ABBY: Before my grandmother and mother passed on, a "five-generation" picture was taken of Nana, Mom, me, my younger daughter and her little boy. This caused some distress for my older daughter, who feels she should have been included. She was, at the time, without children -- and the decision was made by the photographer.
I'm not sure if this was right or not. Could you please tell me who should be in a five-generation photograph? -- CLAIRE IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR CLAIRE: All members of each generation should have been in the picture. In your case, that would have been your grandmother, you, both your daughters and your grandchild. To have excluded one of your daughters because she was childless was insensitive -- and obviously hurtful. She should have been included as a member of the fourth generation.
DEAR ABBY: On May 11, 2004, cancer took from me the best thing that ever happened to me. My wife and I had been blissfully married for 24 years. I miss her more than I have words to say. However, I have moved on, and I am making a new life for myself. Abby, I am doing OK.
My problem is that some of my relatives, friends and co-workers don't seem to think so. I can't get through a day without one of them saying, "You need a girlfriend," or asking me when I'll remarry. I am not the moping type and exhibit an upbeat persona. (My wife would have wanted it that way.)
How can I politely get across to them that I am comfortable the way things are? I know they mean well, but it's really none of their business. I may find someone new, but it will happen when it happens. -- GETTING BY IN TEXAS
DEAR GETTING BY: To those who say, "You need a girlfriend," say, "When I feel that way, I'm sure I'll find one." And to people who ask when you'll marry again, smile and tell them you'll do so as soon as you meet the right woman. Then change the subject.
DEAR ABBY: I am being married for the second -- and last -- time. I consider myself lucky to have found someone that I look forward to seeing and being with each and every day.
For my first wedding, my mother made me a most beautiful wedding gown that I truly treasure. Would it be tacky to update the same dress for my upcoming wedding? I don't think of it in terms of my ex-husband. I think of it only as something very special from my mom. It has been 20 years, so I would not even consider asking her to make me another. -- AWAITING YOUR OPINION IN KANSAS
DEAR AWAITING: Congratulations on your wedding. I wish you and your intended a lifetime of happiness together. If the idea of your wearing the same wedding gown doesn't bother him, I see no reason why you shouldn't do it. It has been so long since your first wedding that no one is likely to realize it. It's your day, so do as you please.
DEAR ABBY: I have a question I cannot find the answer to. I have asked many people, including the chief of staff of the U.S. Army and Madeleine Albright. Nobody seems to know the answer.
I am 90 years old, and if I don't get an answer soon, it will be too late. My question is: Can nose hair get dandruff? -- JOHN W. JOHNSON, CAPT., U.S. ARMY (RET.)
DEAR CAPT. JOHNSON: Not unless the nose has been "sniffing" dandruff.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)