DEAR ABBY: Several months ago I lost my mother to cancer. I am still trying to comfort myself. My four children were close to their grandmother, especially my 6-year-old daughter, "Vicki."
Vicki comes to me crying and says she misses Grandma. When she does, I comfort her as best I can, but it's hard because I haven't let go and allowed myself to have a really good cry.
Is it OK for Vicki to see me cry? I'm afraid I won't be able to stop once I start. And if that happens, how can I comfort my daughter?
Every week, I take fresh flowers to the cemetery. Vicki always wants to go with me, but I've taken her only twice. Do you think it might help her to go with me? I'm worried that taking her to the cemetery will only reopen the wound of losing her grandma. -- WANTING TO GRIEVE
DEAR WANTING: You have my sympathy for the loss of your dear mother. I am concerned that you do not have an outlet for your grief. Please consult your doctor or clergyperson about locating a grief support group to help you through this difficult time.
I see nothing wrong with allowing your daughter to occasionally accompany you to the cemetery. It will teach her that although her grandmother is gone, she is not forgotten. I also see nothing wrong with her seeing you cry. However, if you think you might lose control and be unable to stop, don't do it, because it would frighten her.