Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Funeral Gatherings Can Lead to Happy Endings for Others
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "J.H. in Yonkers," who fell in love on a trip to a friend's funeral. I agree with you, Abby, it's a great story. Mine is similar.
I dated Mike for 2 1/2 years and then we broke up. For eight months I couldn't forget him. On a whim, I called his mom during one of the many Midwestern blizzards of 1979. She told me her mother had died and the visitation was the next night. I made it through the snowdrifts to the visitation -- the only non-family member because of the weather. Mike invited me to the house afterward.
The next day, I met him in the church parking lot, where he told me guiltily he had whistled all the way to his grandmother's funeral because he knew I'd be there! We knew we were meant to be together and we were convinced his grandmother had a hand in it.
If we can believe that there are pennies from heaven, we can believe someone was looking out for J.H. and her love. Mike and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary in a few months. -- RUTH IN ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
DEAR RUTH: Your letter gave me goose bumps. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My parents met at a funeral 80 years ago. My mother, who always hated funerals, went because the deceased had been a close friend of her mother's. After the service, Mom was very impressed by a tall, handsome, older man she met. The rest is history. -- ESTHER IN KENMORE, N.Y.
DEAR ESTHER: Which proves that sometimes an ending can also be a beginning.
DEAR ABBY: In 1997, I met the love of my life at a funeral of a mutual friend who had been murdered. I was only 16. My love and I were married a year later.
From that horrible tragedy was born a friendship and love that has weathered almost every possible obstacle one can imagine in a marriage. Out of sadness came joy and love. From a tragic death was born a loving and giving life -- our daughter. -- PEGGI IN PENNSAUKEN, N.J.
DEAR PEGGI: That kind of tragedy can make the survivors grow up very quickly.
DEAR ABBY: My father died on Dec. 19 the year I turned 20. My mother was only 48, and I had four younger brothers and sisters. Our family was devastated that Christmas. All the neighbors knew about it and were very nice to us.
A girl up the street invited my two sisters and me to her birthday party on Jan. 11. She said if we didn't come, she would come and get us.
The girl who was giving the party had a younger brother, who had asked his best friend, "Jim," to the party. Jim and I started dating that week. We knew by summer that we would marry and were engaged the next year. On Oct. 22, we celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.
When people ask how we met, I am not reluctant to tell them. I had never dated anyone before I met Jim -- so I say that Jim was sent from heaven. -- MAUREEN IN TORONTO
DEAR MAUREEN: And I believe it.
DEAR ABBY: I met a wonderful woman, who later became my wife, at her grandmother's funeral. I knew her parents, but she and I had never met before. We became friends and went out casually at first. Then we started dating. We were married last Nov. 5. When anyone asks how we met, we tell them her grandmother set us up. Which is true, in a way. -- DAVID IN COMER, GA.
DEAR DAVID: I wish you both a long and happy life together.
DEAR ABBY: My husband comes from a family of practical jokers. When I first married "Vince," I tolerated it. However, after my sister-in-law, "Vicki," sent a stripper to my office as a birthday surprise, I asked her politely and firmly to stop. All my request did was provoke her to continue hounding me and to escalate the jokes.
Her last "joke" was the last straw. Vince and I had planned a dream vacation to Europe. Vicki called our travel agent and attempted to cancel it over the phone. She had our confirmation number and my credit card information. It's lucky that I'm close friends with the travel agent, who knew it wasn't me. Thinking we were victims of a credit card scam, she ended the call and contacted me at work.
Besides nearly costing us thousands of dollars in unrefundable travel costs, we realized that Vicki had snooped through our personal belongings. How else could she have obtained my credit card numbers and the confirmation number for the trip? We canceled all our credit cards, had new ones issued, and warned Vicki that we're thoroughly checking all of our records.
This has caused a huge rift in the family. While my in-laws agree that what Vicki did was wrong, they insist in the next breath that we shouldn't take it so seriously, and we need to have a sense of humor. Vince and I are standing firm that Vicki is no longer welcome in our home. She has never apologized and seems to enjoy showing up at our house, forcing us to deny her entry. How can we get her to stop harassing us, and how can we get the family to recognize the seriousness of this? -- TICKED OFF IN HOUSTON
DEAR TICKED OFF: Your sister-in-law appears to have gone off the deep end. There is a difference between a practical joke and malicious mischief, a fact that seems lost on the woman. Until she grows up and sobers up, you are within your rights to distance yourselves from her. It may take a restraining order to keep her away, but it might be an effective way to impress the seriousness of the problem upon the family.
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 30s with an outgoing personality. A few weeks ago I struck up a conversation with an elderly man in a store. We shared a common interest in computers, so I gave him my e-mail address.
In his first two e-mails, he suggested we have lunch and asked if I was married. I ignored his questions and wrote about other things -- computers and pets. In his third e-mail, he volunteered that he only "co-existed" with his wife and said they were probably headed for divorce.
At that point, red flags went up. I e-mailed him that I didn't think our correspondence was a good idea because it could cause problems for him, even if he was looking only for friendship. I also said I hoped he would consider marriage counseling.
He replied with an angry e-mail saying I had offended him by suggesting that he would cheat on his wife, and that I should refrain from such arrogant assumptions in the future.
I'm not sure if I overstepped my bounds and owe him an apology, or if he is a Jekyll and Hyde who should be avoided altogether. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN CAROLINA
DEAR WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: The right thing to do is stop the e-mails. Delete him from your computer and your life. You do not owe him an apology or any further contact. You thought he was a harmless old man, and you were only half right.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Modesty Must Take Back Seat When Life or Death Is Involved
DEAR ABBY: In reply to the letter from "Offended in the South," regarding hospital gowns, I understand a person's need for modesty. However, I am a health-care provider, and I see the other side of the picture. As a paramedic, we are constantly disrobing patients (including cutting clothing off) to gain access to areas that need examination and treatment. Hospital gowns give us access to IV lines, EKG monitoring, and defibrillation and other medical equipment.
I am always conscious of my patients' need for privacy and re-cover them after I have examined them. Hospitals do provide robes for patients that will cover their backsides. I encourage all hospital patients to request a robe besides the hospital gown they receive upon admission. -- KHRYSTEN, PORT EDWARDS, WIS.
DEAR KHRYSTEN: I'm sure many readers will be interested to know that such garments are available upon request. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Some years back, I was in a hospital that offered a unique hospital gown. It was extremely large and had three sleeves. The patient put the left sleeve over the left arm, the right sleeve over the right arm, and then the gown was passed around the back, and the third sleeve placed over the left arm again. I remember my entire body was covered and I was very comfortable. I wish I could recall the name of that hospital. -- H.E. IN FLORIDA
DEAR H.E.: It's nice to know that such a garment exists, but how practical can it be for examinations or other emergency procedures?
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I had the same complaint as "Offended." I am 6 feet tall and weigh 225 pounds. For years I complained to the doctors about the fact that the gowns were so short. Finally, I went to the fabric store and bought two yards of fabric and a pattern for a wrap-around sundress. The total cost was $12.95. I made it long -- about 8 inches below my knee -- and carried it with me in a tote bag. -- MARCE IN HOUSTON
DEAR MARCE: That's a practical solution for a person who's handy with a needle -- the sewing kind, that is.
DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did the last time I went for my annual checkup. I took along a clean cotton housecoat (duster) and, instead of waiting around in the chilly exam room in a mini-paper outfit, I was warm and cozy in my own garment. My doctor thought it was a great idea. -- COZY IN SCOTTSDALE
DEAR COZY: I think it's a great idea, too.
DEAR ABBY: This may come as a shock, but patients in the hospital are there because they are SICK. Doctors, nurses and other medical staff need access to their sick bodies. Sometimes quick access can make the difference between life and death. So, while the patient's dignity is a priority for health-care professionals, of even greater importance is the patient's life or limb.
I am a nurse on a medical-surgical floor at our local hospital. We are careful to offer patients two gowns -- one over the front, and the other reversed as a robe over the back. If they are bed-bound, we have no shortage of blankets to protect their modesty. Being Southern myself -- like "Offended," the author of that letter -- I know how we love to blow things out of proportion, and frankly, "Offended" has done just that with this gown thing. My advice to her: Build a bridge, sweetie, and get over it! -- RN IN TYLERTOWN, MISS.
DEAR RN: Not so fast. While I agree in principle with what you're saying, our population is becoming increasingly diverse, and it is important that the medical community adopt culturally appropriate methods to accommodate those whose cultures are averse to "the wide-open spaces."
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)