DEAR ABBY: My mother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer that spread to her liver. Over the last five years, she has put up a brave fight, smiling through her surgeries, years of chemo and constant pain. The doctors now say there's nothing more they can do. Basically, Mom is at home waiting to die.
I recently moved back with my parents so I can help Dad with Mother's care. I'm glad I can take time off and spend quality time with them. I am 23 and love them both.
My concern is, my father rarely speaks about Mother's illness. We joke about it, mostly to avoid a sad, uncomfortable situation. I'm dealing with this like my dad does. I rarely talk about it, and when I do, I make a joke. I have tried discussing how I feel with friends, but most of the time they stop me because it's hard for them to hear. I have also tried talking about things with Dad, but I don't want to make him sad. I start to lose it every time he tears up, so now I avoid the subject.
I don't know who to talk to. Sometimes I feel it's pointless to try because talking won't change the situation. But my feelings are becoming overwhelming, and I need to let them out. Can you help me? -- OVERWHELMED IN ARIZONA
DEAR OVERWHELMED: I'm sorry your mother isn't doing well. However, I'm sure your presence is a great comfort to both of your parents.
It is very important that both you and your father find an outlet where it's safe to talk about your feelings because they are normal. Although it may be painful, and probably tearful, tears can be healing. The American Cancer Society has programs for people with cancer and their families, including excellent support groups. You do not have to go through this difficult time alone, so please don't wait to make contact. Find a program in your area by visiting www.cancer.org and typing in your ZIP code. (Or you can call: 1-800-ACS-2345.) There is also an online community where people can chat anytime they feel the need 24/7. Although it's a cancer survivors' network, families are welcome, too. You're in my prayers.