DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with my alcoholic husband, "Tom." He drinks from morning till night. Now my children say he's bribing them not to tell me.
What bothers me most is that he drinks and drives when he has our 10-year-old son, "Tommy," in the car with him. Tommy described several places where his dad bought vodka and 7UP. Another time Tommy told me his father bought him candy at the movies so he wouldn't tell me about the drinking.
My mother-in-law has advised me to approach the matter "positively." She thinks that if I tell Tom I can no longer trust him with the children, he will try to corrupt them to spite me.
I don't want my children to grow up to be liars and substance abusers. What can I do to fight this? -- TOM'S WIFE
DEAR WIFE: I agree with your mother-in-law on one point. You should "positively" tell your husband that he will either get help for his drinking immediately or he is out the door. Driving a child while under the influence is child endangerment! That he would bribe his son and encourage him to lie to you is an indication of how much his addiction to alcohol has impaired his judgment.
You cannot "fix" your husband; only he can do that. But at all costs you must protect your children. The worst thing you can do under these circumstances is nothing.
I recommend that you attend some Al-Anon meetings. You will benefit from it. Al-Anon is a 12-step fellowship of men, women, adult children, and children whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. The toll-free number is (888) 425-2666.