CONFIDENTIAL TO MY JEWISH READERS: Happy Passover!
DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old married man with two wonderful children. Two months ago, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. That was the first shock. Then I learned that I would need to have part of my colon removed and would have a permanent colostomy. I was devastated.
I had the surgery and am healing, but I don't know how to get on with my life. I need more help with self-care than my doctor can give me. I also have questions about intimacy, returning to my career and participating in activities with my family.
Is there any place I can find support from other people who have had this kind of surgery? I feel so alone. -- B.J. IN GEORGIA
DEAR B.J.: You are not alone. There are an estimated 750,000 people with ostomies in the United States, and I am told that number increases by about 65,000 each year. One of them is a woman who works out with me at my gym -- and believe me, she lives a very full life and misses out on nothing in her business or personal life.
You should contact the United Ostomy Association Inc. It's a nonprofit organization whose mission is to provide education, information and support for people who have had ostomy or related surgeries. There are many resources available for you. Call the toll-free number, (800) 826-0826, between 7:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. PST. An individual will answer your call and provide ostomy information and referrals to local support chapters and special-interest networks. The UOA Web site is www.uoa.org. It contains information about different types of surgeries, ostomy management tips, patient discussion boards, organizational activities, and links to sources for ostomy products.
Please don't procrastinate about contacting them. It will make a positive difference in your rehabilitation and help you to return more quickly to a full, productive life.
DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old, and I am the only male I know who reads your column. There is no reason for us guys not to, because you give unconditional advice. You help us see different views from our own, just like you do with females. So don't be afraid, guys -- read it! -- READS EVERYTHING
DEAR READS: Bless you for the endorsement, but I have a flash for you -- males of every age read my column. (They just don't always tell each other about it.)
I'm pleased you are an enthusiastic reader. If I could give younger people one piece of advice, it would be: Read, read, read! In reading, you will open up new worlds, real and imagined. Read for information; read for pleasure. Our libraries are filled with knowledge and joy, and it's all there -- free for the taking. A person who does not read is no better off than the person who CANNOT read.
DEAR ABBY: The advice you gave "Afraid for the Children" concerning the two 5-year-old girls walking home alone was correct.
I should know. I am a police officer. Those two little girls are definitely in danger walking home alone. Five-year-olds are extremely vulnerable to predators and traffic violators. It is important for concerned adults to safeguard children. Calling the police for assistance is vital, as an investigation is necessary to see why those children have been put in such a dangerous situation.
Don't wait until it's too late and children are abducted or hit by a speeding car. When it comes to children, it is always better to be safe than sorry. -- BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY
DEAR BETTER: Amen!
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Easter Bunnies Face Sad Fate After Holiday Excitement Ends
DEAR ABBY: Easter is coming. Many families still purchase live rabbits as pets for their children. Parents often think rabbits are good "starter" pets and don't understand what they are getting themselves into. As a result, too many of these poor creatures end up in animal shelters, and children learn that pets are disposable.
Before getting rabbits, people should consider:
(1) Are they willing to make a 7- to 10-year commitment? That is the average lifespan of a rabbit.
(2) What will happen if their child gets bored with the bunny after six months?
(3) Is there a place in their house for a rabbit cage?
(4) Are they willing to pay to get it spayed/neutered and provide vet care?
(5) Do they know that most rabbits hate to be held? Will their child accept that?
(6) Are they willing to ensure that children under 7 won't pick up the rabbit without supervision? Rabbits are fragile; their legs or spine will break if accidentally dropped.
(7) Can they provide three hours of exercise every day in an escape-proof area outside its cage?
(8) Do the adults want the rabbit, too? A rabbit should be a family pet.
If people have questions about rabbits and their care, please ask them to contact my organization. We are happy to answer questions. Our Web site is www.rabbitnetwork.org and our phone number is (781) 431-1211.
Finally, if a rabbit is right for you and your family, please adopt one from a shelter or rescue group. You enrich your family with a new member and also teach your kids the value of saving a life. Thank you. -- SUZANNE TRAYHAN, PRESIDENT, HOUSE RABBIT NETWORK
DEAR SUZANNE: The topic of bunnies, baby chicks and ducklings as Easter gifts is one that recurs every year. I hear from people who work in animal shelters deploring the fact that the helpless little creatures are later dumped when they cease to be novelties. I hope readers will take to heart what you have written, particularly the suggestion that if a rabbit is going to be adopted, a shelter or rescue group can be an excellent resource.
DEAR ABBY: "Paul" and I have been dating for about 10 months. He is wonderful. He is going through a divorce because throughout his 20-year marriage, he was unfaithful to his wife. Paul swears he will never cheat on me because I am exactly what he has been looking for.
Paul's friends are cheaters, too, and frankly, I'm worried he will eventually stray, no matter what he says now.
Recently Paul asked me to move in with him. I am 32 and he's 46. Do you think because he's older now he will really be able to change? -- LOVING AN EX-CHEATER
DEAR LOVING: No, I do not. And birds of a feather flock together. Listen to your intuition. Instead of moving in, move on.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman's Future Seems Empty After Fiance's Sudden Death
DEAR ABBY: Maybe your gentle words will help me. The love of my life passed on six months ago, two weeks before our wedding. I feel like a walking zombie who can't remember how to smile. My darling died in front of me from a heart attack. He was staring directly into my eyes. He was only 39 -- I'm 36.
We were planning our future together. I'm so lonely without him. Now I feel as if God has taken his life AND mine. I want to join my darling because we promised each other we'd always be together. He promised he would never leave me. And since he was looking right into my eyes, I can feel his soul inside me. I feel nothing but missing him and his love -- our hugs, kisses, touches.
I've talked to my pastor; that was no help. It made me hurt even more.
My love and I were together almost five years. -- LOST WITHOUT HIS LOVE IN ST. PAUL
DEAR LOST: Please accept my deepest sympathy. Although you and your fiance promised each other you would always be together, his time on Earth was tragically short. I am sure that as he looked into your eyes he wanted you to go on -- to honor the love you had together, but live a full and meaningful life.
Yes, he will always be in your heart. No other relationship will be exactly the same. But if you allow yourself, you can and will have a relationship that is rewarding in other ways. Please have courage. Seek an outlet for your grief by joining a grief support group. Your doctor can refer you -- and so can your spiritual adviser.
DEAR ABBY: Every time I see plastic Easter eggs given to young children, it makes me cringe. I am reminded of the time my toddler received a basket containing some of them. Almost immediately one ended up in his mouth, where most things go at that age.
The pointed end of the egg was a "perfect fit." As my son inhaled, the egg got stuck in the back of his mouth, cutting off his breath. He was unable to make a sound while he was slowly being deprived of oxygen. When his little face began turning blue, my husband became alarmed, reached in, dislodged the plastic egg and pulled it out.
I am thankful that we were in the same room and were able to take such quick action. Abby, please warn parents and others that these "toys" can be dangerous for small children. -- THANKFUL IN VENTURA, CALIF.
DEAR THANKFUL: Thank YOU for sharing your close call. Let it be a warning to other parents of small children -- if you have plastic eggs in the house, get rid of them now, before a tragedy occurs.
DEAR ABBY: I am 13. Three of my oldest friends seem to be drifting away. I have a new friend, "Karen," who is super nice. We share the same interests in books, movies and other things. But I'm afraid if I spend too much time with Karen, my other three friends will desert me. I have been friends with them since second grade. They mean everything to me. Help! -- AFRAID IN VIRGINIA
DEAR AFRAID: Part of growing up is making new friends. Not everyone matures at the same rate. Obviously, you are getting something from your friendship with Karen that you are not getting from your three old friends -- and that is a plus. The answer to your problem is learning to budget your time so that you are not seeing anyone exclusively.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)