DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both had failed relationships in the past. I thought we had learned from our mistakes, but we've been arguing a lot.
If I ask where something is or have a different opinion about something, he claims I'm trying to make him look stupid, that he's "always in the wrong," and that I accuse him of things "all the time."
Abby, I do not think my husband is stupid. I think he's smart. I have never thought the things he's accused me of thinking. He blows everything out of proportion to show how wrong, wrong, wrong I am. The most benign comment can start a fight that leaves me in tears. His previous wife belittled him relentlessly, but I don't.
We have five children under age 5, and for their sakes, history must not repeat itself. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN IOWA
DEAR CONFUSED: There's an old saying, "Once burned, twice shy." Because of the way his first wife treated him, your husband is hypersensitive to what he perceives as criticism. He's playing old tapes over and over in his head and reacting to them, instead of what's going on with you.
With five children under the age of 5, this may be difficult, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for you both to find the time for marriage counseling. Do it for your children's sake. You may need to be more diplomatic, and he definitely needs to learn to live in the present. Please don't wait.