DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Neal" for three years. Neal works from home for only a few hours a day. He pays all the bills, so I don't have a problem with his choice of work. What bothers me is I have no time to myself because he's always there.
Neal demands so much attention from me that I can't even read a recipe without him interrupting. I am not a wimp, but Neal has the more dominant personality and controls what we do with our time. At least it feels that way to me. But according to Neal, I don't give him ENOUGH time.
Since I moved in, I have not achieved any personal goals or even given as much love and attention to others as I used to. I rarely pursue interests of my own and almost never spend time doing things I want to do. I feel like I'm losing my individuality.
I love Neal, and I'm not even sure he is the problem. I think I need to be more assertive about where my life is going.
Is there a book or support group for someone like me? Am I just depressed? Obviously I don't have the drive to pursue my own interests. I will appreciate any advice you can give. -- LOST IN HIS WORLD
DEAR LOST: You ask if you are depressed because you don't have enough drive to pursue your own interests. I think it may be the other way around -- you don't pursue your own interests because you're depressed.
You say you "don't mind" Neal being home all the time because he pays the bills. Why is it that you aren't working? It would give you a degree of independence and self-determination that seems to be lacking. Assertiveness classes could help you, and books on co-dependency could also give you some insight.
Since you are not married to Neal, you might also consider moving out until you can establish where he ends and you begin before he smothers you completely.