To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Teenager's Presidential Dream Wins Many Votes of Confidence
DEAR READERS: Yesterday, I printed some of the responses I have received from people offering encouragement to the 13-year-old girl who dreams of becoming president of the United States. My office has been flooded with terrific messages of support for her, and I am printing more of them today. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl writing in response to "I Have a Dream." I was enraged when I read her letter. Tell her to NEVER let the fact that she is female get in her way and to hold her head high. She is an avant-garde thinker ready for the future, surrounded by a bunch of backward, out-of-date idiots.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Be strong, stubborn and positive that you'll get there, and you WILL accomplish your dream. You go, girl! -- ENRAGED TEEN FEMINIST, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
DEAR ENRAGED: And I have no doubt that you will also achieve YOUR dreams. Thanks for a great letter.
DEAR ABBY: I was taken aback by the fact that "I Have a Dream's" teacher laughed at her when she said she wants to be president of the United States. His inappropriate response was merely a demonstration of his own lack of ability. To say a 13-year-old woman cannot aspire to be president is as absurd as telling Arnold Schwarzenegger, a poor immigrant weightlifter, that he cannot become governor of California. -- JIM DONOVAN, AUTHOR OF 'HANDBOOK TO A HAPPIER LIFE'
DEAR JIM: Well said!
DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old. When I was her age, a woman had four choices: office worker, wife, nurse, teacher. That was it. My sister was told she couldn't go into computers because that was "a man's job." My daughter is extremely good with computers and uses them at her job in finance, another field that was closed to women in the past.
A woman certainly will be president. A woman has already run a major country. To name a few: Golda Meir, Israel; Indira Gandhi, India; and Margaret Thatcher, England. "I Have a Dream" should run for president of her class and the student council. She should seek office in her town, her state and her country. If she's not elected, she should analyze her defeat and run again. She will succeed. -- CAROLYN AUGUSTINE, LAKEWOOD, WASH.
DEAR CAROLYN: She'd get my vote.
DEAR ABBY: I am an over-40 member of the U.S. military. That young girl should hold her head high and use either national security adviser Condoleezza Rice or Sen. Hillary Clinton as examples of women who could easily be their party's candidates for president in four years. In America, anyone can dream of being president. -- LT. COL. JEFFREY A. THOMPSON, MIDWEST CITY, OKLA.
DEAR LT. COL. THOMPSON: Yes, and the realization of that dream could be close at hand.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter expressed the desire to be president in second grade; no one laughed. She was her high school class valedictorian and is graduating from a difficult engineering college "magna cum laude." She had a full military scholarship, so she'll be commissioned as an officer to serve for the next five years. I have faith that she could become a great president one day. I will never discourage her. The teacher who laughed at "I Have a Dream" should be fired, and the tormenting students should be punished. -- PROUD MOM IN BEDFORD, N.H.
DEAR PROUD MOM: I'm sure that part of your daughter's success is because she was lucky enough to have parents who encouraged and supported her. My congratulations to your daughter, and to you.
Readers, stay tuned. I'll print more on this subject next week.
DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "I Have a Dream," the 13-year-old girl who wants to be president of the United States, while en route to meet with our state assemblyman and senator. I have never written a Dear Abby letter before; however, that girl's letter touched my heart. I am angry she is being ridiculed.
When I was in elementary school and told people that I wanted to be a doctor, they told me that my dream was also impossible. There were few women doctors then. We were poor, so I started my career in nursing school. I worked my way through college and medical school. Today, I am not only a doctor, but also a teacher in medical school.
Please tell that young girl to ignore those who are jealous of her and to strive for her goals. She can do it!
Today, I met a young man in his 20s. He is the legislative director to Sen. Nick Spano of the New York state Senate. I asked his advice for "I Have a Dream." He said:
(1) First, do not listen to those who laugh at you or don't support you.
(2) Stay involved in your knowledge of current events.
(3) Read the newspaper.
(4) Become involved in your community. This is how you meet people. You may be able to volunteer for someone during this election year.
(5) Run for school office/student government.
It is also a good idea to have a mentor -- someone in government or politics -- and always stay in touch with him or her.
As I was leaving the New York State Capitol building, there was an exhibit showing photographs of women in New York state senior government positions. They numbered 47!
I hope this inspires that girl and gives her the courage to follow her dream. I wish her all the best -- and hope she'll let us know when she runs for her first office. -- FRANCES MCGILL, M.D., BRONXVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR DR. MCGILL: I concur with you on all points. Bless you for the wonderful pep talk. I'm betting your letter inspires many more young women than the one who wrote. You're a wonderful role model. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: This message is for the little girl who dreams of being president. I saw a bumper sticker once that should encourage her: "A woman's place is in the House ... the Senate ... and the Oval Office." -- FEMINIST IN AUBURN, ALA.
DEAR FEMINIST: I agree. A woman's place is wherever she wants to be, and feels she can make a contribution.
DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, I decided I wanted to be an astronaut. Peers and adults laughed. They said I was silly to think a girl (and a poor one at that) could ever become an astronaut or even study science.
Due to vision problems, I never became an astronaut. But I did earn a Ph.D. in a scientific field. I am a tenured professor at a research-oriented university. So, who's laughing now? I am! -- RHONDA A. HYDE, Ph.D.
DEAR DR. HYDE: And I'm laughing with you. A woman can travel as far as her dream can take her -- and sometimes even beyond. More on this subject tomorrow.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Doctors Who Give What They Can Feel Pressure to Give More
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman physician in a small city. My husband is also a physician in the same practice. We have a lovely family, and both of us love our work. We donate time and resources to our community, including free medical care to people who are homeless and the working poor, and money to worthy causes. We are blessed with a wonderful life.
So why am I writing? Because I do not know how to handle a sensitive situation. Our community becomes angry when we refuse to donate to each and every cause. Abby, we give all we can; however, we are early in our careers and are still paying off our loans from medical school.
We live modestly and within our means. We love our community and want our neighbors to know that we, too, are on a budget. Most physicians have seen drastic pay cuts with increased liability, hours and overhead. Unfortunately, many doctors have left the field to pursue technology jobs with higher salaries and fewer hours. Medical schools have watched the business world lure our best and brightest into lucrative careers with less liability. Please enlighten people through your column.
I hope this letter is legible. I wrote it by hand, because I didn't want the office manager to see this on the computer. -- ANONYMOUS FAMILY DOC IN THE USA
DEAR ANONYMOUS DOC: A wise and street-smart man once observed that no one has as much money as other people assume he does. One reason for it is that everyone has a silent partner -- the tax man. And everyone is aware of the effect that managed care has had on the medical community.
For your neighbors to become angry when you cannot donate to each and every cause is wrong. When it comes to charitable giving, like everything else, people must prioritize. There are many worthy causes, and it is impossible to give to all of them. You can't please everyone, so stop allowing people who sulk to lay a guilt trip on you.
Remind your neighbors that you give in ways other than money. Continue to do your best. You have much to be proud of, and your community is lucky to have you.
DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away four years ago. About two years ago, a dear friend, "Hugh," lost his wife. Hugh and I went on two dates and hit it off. He told me he loved me and always had. I have a deep affection for him. Nine months after his wife passed away, we moved in together and have been living together ever since.
Hugh and I are happy, but I would like to be married. At first, he asked me to give him time to deal with his loss. A year ago, he confessed that he had made a deathbed promise to his late wife that he would not marry again. He wants to see her in the afterlife.
Christianity says there is no marriage in heaven. Even though we may see loved ones there, we wouldn't be married. Hugh says he's working on getting past this, but I am beginning to think he may never let go of the baggage he's carrying.
I want a life with Hugh. I am trying to be patient, but I feel he has let me down. Have you any advice for a forlorn person? -- GROWING IMPATIENT IN RICHMOND
DEAR GROWING: Hugh should have leveled with you from the beginning. Had he done so, you would have been better informed before setting up housekeeping with him. As it stands, he is enjoying all the benefits of marriage without any of the responsibilities, and that is unfair to you.
If it's marriage you want, be prepared to move out. Hugh has some important decisions to make -- and he may not make them until he feels your absence.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)