DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Nancy," is 14 going on 21. She wants to start dating, but I don't think she's ready. So she goes out anyway and doesn't ask my permission. After she's out, she doesn't bother to call to say where she is or if she's OK.
Nancy also refuses to do her chores. Not long ago, she failed to come home after school; she takes the bus. I looked for her for two hours, then I called the police and filed a report. She didn't show up until after 11 p.m. Her excuse was that she was working on an English project with a friend. I wanted to believe her. I told her she should have at least called. The next night, she did the same thing.
This time, I called her friends and found out she was with a boy named "Steve" and she wasn't doing homework.
What can I do, Abby? My daughter will not listen to me. She plans to continue seeing Steve, even though I forbid it -- and plans to spend the night with him. I think she's too young to be dating this seriously. What's the best way to tell when your teenager is ready to date? -- WORRIED IN NEW YORK
DEAR WORRIED: Girls who are "ready to date" are young women who have proven they are responsible, make intelligent decisions and can be trusted.
Your daughter has not done this, and she is on the verge of getting herself into serious trouble.
As her parent, you must quickly learn to assert yourself -- something it appears you have not done. There is a support group for parents of hard-to-handle children. It is called BILY (Because I Love You). For information and locations, log on to the Web site at www.BILY.org.
P.S. You did not mention how old Steve is. If he is 18, he is presumed to be an adult. At 14, your daughter is legally too young to consent to sex, which would make Steve a sex offender and vulnerable to prosecution.