QUOTE FOR THE DAY: "How many people on Earth serve people? And how many people on Earth serve the Earth? The difference in the numbers must be enormous. It would reveal that the Earth is definitely not the primary concern of the human species. This might be fatal both to the Earth and to humanity. Please, leaders of the Earth and the nations, wake up to this potentially fatal disparity." -- ROBERT MULLER
Strict Pool Rules May Prevent Homeowner From Taking a Bath
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Desperate in Kansas," about uninvited guests showing up to use their new swimming pool, I had to write.
Here's how my wife and I solved the problem when neighborhood children started showing up at all hours. First, we decided that rules would have to be set -- and enforced.
We began by having a sturdy fence and locked wrought-iron gates installed around the pool area. Then we increased the homeowner's liability limits on our insurance. We asked our attorney to draw up a "liability waiver" to be signed by the parents of the children in our neighborhood and returned to us personally by the parent or guardian. If there was no signed waiver, the child was not permitted to swim.
We allocated two evenings a week, between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m., when the neighbors' children were welcome to use our pool. These were evenings when my wife and I would be home to sit on the patio and watch and referee the children. No swimming would be permitted at any other time unless by special invitation.
"Desperate" should try our method. Her neighbors will respect her for it. -- EXPERIENCED IN YUMA, ARIZ.
DEAR EXPERIENCED: Consider yourself fortunate that your neighbors abided by your rules. Since I printed that letter, I have heard some horror stories. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: You suggested that "Desperate in Kansas" put a stop to the drop-ins by becoming assertive, installing a flagpole or signs to indicate when the pool was open, increasing the amount of homeowner insurance, and suggesting the pool be fenced. I don't think you went far enough.
When I was in college, part of a constitutional law course I took covered the subject of torts and liability. One particular case we studied stands out in my memory. It involved a family whose swimming pool was surrounded by a 6-foot-high locked fence. While the family was away on vacation, several youths scaled the fence and went swimming. Unfortunately, one drowned, and the owners of the pool were convicted of negligent homicide!
The ruling stated that the owners of the pool should have contacted each neighbor and informed them of their plans because a pool is considered an "attractive nuisance." I would urge "Desperate" to contact an attorney who can advise her about local law and liability. At the very least, she should place a "No Trespassing" sign on the lawn, install a locked fence, and send a card to the neighbors explaining the rules.
The cost of these measures is minuscule compared to a potential liability suit. -- CHRIS IN PELHAM, ALA.
DEAR CHRIS: Thank you for the warning. One of my readers sat on a jury for a wrongful death suit with similar circumstances and urged me to inform "Desperate" as well as other pool owners that uninvited children using a swimming pool without permission or parental supervision should be reported to the police for trespassing. Better to have it on record than to risk being held liable for an accident.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Last year, you kindly published a letter from Dr. Deborah Wexler of the Immunization Action Coalition highlighting the importance of influenza immunization. Thanks in part to your efforts, record numbers of people were vaccinated early in the 2003-2004 season. Your letter could not have appeared at a better time, because the United States experienced an early flu season and children were severely impacted. By mid-December, 42 influenza-related deaths were reported in children under 18 years of age, half of them in children younger than 4.
Children between the ages of 6 months to 23 months remain especially vulnerable to complications from influenza infection. This year, the influenza vaccine is recommended for all children between 6 months and 23 months. Parents, household contacts and caregivers of children between those ages should also be vaccinated. These children, many of whom are receiving the vaccine for the first time, may require TWO shots for complete protection. To assure two shots can be given, parents should seek out the vaccine for their infants early.
We in the medical community want the public to be aware of these important new recommendations. Additionally, we want to make sure health-care professionals are aware. The influenza vaccine is extremely effective and can save lives. -- MICHAEL FLEMING, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF FAMILY PHYSICIANS; CARDEN JOHNSTON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS; JOHN C. NELSON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
DEAR DRS. FLEMING, JOHNSTON AND NELSON: I'm pleased to help you spread the word.
Readers, I am told that influenza kills more than 36,000 people every year, and together with pneumonia is the eighth leading cause of death. It's a tragedy that common myths surrounding the flu vaccine sometimes prevent people from getting it. These myths include the widely held mistaken belief that if you aren't vaccinated in September or October, it is too late to do it, and that only people over the age of 65 need it. Older citizens are not the only people who can benefit from flu shots; children and those who live and work closely with them can also benefit.
DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend of 18 months. It took me many years to forgive him. However, I don't think I ever forgave myself.
Now that I am in college, I can't bring myself to date. Every time I am asked out, I use any and all excuses I can come up with. It terrifies me that someone will betray my trust again. If a guy shows the slightest interest, I run away and cut off contact until he stops. I have never told anyone about what happened in high school because I thought they would blame me. Please help me -- I'm so confused. -- ASHAMED AND AFRAID IN COLORADO
DEAR ASHAMED AND AFRAID: I'm sad to say that rape is one of the most underreported crimes, and for the very reason that stopped you -- the victim fears that she (or he) was somehow to blame. The victim is never to blame! The quickest way to start the healing process and move forward with your life would be to arrange to talk to a mental health professional at the student health center. Do not put it off. The time to deal with this is now, while help is close at hand. No one will blame you. Please trust me and make the call NOW.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Husband's Sexual Obsession Takes Toll on Wife's Health
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 13 years. During that time, my husband, "Newton," has had several affairs, but I forgave him and we managed to patch things up.
Around 1995, I noticed a change in Newton's sexual behavior. Porno magazines began arriving and charges showed up on our credit card for sexual sites on the Internet. I thought about leaving, but by then we had two daughters.
I recently went to visit my parents in another state for a weekend. It was the first time since our marriage that I went alone. While I was gone, Newton bought some kind of sexual-enhancer vitamins for women. We've always had an active sex life, and I didn't think I needed enhancers.
One morning I drove our girls to school, and when I returned home to do the breakfast dishes, I found "stuff" floating in the coffee pot. I confronted Newton. At first he denied it, but eventually he admitted that he had crushed two of the vitamins and put them in the coffee -- after conveniently getting himself a cup first.
I have lost 17 pounds since then without trying. My doctor can find nothing wrong with me. I now wonder what Newton will do next, but honestly, nothing would surprise me anymore. My world revolved around him. I love him, but I know I am no longer IN love with him.
Abby, I came from a broken home. I never wanted that for my children. Newton knows this, and I think he uses it to his advantage. I am only here because of our children and because I'm not sure I have the confidence to start over. -- TIRED OF PLAYING THE FOOL IN COLORADO
DEAR TIRED: For the sake of your health and sanity, it's time to separate and get some counseling. The coffee in your house isn't the only thing that's toxic. The alternative to finding the confidence to start over appears to be hiring a food taster.
It's a toss-up whether your husband is so hooked on pornography that he is out of touch with reality -- and therefore expects you to perform with the abandon of a porn star -- or whether he is totally without empathy for others. Either way, you and the girls will be safer away from him.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think it is possible to lead a happy, fulfilled life if you never fall in love with someone and have a lasting relationship? I have a good job, own my own home, have many wonderful friends, and I know I should not feel empty because I don't have a relationship -- but I do. -- LONELY IN TEXAS
DEAR LONELY: Of course it's possible. But not if the person is preoccupied with what he or she "might" be missing. What comes to mind are people who dedicate their lives to animals, various causes, and those who enter religious orders.
Since you would like to have a relationship, it's time to expand your circle of friends and activities and go online to see if you can find someone compatible. But please bear in mind that there are worse things than being alone, and one of them is being married to the wrong person.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)