DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Lyle," and I have a 14-month-old child together. My two children from an earlier relationship and Lyle's son make up our family of six. Lyle and I make good money and we both collect child support from previous partners.
What bothers me is Lyle won't let me see his paychecks or combine our joint incomes in any way. I've asked if we could pool our money. On a monthly basis, I earn more than he does, so I don't understand his reluctance.
I'm not a compulsive shopper. I've never told him to give me the money. We even set up a joint checking account for tax purposes, but he refuses to put money into it.
Abby, I feel like I'm just a roommate who shares expenses. We split the bills down to the last penny, and he shops for "his" children separately. He won't even agree to put our insurance policies together, and we're with the same company! His answer is, "I've always done it this way."
Am I wrong? I always thought married couples shared things. I'm at my breaking point. Please help. -- FEELING LIKE A ROOMMATE, NOT A WIFE
DEAR FEELING LIKE A ROOMMATE: Nothing can be resolved until you and Lyle are able to communicate honestly. Marriage counseling could help to bring out the issues that need to be addressed. You feel "like a roommate" because you are being treated like one. Having been through one divorce, your husband may be afraid to commingle his assets with yours. (In other words, he may feel insecure about the durability of your marriage.) Since law is not my area of expertise, you would be wise to consult an attorney about how your husband's behavior could affect your future.