DEAR ABBY: "Lindsey" and I are co-workers. We have known each other nearly 10 years. We slept together on a recent business trip and I agreed to keep it between us. I didn't keep my promise and it got back to Lindsey.
She is terribly hurt, and sadly, I can't undo the wrong I've done. As a result, I have lost a friend and will always regret what I did.
Lindsey told me she had denied that anything happened between us to the person who approached her. She asked me to do the same and say that it was all a joke -- that I had made up the story about our being together.
I know I betrayed her trust after I promised her I wouldn't speak to anyone about it. I feel she's justified in her anger toward me and is right to have ended our friendship. But I don't think it's a good idea for me to compound the situation with a lie. I don't see how it would make things better. Should I grant her this favor? -- MR. BIG MOUTH IN BROOKLYN
DEAR MR. BIG: Yes, you should grant her this favor. There's an old saying: A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Considering the damage you have done to your friend's reputation by crowing, a little white lie is not too much to ask.
DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter is being married. Her mother is my ex-wife. My daughter wants me and my new wife to attend the wedding. Her mother says she will not attend if my wife is there. I should point out that my wife and I will be helping out financially. Her mother will be helping out only minimally.
Is it appropriate for my new wife to attend with me? Is my former wife out of line in threatening to ruin the wedding by not showing up? -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN ARIZONA
DEAR FATHER: If your current wife was the reason for your divorce, then your former wife's feelings are understandable. However, since your daughter has stated that she would like your new wife to attend, it is appropriate that she be there. One way you could solve this problem would be for you and your former wife to be seated as far apart as possible on this special day. I hope she will consider this compromise.
DEAR ABBY: I hired a cleaning lady who came well-recommended. At first I was pleased, as she did what needed to be done.
Now I have discovered that some nice pieces of jewelry are missing. She is the only person, other than my husband of 54 years, who has been in the upstairs of our home. I have no proof that she took these items of jewelry.
Should I talk to her about this, or should I just tell her I no longer need her? How should I handle this? -- MRS. B. IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MRS. B.: By all means talk to your housekeeper. Explain that you can't find the missing jewelry. (Speaking from personal experience, I have put an object down while my mind was on something else -- particularly reading glasses, which often seem to mysteriously migrate.) Ask her if she can help you locate the missing pieces of jewelry. If they don't turn up, it's time to call the police and file a report.
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