DEAR ABBY: I went into our home office and noticed that my wife had left her e-mail on. I spotted an odd name, so I opened one of the messages and my jaw dropped. It was from a man with whom my wife was having an affair. The e-mails were so graphic as to leave nothing to the imagination. This person is someone with whom my wife had an affair before we got together. He was going to leave his wife and live with her before we met, but when push came to shove, he stayed with his wife and just used mine for sex.
One of the messages discussed a planned meeting that did not take place -- only because he got stuck at work. She e-mailed him and told him he could stop by the house any night after 10 and have sex for an hour or two because our 5-year-old son and I were sleeping in other bedrooms!
She insists that "nothing happened," which I have trouble believing. We have been seeing a therapist who believes my wife, and says that since "nothing happened" it wasn't an affair. I disagree. Am I wrong? -- FURIOUS IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FURIOUS: You now have two problems. You have a therapist who is siding with your wife, and an advice columnist who sees it your way. No, I do not think you are wrong. And unless your wife can come up with a satisfactory explanation for inviting her old lover over for sex under the same roof as her child and her husband, I'd say your marriage is O.V.E.R.
DEAR ABBY: I have one sister. Our mother is deceased. When our father passes away, he will leave a sizable estate to my sister and me, consisting of two homes and various businesses.
Because my sister lives 300 miles away, I will likely be the one taking care of Dad's affairs after his death. This will involve a great deal of time, going through both houses, some cleaning, and too many phone calls to count, etc.
Would it be fair to keep track of the time my husband and I devote to this, charge an hourly fee, and deduct it from my sister's share of our father's estate? Let's face it, fair is fair. -- DREADING WHAT'S AHEAD
DEAR DREADING: It seems fair to me. However, if your father has his faculties, this is something that should be discussed while he's still living so it can be noted in his will. If he's too ill to talk, then speak to the lawyer who drew up the will. You may be surprised to learn that what you have in mind is usual and customary. The lawyer can explain it to you.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Craig," whom I have known almost a year. We have become closer than friends in a lot of ways -- except the one way that counts, if you know what I mean.
Craig likes to tease me about sex, but says it will never happen because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Do you think it's fair for him to arouse me and then just run out the door?
Craig says he doesn't want me, but when I go out on dates with other people he gets mad. How should I handle this? -- IRRITATED IN GEORGIA
DEAR IRRITATED: The key phrase in your letter is "he says he doesn't want me." Craig may enjoy teasing you (a power play), or he might be gay (unavailable for romance). In either case, the result will be frustration for you if you allow the relationship to continue as it is. I say, move on.
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