To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Resisting Peer Pressure Saves Teens From 'Games' That Kill
DEAR ABBY: I turned 21 on the 11th of last month, and my friends wanted me to celebrate with "21 shots" of liquor. But after reading your columns about the 21 deadly birthday shots, I told them it was one tradition I wouldn't be trying.
Thank you for addressing this issue and printing the letters from the parents. I decided that my life is more important than impressing my friends. Your article was a sign from God to me. My thanks also to all the concerned parents who wrote to you. -- TARA IN CLINTON, MISS.
DEAR TARA: I'm pleased beyond words that the column helped you to make that wise decision. Too many young adults cave in to peer pressure and put their lives at risk when a "shot" of common sense would prevent it. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: The other night, my 19-year-old daughter, "Erin," told me about a "game" some teens are playing for kicks. She didn't seem to realize it could get her killed.
Abby, Erin jumped on the hood of a friend's truck and he took off as fast as he could. He was unaware that she didn't have her grip. When he slammed on the brakes, she went flying and landed on her back. She hit her head, scraped her back, backside and elbows, then hit her head again. She got up and nearly fainted, but no one bothered to call an ambulance or take her to the hospital.
Talking with people, I'm hearing that this game is not uncommon. I'm still shaken about how close I came to losing my daughter. Please, Abby, warn kids that these games are life-threatening, that burying a child or caring for one who is brain-damaged for life IS a big deal. -- STUNNED MOTHER, ESCONDIDO, CALIF.
DEAR MOTHER: I'm spreading the word in the hope that it will cause some of the risk-takers to wake up and realize that no one is invincible. However, strongly as I might stress that message, the following letter that arrived in the same batch as yours may be even more compelling. My advice to you is to do whatever you must to get your daughter away from the immature and irresponsible crowd she's hanging around with. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, a 16-year-old young man was killed when he fell off a moving car while "body-surfing" on the roof of the vehicle. The police think the teenager had been lying on the roof of the car when he fell and struck his head on the pavement and a guard rail. The driver told police that his friend had seen "car-surfing" on an MTV show called "Jackass."
What a senseless waste of a life! That boy had his whole lifetime ahead of him. People should be educated in the laws of physics. If they were, perhaps a tragedy such as this one could have been averted. -- STEVE IN COOKEVILLE, TENN.
DEAR STEVE: My deepest sympathy goes to that boy's family. I'm sure that when he decided to repeat a stunt he saw on television, he had no clue it would cause his own death and his family a lifetime of heartbreak.
After reading your letter, I spoke with Roberto Peccei, Ph.D., vice chancellor for research at UCLA, who kindly explained that the law of physics you mentioned is the Law of Inertia. It means that unless you are secured to a moving object (i.e., a car), you will continue moving forward at the same speed the car was going if the driver slams on the brakes! That's why it's so important that passengers wear seat belts.
I only hope that any teen who sees this and is tempted to car-surf will think again.
Vet Worries Son's Protest May Provoke Serious Threat
DEAR ABBY: I am an armed forces veteran who spent a tour of duty in Iraq in 2004. My wife and I separated three years ago, and she and our four children now reside in another state. Neither of us has "moved on," and we may reconcile later in life.
I am writing about my oldest son, "Jon," who is 18 and not yet out of high school due to poor grades. He and I do not have a good relationship and have very different views regarding life and politics. Jon was, and still is, bitter over his mother and me separating.
When I returned from Iraq on mid-tour leave, I gave him the uniform jacket I wore in combat with all the rank, flags, name tags, etc., on it as a gift. I know from my own youth that I would have been proud to have had something from my uncles or father that they wore during the war. Jon started wearing it as soon as I gave it to him, and I was proud of him to do so.
I have not seen him much since my return to the United States from the war. However, I did see him a little over a month ago and noticed that he's still wearing the jacket. My wife says he wears it often. He has written an anarchy symbol in permanent marker on the American flag on the right sleeve under my combat patch. I am angry and disappointed, but I didn't make waves. I am not sure how to handle this, and I'm afraid that a returning soldier may take one look and vent his problems from combat tour of duty on my son. -- AMERICAN VET IN ALABAMA
DEAR AMERICAN VET: Your son may have defaced the jacket to punish you for the separation, or as a political statement. We live in a country that guarantees freedom of speech. Ask him if he realizes the effect that the anarchy symbol he penned on the American flag may have on other vets (including you). If the answer is yes, then he may have to learn the hard way what can happen when someone does something that's deliberately inflammatory.
DEAR ABBY: My husband left me a year ago, and our divorce became final two months ago. We have a 3-year-old daughter who lives primarily with me, but sees him frequently.
I am a preschool teacher, and my daughter attends classes at the same school where I teach. I have just learned that my ex was dating -- and is still communicating with -- one of my co-teachers, "Danielle." Ironically, she and I were working in the same classroom when he left me, and I cried on her shoulder about the situation. We bonded because her husband had left her.
It gets worse. It seems at least one other teacher has known about the situation for several months. Danielle was apparently reading e-mails from my ex in the staff room and shared a message with the other teacher, whispering, "Shhh ..." as she pointed to his name on the screen.
I feel furious, betrayed and humiliated. I think my ex is pond scum, and Danielle is simply evil. I don't want my daughter connected to this woman in any way. I have to see Danielle every day, and I don't know what to say or do. So far, I have been avoiding her. Any advice? -- EX-WIFE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR EX-WIFE: I don't blame you for feeling betrayed, but you can't control who your ex sees or who might be with him when your daughter visits her dad. My advice is to keep your cool and continue to avoid Danielle. There is nothing to be gained -- and you could have a lot to lose -- if you create a scene at the school. Should you run into her away from the school and choose to give her a piece of your mind, that's your privilege. But don't count on shaming the shameless -- because that's what she is.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
New Year Starts Out Right With Positive Resolutions
DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, everyone! Welcome to a brand-new year. Today is our chance for a new beginning, the day we discard destructive habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I'm printing Dear Abby's oft-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent in by I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India:
DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature." The following prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
"Where there is injury, pardon;
"Where there is doubt, faith;
"Where there is despair, hope;
"Where there is darkness, light;
"Where there is sadness, joy.
"O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
"To be understood as to understand;
"To be loved as to love.
"For it is in giving that we receive;
"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
"It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
May we all be granted peace and joy in this new year.
To one and all, a happy, healthy 2006! -- Love, ABBY
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)