To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Policeman Gets All Fired Up Over Lax Gun Safety Habits
DEAR ABBY: As a policeman, I was very disappointed to read (8/29) about the fellow officer who leaves his duty weapon out on the kitchen table. Even if there were no children in the house, it's an extremely dangerous thing to do.
We are supposed to take gun safety seriously. I find it disturbing when fellow officers do not. We are taught from day one to never, ever lose control of our sidearm. And "retention" holsters, designed to make it difficult to remove the sidearm, can and do fail.
I would strongly suggest that "Upset in Washington" talk one more time to her husband. He could lose his job over this. Or she could buy a small gun safe, and next time she finds the gun on the table, lock it up for him. Notice, I didn't say anything about giving him the combination.
I am very pro-gun and pro-self-defense. But that comes with the great responsibility of keeping weapons out of the hands of those who would misuse them, either by accident or on purpose. -- DISMAYED IN COLORADO
DEAR DISMAYED: Although I heard from more than a few readers who thought my advice to report the officer to his police chief was harsh, I think you are being too soft. Read on for a sample of the horror stories that letter generated:
DEAR ABBY: I am a law enforcement officer in Texas. A fellow officer lost his teenage daughter to suicide. Even though his gun had been hidden in a high cupboard, away from view, she found it and, unfortunately, succeeded in terminating her young life.
"Upset in Washington" should check to see if the police department in her city has regulations about this. Maybe she should call and speak to his supervisor and ask about the availability of gun locks for the weapon issued to her husband. This needs to be done ASAP. -- OFFICER IN TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: Your advice was right on. That wife should definitely report her husband to his chief. In our city a year ago, a police officer's son got ahold of his loaded gun and shot and killed his 5-year-old sister. Officers in our area are now required to lock up their guns at all times when off duty. Kids just don't realize the danger, so parents have to. -- SHARON IN VANCOUVER, WASH.
DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I worked for a federal law enforcement agency in New York. One of the agents came home from a late-night investigation and, not wanting to wake his wife and 3-year-old son, decided to sleep on the couch. Before retiring, he removed his weapon and placed it under the couch.
Apparently his son woke up early and found the gun. He couldn't pull the trigger with one finger, so he pointed the gun toward himself and, with both thumbs on the trigger, he fired. The result was, of course, fatal.
The agent and his wife had tried for years to have a child and were thrilled to tears when she became pregnant. How sad their happiness was so short-lived. Please have "Upset" show this letter to her irresponsible husband. Maybe he'll get the message. -- UPSET WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT IN LEBO, KAN.
DEAR ABBY: I lost my son three years ago under these very circumstances. My sister, a police officer, failed to secure her weapon. "Upset" should personally hand-deliver her husband's gun to the police chief the next time it is lying around. God forbid, one of their children, or their children's friends, gets ahold of it and causes yet another senseless tragedy. -- MISSING OUR SON IN MILWAUKEE
Couple Are Tired of Playing the Hosts, Never the Guests
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a very nice house with a dream back yard for entertaining. Over the years, some longtime friends have attended our pool party get-togethers, as well as holiday cocktail parties. They all have nice entertainment features in their homes, minus the pool.
It seems that during the last year or two, every single get-together has been at our house. We never get invited to attend any functions at any of their houses. In fact, some of our "best friends" have been no-shows at our latest dinner parties or canceled at the last minute. Any advice on trying to "get invited" to someone else's house for a change? -- TIRED OF PARTYING AT MY HOUSE
DEAR TIRED: Not everyone enjoys entertaining, and for some it can be a nerve-wracking experience, so they avoid it. But people who accept invitations are socially obligated to reciprocate in some way –- even if it's not entertaining in their homes. I don't know the "best friends" you are referring to, but it occurs to me that perhaps their financial situation may have changed in the last few years, and that may have curtailed their entertaining.
However, not showing up after accepting an invitation is very rude, and canceling at the last minute for any reason other than illness is sending you a message. It's time for a frank talk with these "friends" to see why things may have changed.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful woman, "Nicole," for the last three months. There's only one problem. When we spend time "in" as opposed to out and about, we spend the majority of it at her place –- which is usually messy.
Nicole says she goes through extra sheets when I'm there, and she feels it is my responsibility to help her clean her house and do her laundry.
I would never consider asking her to help clean my place. Is this just a matter of different perspectives, or am I being taken advantage of? -- DETERGENT DAN IN DESPAIR
DEAR DETERGENT DAN: Because you are the reason Nicole has extra loads of laundry, be "gallant" and toss the sheets in the washing machine or transfer them to the dryer if she asks you to. But after only three months, I think it's a bit presumptuous for her to expect you to be her houseman. If you were living together, it would be different. But you're not.
DEAR ABBY: I am being married in four months. It's the moment I have dreamed of for the last three years. However, the priest who is supposed to conduct our service has made rude remarks -- such as our marriage "won't last."
Abby, I am very uncomfortable about being married by a person who doesn't believe in our marriage. But if we are married by another officiate, then it won't be accepted by his family. What should I do? -- IN LOVE IN KANSAS
DEAR IN LOVE: A priest is supposed to counsel, not judge. Talk this over with your fiance, and then be married by whomever you wish. It shouldn't matter much because if this is what his family priest is saying, then I'd guess his parents already don't accept your union. And be prepared for some rough rowing on the sea of matrimony, because something tells me you two may have to fight for your happiness. I wish it were otherwise.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Availability of Mammograms Should Not Be Based on Income
DEAR ABBY: I need your help. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We know the most effective method of early detection is mammography screening. However, the most recent survey of American women has shown that more than 40 percent had not had a mammogram in the past year, that many women fail to get regular mammograms, and that only one-third of women without health insurance were able to get a mammogram the previous year.
This issue resonates deeply with me for reasons that go beyond my being president of the American Cancer Society and a surgeon who meets and treats women with cancer every day. I, too, am a breast cancer survivor. It breaks my heart knowing there are women who should be getting mammograms, but aren't. Mammograms save lives!
For many women, the decision about whether to get a mammogram is out of their hands. They simply can't afford it. The American Cancer Society feels strongly that mammograms are not a luxury but a necessity, and all women deserve one every year.
We have spent decades in the fight to reduce cancer disparities by working to ensure that a greater proportion of Americans have access to screening and treatment. The society has been a longtime supporter of the CDC's National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program, which provides access to high-quality breast cancer screenings and treatment to uninsured or underinsured women, with an emphasis on women between the ages of 50-64.
While the program has done extraordinary work to save the lives of women from breast and cervical cancer, it serves only 20 percent of eligible women due to lack of funds. And if that is not sad enough, its limited reach could be further compromised by proposals out of the White House and Congress to decrease funding.
I hope that you and your readers will agree that income level should not determine whether someone survives breast cancer. For more information on the program, or to find a local program to determine their eligibility, your readers should call 1-800-ACS-2345. -- CAROLYN RUNOWICZ, M.D., AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY
DEAR DR. RUNOWICZ AND READERS: Rather than cutting a valuable program that serves only one out of five women, shouldn't we be asking how the program can be extended to reach the other four who need help? A lifesaving program such as this one is too important to cut, because with a modest investment, more lives could be saved through it.
The American Cancer Society is asking Congress to support this program and give it greater flexibility to reach the women in greatest need and increase the funding so it can help more of them.
Because this is an election year, I urge concerned women to contact their legislators in Washington, D.C., and tell them how you feel about this important program. If you don't know who your representatives are, go to www.house.gov and enter your ZIP code. In simple terms, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so speak up and be heard.
A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown the Day of Atonement -- Yom Kippur -- begins. It's a time when observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you, Shana Tovah. May your fast be an easy one.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)