To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dieters Pray for Strength to Lead Healthy Lifestyle
DEAR ABBY: My cousin, "Hazel," was recently told by her doctor that she must lose 75 pounds. She tells me that sticking to her diet is almost impossible. Years ago, you printed a prayer for dieters in your column. It was based on the 23rd Psalm. I kept a copy of it for years, but I lost it. Would you please print it again? -- SYMPATHETIC IN TAOS, N.M.
DEAR SYMPATHETIC: I couldn't locate the prayer you requested, but the premise intrigued me -- so I wrote one myself. I hope it inspires your friend. I empathize with her. By the way, she's not alone. I am told that one-third of all Americans are overweight. Read on:
A DIETER'S PRAYER
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
He maketh me to lie down on vinyl-covered gym mats.
He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;
He restoreth my goals.
He diverteth me from the path of midnight snacking for my health's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the alley of the Vendors of Pastry, I will fear no weevil; for thou art with me;
My diet and exercises, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me
Spread with veggies and low-fat protein;
Thou steameth my fish in foil,
My resolve runneth over.
Surely, if I follow this living plan all the days of my life,
My hips will be slim forever.
Amen.
DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, after reading your column about a man who had experienced testicular cancer, I was prompted to examine myself. It was something I had never thought about until that day. Not once had I ever considered the possibility that it could actually happen to me.
Sure enough, I found a large lump that sent a cold chill down my spine. My general practitioner didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. But I was still worried, so I made an appointment for a second opinion with a urologist. He had a waiting list a month long, but the morning after I consulted him I found myself in the hospital having my first surgery.
Now, one year later, after two surgeries and six weeks of chemotherapy, I am 99 percent cured and feeling great.
Thank you, Abby, for raising my awareness about this serious disease. I can't stress strongly enough the extreme importance of self-examination and early detection. Your column saved my life. -- GRATEFUL GUY IN MARYLAND
DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased that my column helped you. The American Cancer Society informs me that when testicular cancer is diagnosed early, it is highly curable. Testicular self-examinations are quick and easy, and should be performed once a month. A simple way to do it is while taking a shower. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society by calling the toll-free number (800) 227-2345 or visiting the Web site: www.cancer.org.
MOTHER OF GAY TEENAGER IS FINDING IT HARD TO ACCEPT
DEAR ABBY: I noticed that my 16-year-old daughter wasn't her usual self. So I questioned her one night and asked if there was anything bothering her, or if she was worried about something. She started crying and told me she is gay.
I responded by crying with her and asking her if she was sure. She said she was. I told her she is still my daughter and I love her very much, but that I can't help hoping she's just confused and that as time goes on, she might see that this is not who she really is. I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is difficult at times.
Please help me understand if my feelings are normal. -- CONFUSED PARENT IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: Your feelings are normal. Most parents have plans and dreams for their children, and your child has turned out differently than you expected. I admire your daughter for her courage and honesty in telling you about her orientation, and I admire you for making it safe for her to do so.
Your next step is to contact PFLAG. I have mentioned this organization many times before in my column. It offers support groups, educational outreach and more to families and friends of gay, lesbian, intersexual and transgendered family members. The Web site is www.pflag.org and the telephone number is (202) 467-8180. Please don't wait to contact them. They will welcome you with open arms.
DEAR ABBY: I am nearly in my 30s and have this little problem. I tend to fall in love really easily. I sometimes can't tell if it's love, lust, or just a strong connection.
I have lost some very good friends because I became insecure and jealous when they showed an interest in other people. They weren't leading me on, they weren't giving me mixed signals -- I just fell for these people.
Last week I was so depressed I didn't eat for four days because of an incident like this. I got jealous because the object of my affections was on a date.
Rationally, I know I need to be there as a friend because most great relationships are built on friendships first. How can I tame my heart and not fall so easily? -- THE FALLEN IN D.C.
DEAR FALLEN: It isn't your heart that needs taming -- it is your insecurity! When people encounter needy, clingy, jealous people, their instinct is to run, not walk, in the opposite direction. Counseling could help you. You must get a grip and learn to like yourself more. Once you do, you'll feel less threatened if someone you like wants to take his (or her) time before making a commitment.
DEAR ABBY: My 67-year-old mother is retired and addicted to the Internet. She e-mails me at least five jokes, poems and "urban legend" articles a day.
It is annoying and time-consuming to wade through such nonsense, and I'd like to ask her to remove me from her mailing list, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Please tell me what to say. -- PUSSYFOOTING IN NEBRASKA
DEAR PUSSYFOOTING: Since you haven't said otherwise, your mother may think you enjoy what she's been sending. Say: "Mom, I love you. But there's something you must understand. I don't have time to read a lot of e-mail. I'd love to get a personal message from you, but if the deluge doesn't stop, I'll have to delete your e-mails unread."
It's not unkind, and it's the truth.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl who should be an all-around happy teenager, but lately I've been depressed. Ever since seventh grade, I've gotten depressed at the same time every year.
The first time it happened there were many reasons for it. Around that time, you published a list of signs that point to depression. I fit all of them except one -- thoughts of suicide. Your list made me realize I needed help, and I got it.
For a while I was doing great. But now, every year I get this recurrence. My mood gets low and I have no energy. My grades drop. I feel worthless and cry easily.
Is there a reason why this happens, and is there anything I can do about it? (I live in an area where there is little climate change year-round.) Also, could you please publish the signs of depression again? It helped me immensely, and may help others, too. -- ANONYMOUS TEEN
DEAR ANONYMOUS TEEN: I'm certainly willing to publish them again, but before I do, allow me to direct some remarks to you. The fact that your depression recurs each year is not unusual, I am told. However, it is important that you tell your doctor about it. You should also discuss it with your family. Because depression often runs in families, you may be surprised to discover you are not alone.
My experts tell me that regardless of age, anyone who experiences any five of the following symptoms for two weeks or more should consult a mental health professional:
(1) Fatigue or loss of energy.
(2) Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.
(3) Feelings of sadness and/or irritability.
(4) Inability to concentrate, remember things or make decisions.
(5) Changes in sleep patterns.
(6) Changes in weight and appetite.
(7) Restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others.
(8) Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.
(9) Thoughts of death or suicide.
DEAR ABBY: I received a card from my husband's aunt, "Millie." With it, she enclosed a check. Millie and I have never met, but her note was warm and friendly. I wrote back and thanked her.
A few months later, we received another lovely card from Millie with another check enclosed. I'm sending her a thank-you note today, but I'm not sure how to decline future checks. As I understand it, Millie and her husband are elderly and not well-to-do. Although I appreciate their love and concern for our growing family, I feel uncomfortable accepting monetary gifts from them.
I don't want to appear rude or ungrateful. I would love to continue corresponding with Millie, but I don't want her to feel she has to pay for it. What should I say? -- CHECKS ALWAYS IN THE MAIL
DEAR CHECKS: Thank generous Aunt Millie for her thoughtfulness. Tell her that you are enjoying the opportunity of getting to know her, then deposit the money in the bank. Use it to buy her something lovely at Christmas or something for the children. If you decide to spend it on the children, let her know what you bought for them from their "great" Aunt Millie. It will help them to feel closer to her.
P.S.: Be sure they write thank-you notes to her.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)