For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Red Blooded Americans Needed to Ensure Safe Blood Supply
DEAR ABBY: For a grandmother fighting leukemia, a child battling sickle cell anemia, or a parent awaiting a liver transplant, a safe and available blood supply is more than a wish -- it's a necessity. Our goal is to ensure that blood is available to patients when they need it.
We encourage our nation's citizens to donate blood. Our call to action comes at a time when blood supplies are perilously low.
Blood has a shelf life of only 42 days. The supply must be constantly replenished. Donors can safely give blood up to six times a year. To avert shortages, please ask your readers to donate.
Blood donation is safe and takes only one hour. To be eligible to donate, you must be at least 17 years of age (some states permit younger teens to donate with parental consent), weigh at least 110 pounds and be in good health. The single unit of blood you donate could help to save the lives of up to three people.
To learn more about donating blood and to locate a nearby blood collection facility, contact one of the following organizations today: American Association of Blood Banks: (866) 376-6968 or www.aabb.org; American Red Cross: (800) 448-3543 or www.redcross.org; America's Blood Centers: (888) 872-5663 or www.americasblood.org.
-- KAREN SHOOS LIPTON, CEO, AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF BLOOD BANKS
DEAR KAREN: I'm pleased to pass along your important message. No one can predict when a life-threatening emergency might strike -- and a national blood supply is something many of us take for granted. This is something that can affect all of us, so, my friends, let's roll up our sleeves and make sure that our hospitals and emergency centers are well stocked.
DEAR ABBY: While I was still married, I began dating "Alvin," a man I met through work. I then divorced my husband -- the marriage wasn't good anyway -- and moved in with Alvin. It meant giving up most of my friends and also my lifestyle.
Alvin gets mad if I wear something he thinks is "too tight" or "too revealing," He goes wherever he wants whenever he wants, but he gets upset if I even visit my parents. He is nasty to one of my children, and I feel like I'm constantly defending my child.
To make a long story short, our lease is up in a few weeks, and Alvin's been hinting that he and I will be moving separately.
I have a chance to rent a wonderful apartment, and I am starting to think I should take it no matter what happens with Alvin, but I'm scared to death to be on my own.
Should I cut my losses and move on with my children? I hate to say this, but I think I still love Alvin and the security he provides.
I have no clue what to do, but I do know I am afraid. -- NEVER BEEN ON MY OWN
DEAR NEVER: The security he provides? It sounds more like "maximum security" to me. You are living with a man who is controlling, abusive to your child and hinting that he's through with you. You may be afraid, but it's time to move out and move on. It's better for everyone's sake. You'll find emotional support if you look for it. Join Parents Without Partners (800-637-7974 or www.parentswithoutpartners.org) or join the YWCA. Emotional support is available if you make up your mind to reach out for it.
Destroying Family Diaries Closes Window to the Past
DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter about the man who read his deceased wife's diaries, written prior to their marriage, when she was a teenager. He had been unaware that she had dated many men, including one of his best friends, and that she had hoped to marry another man.
The man's daughter urged diarists to destroy writings not meant to be read by survivors.
As an archivist, whose job it is to preserve history for generations to come, I would strongly caution against destroying material. Diaries are few and far between today, and offer glimpses into the past. While that family may have had a bad experience, most people treasure diaries as an intimate connection with someone no longer present.
That man -- angry at what he didn't know -- sounds like a grieving widower who would rather be angry with his deceased wife than face his sadness at losing her. We all cope with death differently, and this might be the most comforting way for him to deal with his loss. If he is truly holding her teenage years against her, then whether it lasted 62 years or not, it couldn't have been much of a marriage. I don't think that is the case, however. His daughter should be ready to help him through his grief. He will come around when he's ready. -- STACEY C. PEEPLES, RIVERSIDE, N.J.
DEAR STACEY: It did not occur to me that diaries could be of historical significance. However, if someone is writing sensitive information in a diary or a journal, instructions should be left that those documents remain sealed until anyone who could be hurt by the contents has also passed on. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: To "Sad in Pennsylvania," whose 85-year-old father was distressed to find his wife's teenage diaries after her death (and others who might be in a similar situation), I want to say, "Please don't destroy these diaries -- or other writings -- after the person dies." I am the deeply grateful owner of my great-grandmother's diary, begun in 1855. It has given me profound insight into American history, human psychology and my own ancestry. A vital part of my life would be missing if someone had destroyed that book. -- SABRA IN L.A.
DEAR SABRA: You inherited a treasure. I can only imagine the changes that occurred during your great-grandmother's lifetime. When my own dear grandmother, Rose Phillips, died at the age of 103 in October 2002, our family realized that over the span of her lifetime she had seen the rise of the automobile, the birth of commercial air travel, Prohibition, women's suffrage, the Roaring '20s, the Great Depression, two World Wars, the discovery of penicillin, man on the moon, the invention of the microwave oven, the fax machine, the computer, the Internet, the cell phone and the birth control pill.
Oh, if only she had kept a diary!
DEAR ABBY: That daughter said her dad is upset after 62 years of a "full and happy marriage." That man should be feeling on top of the world. He was the one her mother selected to be her soul mate -- and nothing that happened before matters. -- HAPPY HUSBAND, ORLANDO, FLA.
DEAR H.H.: I agree.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Who's Ready for Sex Isn't Ready to Talk to Mom
DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and dating a guy I'll call Ted. Ted has had sex, but I have not. He says he'll wait until I'm ready. Well, I'm ready! It's just that I promised my mother I would wait, and she knows everything I do. I can't keep this from her, but I'm afraid to tell her. What should I do? -- AFRAID TO TELL MOTHER
DEAR AFRAID: Continue to abstain. If you think you are mature enough to have sex, you should be adult enough to talk to your mother about it. You should also become fully informed about STDs. Call the Centers for Disease Control's National STD toll-free hotline, (800) 227-8922, or visit the American Social Health Association's special Web site for teens at www.iwannaknow.org.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in my booklet "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
The most difficult word to say in the English language is also one of the shortest. It's "no." Yet the inability to say that one simple word can complicate your life in ways you can't imagine, particularly when it comes to sex. So, I repeat -- talk to your mother.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school. Until recently no guy I've ever liked has been interested in me. One guy I've liked for a few years -- "Marty" -- finally asked me for a date. It's a problem because my friend "Lori" has liked him a lot longer than I have.
Lori doesn't know it, but Marty told my other friend that even though they've hung out together a few times, he's not interested in her. Lori thinks I'm stealing Marty from her, but I'm not. I don't feel I'm stealing anybody, and I'm so excited. Am I wrong for wanting to go?
I think Lori is blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Does she have the right to be jealous? Shouldn't she be happy for me? I wasn't jealous when she hung out with him -- I supported her. But somehow, I can't help thinking I've betrayed her.
Abby, am I a horrible friend? -- CONFUSED IN OREGON
DEAR CONFUSED: No, but as it stands, you are an ex-friend. I hope he's worth it.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Justin," and I have been together for a little more than a year. We both work two jobs to support ourselves and make ends meet. I have student loans to pay off and so does Justin.
Abby, my birth control costs me $30 every three months, and sometimes it's difficult to find the extra money to pay for it. We have both agreed that having children right now would not be in our best interests.
Would it be too crass to ask Justin to help pay the cost? -- WONDERING IN VERMONT
DEAR WONDERING: Crass? Not at all. Since the birth control is benefiting both of you, he should share the cost. Put it this way: Tell him it's time to pony up because of economic hardship. From my perspective, he's been getting a free ride for too long.
P.S. Planned Parenthood can provide you and your boyfriend with affordable birth control. To locate your nearest Planned Parenthood office, call toll-free (800) 230-7526, or log on to www.plannedparenthood.org.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)