DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Tim," and I have been together almost two years. He's an accountant -- a buttoned-down type of person who always has to make sure the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed, if you know what I mean. I, on the other hand, am an artist who prefers to live my life in broad brush strokes. My problem is that Tim cannot stop nit-picking and second-guessing everything I do. I love him, but it is really getting to me.
Is there a solution to this? I have reached the point that the next time he does it, I'm afraid we're going to come to blows. -- MR. "J" IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MR. "J": Your "buttoned-down" partner behaves the way he does because he needs to feel he's in control. The nit-picking and second-guessing give him the upper hand, especially if it makes you redo whatever it was he criticized. It's an obnoxious trait, and I'm sure it is difficult to live with.
Before you "come to blows," however, the answer is for the two of you to get couples counseling, and the place to start is the nearest gay and lesbian center. Do it now -- before you say or do something you'll regret.