What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Nursing Degree Opens Doors to Unlimited Opportunities
DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed on Aug. 30 from that nurse who wants to change careers after only one year could have been written by me. I became a nurse in 2000. While I loved the intellectual stimulation and fulfillment of being a skilled and compassionate nurse, dealing with the "other nurses and the environment" was an entirely different matter.
There's a saying in nursing that "nurses like to eat their young." While it doesn't seem logical that experienced nurses would sabotage younger ones, it does happen -- more frequently than you might think.
I finally decided to change careers after only five years in the field. But then, I live in a small town. If I still lived in the large city I moved from three years ago, I'd have simply changed employers or gone into a different type of nursing. Unfortunately, there are no such options here.
More and more nurses are opting for career changes, Abby. It's a shame, too, considering the nursing shortage in our country. Your advice to "Susan in St. Louis" was right on. Living where she does, she's bound to find something better suited for her than where she is now -- or maybe she should switch to a different department in the same hospital. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN VIRGINIA
DEAR BTDT: With the shortage of skilled nurses in this country, your departure from the field is everybody's loss. Until I read your letter, I had never heard the expression "nurses eat their young." But it was echoed by a surprising number of nurses who responded to that letter. Like you, they wanted to remind "Susan" that other opportunities are available in this specialized and important field. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Susan in St. Louis" has many ways she can use her nursing training. If she likes hospital work, among the specialties she might try are: obstetrics, pediatrics, intensive care and dialysis. If she doesn't like hospital work, there is school nursing, which includes teaching, screening for various problems like scoliosis, as well as first aid. There is also industrial nursing, where you work for a private company.
In addition, there is research, writing for journals, flight nursing, IV therapy, case management, holistic, forensic, home health, nurse-anesthetist, nurse-practitioner, and many other options. Once you become a nurse, the world is your oyster. I know of few other careers that offer so much variety. -- VETERAN NURSE OF 24 YEARS
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Susan in St. Louis" that with just a little more training, she can use her skill as a nurse to help attorneys understand and read medical records. She will do the same job as a normal paralegal, but she'll be working mainly in medical malpractice and personal injury areas, reading medical records. -- LEGAL SECRETARY IN OHIO
DEAR ABBY: There are unlimited opportunities for that young woman to apply her nursing/medical education to other careers. Plenty of drug and medical companies would welcome someone with nurse's training and experience for positions in clinical testing protocols, data review, on-site visits, customer support and interaction with medical professionals.
Many years ago, I graduated with a high school biology/science teaching degree, only to find after one year of teaching that I hated it. I have used my education to do something I could have never imagined: I have been successfully consulting to domestic and international medical device companies for more than 20 years. -- CAROLANN IN LILBURN, GA.
Public Data on Web Site May Shed Light on Man's Shady Past
DEAR ABBY: I'm in a relationship with a man I'll call "Dominick," who was arrested a few years back, but he refuses to tell me what he was arrested for. I have two children, and I don't want to continue this relationship if Dominick is a child molester.
Do you know where I can find out what he did? -- UNEASY IN SANFORD, FLA.
DEAR UNEASY: All you have to do is go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.fdle.state.fl.us" ��www.fdle.state.fl.us� and click on the sexual offender data base link. It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) Web site, and it contains public-record information on people who have been classified as sexual predators/offenders under Florida law.
Readers, please note that different states have different laws about what information is made available to the public regarding criminals in this category.
From the FDLE site, you can link to other state sites and to the National Sex Offender Public Registry at � HYPERLINK "http://www.nsopr.gov" ��www.nsopr.gov�, which is provided by the U.S. Department of Justice.
However, that this man has refused to divulge the reason for his arrest to you should have already raised a huge red flag. It means he has plenty to hide, and because he's unwilling to be forthcoming, my advice is to invest no more time in him.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17. I had a dear friend I'll call "Gina." Her father was addicted to drugs and her mother died when she was young. Gina had nowhere to live because of certain things that were going on in her life, so I talked to my parents and they agreed she could live in our home. We took her in and treated her like a family member.
After living here for a month, Gina did something horrible. She had sex with a boy I'll call "Jesse." He was my first love and meant the world to me. Jesse and I were together for two years, on and off, and it was right after we had broken up that Gina lied to my face about what happened with him. She couldn't even own up to it. I heard it from one of my other good friends.
Abby, my family accepted Gina as one of our own. We clothed her, fed her, gave her a place to stay and comforted her through all her troubles. I don't know what to do. Pretend like nothing happened? She hurt me very badly, and everyone I tell this story to seems to think I should break off the friendship for good. I miss her company, but she really hurt me. Should I forgive her? -- BURNED IN BROOKLYN
DEAR BURNED: Gina may have lied because she was ashamed of what happened. I see no reason to pretend that nothing happened. However, whether you forgive Gina would depend on something you left out of your letter. Because this happened "right after" you and Jesse broke up, is it possible he used her to punish you? And who spread the story around? Was it Gina, or was it Jesse bragging about his latest conquest?
You need to be able to tell Gina how much her fling hurt you. She used extremely poor judgment under the circumstances to forge ahead with that "romance" while living under your roof. But if Jesse told her it was over between you, I can see why she might have. Forgiveness will depend on the answers you get from Gina, and how much forgiveness you're capable of.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am the military wife who signed my letter "Going Crazy in San Diego." I would like to apologize to you and all of your concerned readers for the worry I caused with my letter. Since I wrote you, I have been seeing a doctor and taking antidepressants, which have made a big difference. I will look into speaking to our military ombudsman as well.
I would like you and your readers to know I have never laid a hand on my child in anger, nor would I. Please understand that those were the thoughts of a scared, unsure and extremely exhausted new mother.
It's not easy to raise a new baby, but it's much harder when you're alone for months, far away from family and friends, and don't know if you'll ever see your husband alive again.
I have spoken to other new mothers in my situation and was relieved to discover I was not alone with my fears. My grandmother and an aunt are flying out to see me in a few weeks to give me a helping hand, and I'll be taking the baby to see them early next year.
My baby is doing amazingly well and sleeping through the night, which has been a big step in our happiness together. To ease her colic, I have discovered she enjoys being read to. So that's what we do together.
I have also found it's really nice to have a tiny person to cuddle, and that reading Dr. Seuss for long stretches of time is enjoyable when your audience is so enthralled by it.
Abby, I hope you and your readers can forgive the harsh words of a young mother who, in her time of need, turned to you for advice. We all make mistakes, and no child was harmed during mine. I apologize for upsetting so many people. -- NO LONGER GOING CRAZY IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR NO LONGER GOING CRAZY: There is no need to apologize and nothing to be forgiven for. It is never an imposition to reach out for help to me -- ever. No one is angry with you. The thousands of people who responded to your letter were deeply concerned –- as was I -– with your plight and wanted to offer support.
I am relieved that you took my advice, are now under a doctor's care, feeling better about yourself and your daughter, and better able to function in your role as a mommy. It is letters like yours that make my column so soul-satisfying. And I know my readers will be as pleased as I am that you took the time to write and let us know you are back in control and receiving the support you need from your doctor and your family. -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl whose aunt has a special nickname for her. My aunt constantly calls me "Chubster"! She thinks it's funny and cute, but Abby, she doesn't know I'm self-conscious about my weight.
I know she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, and it is supposed to be a loving nickname, but I can't help wondering why she didn't give that nickname to my older sister, who is a thin ballerina.
I don't want to insult my aunt, but this has to stop! Please help. -- ANOTHER ABBY IN FLORIDA
DEAR OTHER ABBY: Calling you "Chubster" may have been cute when you were a baby, but it is not appropriate now. It would not be insulting to tell your aunt frankly that the nickname she has given you is hurtful, and ask her to either select another one or call you by your given name. If she continues to call you "Chubster" after that, avoid her. Maybe then she'll get the message.
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