DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are raising our 4-year-old granddaughter, "Nicole." We've had her since she was a year old. Our daughter, "Terri," lives 1,800 miles away and has nothing to do with Nicole. The only time we hear from Terri is when she wants money.
Terri knows that our upstairs apartment is vacant and now she wants to move in. She's six months pregnant, has no job and no help from the father of the baby. If we allow her to move upstairs, not only will we be paying for the baby, but we'll be raising it, too, while she runs around all day and parties all night. (That's the reason we have Nicole.)
I have said "no" to her moving back here. She thinks I'm wrong, and so does my husband. When Terri came to visit last Christmas, all we did was fight because of her ways. If she doesn't get her way, she becomes very mean and says ugly things in front of Nicole. I'm sad to say this, but I'd rather not have Terri around as an example for the child. Am I wrong? Should I let her come home? -- TORN IN ILLINOIS
DEAR TORN: No. For your own sake, as well as your granddaughter's, do not allow Terri to move in. Your daughter is an adult and should learn to act like one. If she lives under your roof, she will rule the roost, and your husband will continue to side with her. Unless you want to be an unpaid maid and baby sitter, stand your ground.
DEAR ABBY: I am 18. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. During that time we have lived together, and we know each other inside and out.
When I told my mother months ago that we were getting married, she dismissed it. She said she didn't have the money to help out with a wedding. When we told her we had decided to go to a justice of the peace, she said she'd be gone camping that day.
I'd really like for my mother to be there. My father died when I was 8, and she's the only parent I have. I love her dearly and can't figure out why she wouldn't want to be there, because I'm her only child. What's your take on this, Abby? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN OREGON
DEAR CONFUSED: That's a question you should be asking your mother. She may have concerns because you are marrying so young. Or she may not approve of your boyfriend. But you will never know the answer unless you ask your mother how she feels about your plans. Please don't wait to do it.
DEAR ABBY: My sister, who is now out of high school and about to go to college, has never had a job. She has turned in a couple of job applications, but it's been two years and she's still unemployed. Our parents are frustrated with her.
Every time I look at the classifieds for a job for her, she yells at me and tells me I'm exactly like our parents. How can I get her to find a job without making her angry? -- FRUSTRATED SISTER
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You cannot -- nor should you -- get your sister a job. It's clear she doesn't want one, and until she's motivated, she won't find one. Who is paying for her college education? Who is giving her spending money? Perhaps when the well runs dry, your sister will get her shovel and start digging.
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