DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl, and for almost three months I have been e-mailing a 16-year-old boy I'll call Derek. Derek tells me how much he likes me and how much he would love to date me. I feel the same way, but when I talked to my parents about it, they did not approve.
The reason is Derek's sexual past. He was having sex in his last relationship, which lasted a little over a year. My parents are concerned that he will expect that from me.
I explained to Derek that if we were to date, I would not go that far. He respected that and promised that he would never force me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. I explained this to my parents, but they still don't trust him.
What can I do to show them I'm trustworthy enough to date an older guy and I can make good decisions for myself? – NOT A CHILD IN CASCADE, MONT.
DEAR NOT A CHILD: Your parents know you are not a child, and their concern is not that you are untrustworthy. They are concerned about Derek's trustworthiness, and whether he is mature enough to make the right decisions regarding his relationship with you in light of the fact that he was having sex with his former girlfriend for more than a year.
Although it is nice that Derek wouldn't force you to do anything you weren't comfortable with –- which could be regarded as rape, by the way -– you should ask yourself if you would both be ready to deal with the consequences if you did "get comfortable." At 14, you might be ready to socialize as part of a group, but not one-on-one. And one way to earn your parents' trust is to put some trust in their decisions.