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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 18 and started a new job as a waitress in an upscale cafe. I love my job, but there's one drawback.

The other waitresses and I get hit on left and right by men in their 40s and 50s. I'm not talking about a few cute remarks but lewd suggestions and asking for our phone numbers. One girl even had to file a police report because a 61-year-old man kept coming by and waiting for her to get off work, even after she declined his invitation to go out.

Where does a man that age get the idea that he can get a girl who's still in high school? And how do we let them down without sounding rude or risking our jobs? -- GROSSED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Where does he get the idea? In his dreams, honey! How should you deal with it? Be friendly, be polite, and tell him that he reminds you of someone very special -- your grandfather.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Harry," and I are having a disagreement about proper etiquette. He says he doesn't have to open a door for me, only for his wife -- even though we are both females.

My boyfriend and I feel that the door should be opened for both women by the first male to reach the door.

Harry claims that he needs to open the door only for his wife because they are a couple, and my boyfriend should open the door for me. My boyfriend always opens the door for me and continues to hold it open for Harry's wife.

Who is right? -- LESLIE IN MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR LESLIE: You are. Harry should continue to hold the door until both women have entered or exited. To do otherwise is rude and thoughtless. I don't know who taught Harry his manners, but it appears he's a little rough around the edges and could use some polishing.

DEAR ABBY: How should I respond to my husband who constantly corrects me when I'm talking to friends and relatives? We can be talking about anything -- movies, weather, the day of the week we did something. And, according to him, I am always wrong. (FYI -- I am usually right.)

It's bad enough when he does it at home, but it's humiliating when we're out. I've tried talking to him privately about this, but he becomes defensive. Then I get the silent treatment.

I have reached my limit. Abby, what can I say to him that won't embarrass either of us or put him on the defensive? Any advice will be appreciated. -- ALWAYS WRONG ANYWHERE IN U.S.A.

DEAR ALWAYS WRONG: Loving spouses do not correct each other in public; they do it privately. Since you have spoken to your husband about this and he continues, recognize that he is insecure and trying to make himself look smarter/superior by making you look foolish. Most people recognize this ploy for what it is.

Nothing you can say to him about his behavior will make him less defensive. He's already on the defensive and it has nothing to do with you.

Marriage counseling might help him see how detrimental this is, and improve your level of communication. I wish you luck.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600