DEAR ABBY: When I send out dinner invitations, I ask the guests not to bring anything but themselves. But without fail, my husband's mother and sister call him to say they'll be bringing added dishes plus dessert.
My husband, "Nick," refuses to tell them it's not necessary. He says they don't mean to offend and that I am being petty.
But they never ask me what I'm preparing, and their food always conflicts with what I'm serving. This last time, Nick even asked me to change the menu to complement the food they were bringing! Afterward, they asked me to wash their serving dishes and return them in a couple of days.
I have attended other family functions where I've noticed these in-laws did not interfere with the meals being served. I can't help but take it personally. I am very offended. What should I do? -- TIRED OF BITING MY TONGUE IN PA.
DEAR TIRED: There is no rule of etiquette that demands a host serve food that is brought by the guests. (This goes for wine, too.) It is considered to be a gift to the host. The next time Nick's mother and sister bring food after having been asked not to, transfer it to your own containers and put it in the freezer. Put their dishes into a hot soapy sink, and present them to their owners at the door when they leave. Then you and Nick can enjoy their gift at a later time -- or dispose of it if you choose.