DEAR ABBY: My friends "Mike" and "Mary" were happily married for 20 years. They led a healthy, active life and were an inspiration to many people, including me.
Unfortunately, Mary lost her battle with cancer three months ago. Mike was her devoted caregiver, but now he says he is ready to live again.
Mike and I share many interests and have been spending time together, but we're unsure about what the proper waiting period should be to begin dating publicly. The time is right as far as we're concerned, but we are worried about the feelings and attitudes of others -- even though we've been friends for 20 years.
What do you think is the appropriate length of time before we can "go public"? -- READY TO LIVE AGAIN
DEAR READY: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that question. Did Mike and Mary have children? How will a quick attachment look to them? How long was Mary's battle with cancer? If it was a long fight, then people in your community will recognize that Mike had time to mourn his loss before her actual death.
In a nutshell, there is no exact timetable for grief. But in my opinion, six months to a year is a reasonable time, out of respect for a loved one's memory, before "going public" -- unless the two of you are in your 80s. (In which case, time may be of the essence.)