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Paramedics Give Heart Attack Victims a Treatment Head Start
DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns a letter in your column. It was written by a woman who had suffered a heart attack and was driven to the hospital by her husband.
I have been a paramedic for 18 years. It is important your readers understand that attempting to drive yourself or a loved one to a hospital is a bad idea. The 911 emergency number was put in place to help the sick and injured in a timely manner. Most citizens are not aware of the capabilities of their local emergency medical services agencies.
Today, paramedics bring the emergency room to the patient's home. We are capable of treating chest pain and, in many cases, of diagnosing a heart attack in the patient's living room. This information is relayed directly to the emergency room, where a doctor can assemble a cardiac catheterization team to promptly treat the heart attack when the patient arrives. (Not every hospital can provide cardiac catheterization, so we offer the patient a choice to go directly to a properly equipped facility.) In addition, we administer medications immediately.
The biggest delay in receiving prompt care is delay in calling 911, due to denial. "Time is muscle" is our saying. The more time you waste, the more heart muscle is damaged. The average person driving someone to a hospital cannot treat the person, and also tends to speed and drive in an unsafe manner. Please inform your readers, Abby. -- PAUL TOSCINO, WATERVLIET, N.Y.
DEAR PAUL: Thank you for the valuable reminder that 911 is for life-threatening emergencies, and the expertise of the technicians can mean the difference between life and death.
DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old daughter was recently invited to a birthday party for two of her classmates (twins). The party is scheduled for a weeknight from 6 to 8:30 p.m. -- the time I have set for bath time, story time and lights out at 8 p.m.
Would I be rude and insensitive if I do not permit my daughter to attend? I don't want to offend the mother, but I don't want to rev my child up with sugary party snacks and activities right before a late bedtime. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: Rude and insensitive? No. Rigid? Yes. I'm willing to bet that the mother of the twins is a working woman, and the party would be earlier if it was possible. I see no harm in bending the rules or flexing your daughter's schedule once in a while. Of course, you will be going with your daughter to the party, so monitoring what she eats should be a cinch. Feeding your daughter a healthy meal before the party should ensure that she won't overdose on sugar. I say, let her go.
DEAR ABBY: When my 12-year-old daughter spends the night somewhere other than home, I don't sleep well. When she goes away to camp for a week, I hardly sleep at all. I am not up all night pacing the floor, worrying about her -- I just can't sleep.
My sister tells me that this is not normal. Am I abnormal for losing sleep when my daughter is away? -- SLEEPLESS NEAR SEATTLE
DEAR SLEEPLESS: No, you are not abnormal. You are a vigilant parent. Many parents cannot sleep unless they know their children are safe in their own beds and under their own roof.
Late Husband's Secret Comes Around to Haunt His Widow
DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband of 32 years, "Loren," passed away last year after a long illness. I took an extensive leave from work to be at his side.
Several weeks ago, after I returned from work, my doorbell rang. On my doorstep was a tall, well-mannered, 19-year-old young woman asking for a "few minutes of my time." (My children are ages 29 and 27.)
This young woman claims she is my husband's daughter, the product of an affair between him and her mother, whom he met at a local sporting event. Loren was very active in sports. He was a former physical education teacher and coach. She produced a photo of herself with Loren and her mother, taken on her fifth birthday -- and another with Loren and her mother, who was visibly pregnant.
I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach. She told me Loren had stayed in touch, paid child support in cash, and bought her gifts and clothing. His name, however, is not on her birth certificate. She has asked me for some "keepsakes" from Loren, and said he had promised to help her financially with college tuition.
Please tell me what to do. I haven't told anyone about this, not even my children. I'm too ashamed and shocked. -- HEARTSICK IN N.Y.
DEAR HEARTSICK: The first thing you should do is call your lawyer. For her to have hit you with this news the way she did was brutal. I wouldn't blame you if you made no further communication with her except through your lawyer, and let him (or her) be your guide.
DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Don," is 13. There is a 13-year age difference between us. Lately, Don has not been himself. He used to talk with me about his problems. Now he won't discuss anything more than the weather or everyday things. He used to be caring and happy. Now he's angry a lot, sometimes to the point that he hits himself in the face.
When I ask Don why he does this, he gets upset and says he doesn't care anymore. Mom and Dad work a lot. I know my little brother is not on drugs. I checked. Is this just part of being a teen? How can I help him? -- BROTHER IN ALABAMA
DEAR BROTHER: When someone becomes angry, the normal impulse is to strike out. For some reason your brother is directing his anger back on himself. Whatever is at the root of his anger and unhappiness, the quickest way to get him the help he needs is to tell your parents what you have observed. Hitting oneself in the face could be a sign of psychological problems that should be treated by a mental health professional.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend wets the bed every night. Don't tell me to have him see a doctor; he won't. He just says he can't help it. What is your advice? I can't take it anymore. -- CAN'T STAND IT IN N.J.
DEAR CAN'T STAND IT: It's sad that your boyfriend refuses to consult a urologist about his bed-wetting, because there are medications and devices that could solve the problem. He may simply be unaware that there is help for his problem. If he still refuses to see a doctor, there is nothing you or I can do, and because you can no longer tolerate it, it may be time to tell him goodbye.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Parents Have Hissy Fit When Baby Sitter Kills Pet Snake
DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who baby-sits for extra money. I baby-sat for a new family last week. After I put the kids to bed, I found a snake in the house. I was scared for the kids, so I grabbed a kitchen knife and chopped off the snake's head.
When the parents returned, I found out it was their pet snake that had escaped from its cage, and they were really angry. I feel terrible about it. Although I apologized, they won't talk to me when they see me in the neighborhood.
Should I write them a letter of apology or buy them a new snake? I don't know what the proper etiquette is when you kill someone's pet. -- RATTLED IN TEXAS
DEAR RATTLED: You reacted to what you perceived as a danger. What is unfortunate is that the couple for whom you were baby-sitting were so careless they not only failed to tell you they had an exotic pet in the house, but also compounded it by leaving without making sure the creature was securely in its cage where it belonged. You do not "owe" the family a replacement. They owe you an apology.
DEAR ABBY: I was sexually harassed at the age of 7. I wasn't raped; I was just touched and used by my brother's friend.
I am now 13 and I'm very fond of one boy in particular. But ever since I was 7, I can't open up to guys. When I try, I get scared because I remember what happened to me.
I never told my parents what happened, because I never felt like I needed to. But now I'm getting older and I realize how wrong it was -- of him, I mean. I was so young I didn't understand what was happening.
I want some help, but I don't know where to go, so I've turned to you. Please help me, Abby. -- SCARRED 4 LIFE
DEAR YOUNG LADY: Please clip this letter, give it to your mother and tell her you wrote it. You were not harassed; you were MOLESTED. It is important that you talk about what happened with a professional, possibly one who specializes in post-traumatic stress, who can help you work it through. The sooner you start, the sooner you can begin to build healthy relationships with peers. I wish you the best of luck.
P.S. I regret that you didn't report the molestation to your parents when it occurred. Had you done so, you could have received help then, and guaranteed that the boy could not abuse another child.
DEAR ABBY: Do you think it is appropriate for a brother (age 21) and a sister (age 17) to share the same bed? The siblings each have a large, comfortable bed of their own, but frequently wind up sharing. This is very troubling to a dear friend of mine, who is their stepparent. It seems the biological parent is hesitant to discourage the behavior, and only reluctantly admits it might be inappropriate. -- JUST ASKING IN HOUSTON
DEAR JUST: I am mystified at the attitude of the biological parent, who appears to be ignoring a possibly incestuous relationship. Of course it's not appropriate. The "children" should have been sleeping apart since well before puberty.
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