Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. I work as a nanny for a single father. My boss has been hitting on me, even though he knows I have a boyfriend. I try to avoid my boss at all costs, which is pretty easy since he works until late at night and I'm usually in bed when he comes home.

But when I can't avoid him, he flirts with me and rubs my shoulders.

I love this job and don't know what to do. How should I handle this? Should I tell my boyfriend what's going on? -- A NANNY IN TEXAS

DEAR NANNY: Rather than tell your boyfriend, first speak to your boss. Tell him that you like your job and love his children, but it makes you uncomfortable when he touches you. Your silence may have given him the false impression that his advances are welcomed.

P.S. I hope he listens to you. Good nannies are hard to find.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my boyfriend, "Jack," is 16. We've been going out for a year.

Recently, I told him I wanted us to sign a "True Love Waits" card. (It's a card saying that since it's the right thing to do, we're going to wait to have sex until we're married.)

Jack was not thrilled about the idea. He said, "We already said we'd wait, so what's the difference?" I'm afraid he'll break up with me or cheat if I don't keep him interested.

I hope he'll sign the card AND be faithful to me, but I can't be sure. And please don't tell me to dump him. I love Jack. He hasn't done anything wrong yet -- and we promised each other we'd always work out our problems together. -- CHASTE SOPHOMORE IN ARDMORE, OKLA.

DEAR CHASTE: Statistically, as sincere as high school romances may be, they do not usually lead to marriage. Contrary to what some people think, you cannot keep a man interested for long solely because of sex. If there isn't mutual interest and sincere feeling, he'll wander off to make another conquest.

I, too, hope your boyfriend will sign the card and abide by it. But if he doesn't, it's an indication that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Donald," is working out of state. Last week when I called him on his cell phone, someone picked up and said nothing -- but didn't disconnect. So for the next hour, I listened to my husband in a bar with another woman. I heard laughing, talking and glasses clinking. I heard them leave together to have dinner. Then the battery died.

I am hurt to the core. Donald swears nothing happened, that she was just his ride. I'm trying hard to believe him, but when I question him further, he becomes upset and defensive. His answers -- or lack of them -- have destroyed my heart and soul.

Why can't Donald say the right things to take my hurt away? Why doesn't he understand? Abby, am I wrong to be so upset? -- DISCONNECTED IN DEER PARK

DEAR DISCONNECTED: You are not wrong to be upset. Your husband's refusal to give you an adequate explanation speaks volumes.

Laughing, talking, glasses clinking could be considered a "date," and if they were so loaded he didn't realize he'd left the cell phone on, your marriage is in trouble for more than one reason. Schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. If your husband refuses to go, go without him, because my intuition tells me you are going to need all the emotional support you can get.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600