To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Full Figured Girl Must Learn to Choose the Right Clothes
DEAR ABBY: I would like to reassure "Darlene in Dallas," the 12-year-old girl who is looking for ways to make boys realize she is more than her ample bustline. I feel her pain. I have been full-busted most of my life, beginning with a DD prior to high school and continuing up from there.
As an image consultant, I advise my clients how to dress for a particular effect.
First, she should not be ashamed of her figure. She is special and beautiful -- and not just because she is well-endowed. She doesn't need to wear tents, but she should choose tops that skim the body rather than tight or low-cut garments that accentuate her cleavage.
Interesting jewelry, hair clips or headbands will draw the eye upward to her face and take the emphasis away from her chest.
If she has shapely legs, she should wear skirts and pants with funky patterns. That, too, will draw the eye away from the bustline.
And above all, she should learn to love herself. I wish her my best. She is not alone. -- DIANE D., NORWICH, CONN.
DEAR DIANE D.: Bless you for lending your expertise. A number of readers responded to that letter with helpful suggestions. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Tell her to buy some "birth control glasses." A pair of unflattering glasses will stop any boy dead in his tracks. My sister got a pair of nonprescription glasses for that very reason. -- WALLY IN AUSTIN
DEAR WALLY: Really? My mother used to say that men who DON'T make passes at girls who wear glasses are asses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Darlene in Dallas" to ask her mother or another adult to take her to a lingerie store for a proper brassiere fitting. There are bras specifically designed to minimize a woman's size. Good support is a necessity for large-breasted girls and women to prevent back, shoulder and tissue/nerve damage. I know this from experience. -- BEEN THERE, TOO
DEAR B.T.T.: What a great suggestion. I'm sorry I didn't think of it.
DEAR ABBY: I must take issue with your response to the 12-year-old girl who wants boys to like her for who she is and not because of her big bust. You suggested she "impress them with attributes she wants them to notice ..."
A 12-year-old wants to attract boys, and you want to give her a healthier way to do it. As a psychologist who works with children and adolescents, I have seen firsthand the devastating consequences of sexual behavior in those who are so young. That girl should focus on developing interests other than boys. She should explore her talents, get involved in helping others through volunteer work, participate in sports, spend time with her girlfriends, talk to her brother, father, pastor or rabbi -- anything other than worry about better ways to attract boys. -- Ph.D. IN YORBA LINDA, CALIF.
DEAR Ph.D.: I agree that ideally Darlene should be encouraged to focus her attention on developing her talents and personality. However, at 12 she IS receiving attention from boys, and she needs to learn how to handle it NOW.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman with a colorful past. During college, I had flings with about a dozen men while I was in a long-distance relationship with "Michael." I was not mature enough to break up with Michael or to restrain myself, but I have accepted my past mistakes and moved on.
I have been married to "John" for more than two years. We have a monogamous relationship and I take my wedding vows seriously.
We argue all the time, and John throws my past in my face every time we have a dispute -- especially if we are arguing about sex. He says things like, "You sure liked having sex with all those other guys," or, "You must be getting busy with someone else since you're not interested in me tonight." John believes that because I cheated on Michael years ago that I'll cheat, or have cheated, on him, too.
John thinks that until I show remorse for my past, we will never get over it. I am sick of having my past thrown in my face and sick of apologizing for it. (Apparently an apology isn't remorse enough.)
In less than a month, we will be in his sister's wedding, and I don't want to fake a happy marriage.
John will not agree to counseling nor can we afford it. I don't like thinking this, but I feel emotionally abused. Please help. -- THE GHOST OF COLLEGE PAST
DEAR GHOST: Much as we might wish to, none of us can change the past. Mature individuals apologize to those they may have hurt and then incorporate the lessons they have learned into their present behavior.
Punishing you for what happened years ago serves no purpose and could be considered verbal abuse. Unless your husband can overcome his insecurity, bury the past and stop taking potshots at you, your libido will continue to wither and your marriage won't survive.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two years to the most wonderful woman. However, we have not yet consummated our marriage. She insists on living with her mother. I think it's because of the many terrible things her mother has told her about men and sex.
I am at the end of my rope. I am married, but not married, to the greatest woman on Earth. What do I do? -- UNCONSUMMATED IN KOREA
DEAR UNCONSUMMATED: Talk to the clergyperson who married you. Then talk to a lawyer. From my perspective, the relationship you have described is not only NOT a marriage but also may be grounds for an annulment.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I live in New York. Her mother sent my aunt, who lives in California, a bridal shower invitation.
My mother thinks it was a flagrant solicitation for a gift. My aunt can't afford multiple trips from coast-to-coast and will now most likely feel obligated to send a gift.
We say, it's only an invitation. We weren't looking for a gift, and we didn't want to leave anyone out.
Who's right? -- SOON-TO-BE-MARRIED GROOM
DEAR GROOM: Your mother. When a shower invitation is received by someone who realistically isn't expected to attend, the person usually feels he or she is being "soaked" for a gift. (And they're usually right.)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Readers Offer Ways to Give New Life to Old Neckties
DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the lady asking how to recycle her late husband's neckties. My daughter is a 16-year-old honor student who teaches Sunday school and volunteers at our children's hospital. She wears them as belts. -- PROUD MOM, CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS
DEAR PROUD MOM: Your daughter is an original thinker. When I printed that letter, I had no idea there were so many uses for old neckties. Hundreds of suggestions poured in! Read on for a sample:
"I have a friend who made her prom dress completely out of men's ties she bought from Goodwill. They were sewn together vertically. It was really cool." -- JOY IN IRVINE, CALIF.
"She should cut the wide ends 18 inches to 20 inches long and sew them together at the long edges to make a colorful apron. The tapers will give it a nice flair, and the ends can be used for the waistband at the top and the strings at the back." -- CLARENCE B., CLEMSON, S.C.
"Two ladies in our church, St. Christopher Episcopal in League City, Texas, gathered old ties from the parish and made them into beautiful altar cloths for use during Father's Day services." -- O.H. STELTER JR., HOUSTON
"Old ties can be woven into beautiful, one-of-a-kind area rugs or wall hangings. Incorporated into clothing, they can become wearable art." -- JEANNE S., SOUTHERN SHORES, N.C.
"My aunt owned a gorgeous mandarin-style jacket, which she informed me was made entirely from old silk neckties. They were laid side by side, sewn together, then finished off with embroidery overstitching." -- DEBE, WILLOW GLEN, CALIF.
"She should use them to make a quilted Christmas wreath. It will become a family heirloom." -- GINI M., OSHKOSH, WIS.
"One of the most precious gifts I ever received was a Christmas stocking made for my 6-month-old daughter when her grandfather died. A very special cousin made it from some of his ties for her first Christmas. It's a family treasure." -- SHARON IN NEWBERRY PARK, CALIF.
"Here's an idea: With that many ties, she's bound to have a picture of Grandpa wearing some of them. Why not mount a picture of Grandpa wearing the tie in a frame along with the tie? It would make a wonderful keepsake." -- DAYNA IN LONGVIEW, TEXAS
"Discarded neckties can be used to make pot holders, table runners, teddy bears, pocketbooks, tote bags and more." -- HENNIE C., SPARTANBURG, S.C.
"How about using them to make Christmas tree skirts? Stitch them together in a circle with the points facing outward." -- CAROL P., SPARTANBURG, S.C.
"I use my husband's cast-off ties to make cases for my jewelry. Working with the wide ends, I cut them in 3-inch, 4-inch and 5-inch lengths and stitch them to form pouches. Then I fold the triangle tip down like the flap on an envelope and put a snap on the other side. Voila!" -- ANNA MARIA S., SILVER SPRING, MD.
DEAR ANNA MARIA AND THE HUNDREDS OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO WROTE TO OFFER IDEAS: The dear lady who wrote asking for ideas is sure to be overwhelmed with your clever uses for ties. (I certainly was.) And if she isn't handy with a needle and thread, she can sell them on eBay or donate them to a thrift shop, a homeless shelter or college theater department.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)