For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Modesty Must Take Back Seat When Life or Death Is Involved
DEAR ABBY: In reply to the letter from "Offended in the South," regarding hospital gowns, I understand a person's need for modesty. However, I am a health-care provider, and I see the other side of the picture. As a paramedic, we are constantly disrobing patients (including cutting clothing off) to gain access to areas that need examination and treatment. Hospital gowns give us access to IV lines, EKG monitoring, and defibrillation and other medical equipment.
I am always conscious of my patients' need for privacy and re-cover them after I have examined them. Hospitals do provide robes for patients that will cover their backsides. I encourage all hospital patients to request a robe besides the hospital gown they receive upon admission. -- KHRYSTEN, PORT EDWARDS, WIS.
DEAR KHRYSTEN: I'm sure many readers will be interested to know that such garments are available upon request. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Some years back, I was in a hospital that offered a unique hospital gown. It was extremely large and had three sleeves. The patient put the left sleeve over the left arm, the right sleeve over the right arm, and then the gown was passed around the back, and the third sleeve placed over the left arm again. I remember my entire body was covered and I was very comfortable. I wish I could recall the name of that hospital. -- H.E. IN FLORIDA
DEAR H.E.: It's nice to know that such a garment exists, but how practical can it be for examinations or other emergency procedures?
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I had the same complaint as "Offended." I am 6 feet tall and weigh 225 pounds. For years I complained to the doctors about the fact that the gowns were so short. Finally, I went to the fabric store and bought two yards of fabric and a pattern for a wrap-around sundress. The total cost was $12.95. I made it long -- about 8 inches below my knee -- and carried it with me in a tote bag. -- MARCE IN HOUSTON
DEAR MARCE: That's a practical solution for a person who's handy with a needle -- the sewing kind, that is.
DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did the last time I went for my annual checkup. I took along a clean cotton housecoat (duster) and, instead of waiting around in the chilly exam room in a mini-paper outfit, I was warm and cozy in my own garment. My doctor thought it was a great idea. -- COZY IN SCOTTSDALE
DEAR COZY: I think it's a great idea, too.
DEAR ABBY: This may come as a shock, but patients in the hospital are there because they are SICK. Doctors, nurses and other medical staff need access to their sick bodies. Sometimes quick access can make the difference between life and death. So, while the patient's dignity is a priority for health-care professionals, of even greater importance is the patient's life or limb.
I am a nurse on a medical-surgical floor at our local hospital. We are careful to offer patients two gowns -- one over the front, and the other reversed as a robe over the back. If they are bed-bound, we have no shortage of blankets to protect their modesty. Being Southern myself -- like "Offended," the author of that letter -- I know how we love to blow things out of proportion, and frankly, "Offended" has done just that with this gown thing. My advice to her: Build a bridge, sweetie, and get over it! -- RN IN TYLERTOWN, MISS.
DEAR RN: Not so fast. While I agree in principle with what you're saying, our population is becoming increasingly diverse, and it is important that the medical community adopt culturally appropriate methods to accommodate those whose cultures are averse to "the wide-open spaces."
It's High Wind, Low Visibility, When Weatherman Lets Loose
DEAR ABBY: I have a different sort of pet peeve, but I hope you will let me air it. If you do, I'm sure it will generate a collective sigh of relief from a few million TV watchers -- and hopefully, a station manager or two might take notice.
The weather reports all start with the terrific computer-generated maps and diagrams presented by both local and national TV meteorologists. However, they insist on standing in front of their display and waving their arms madly around, which is distracting, infuriating, and adds zilch to the report.
A typical example: The weather reporter announces the temperature in Boston is 74 degrees, then he walks across the screen to point at the number on the map. Then the reporter shows how a front is moving from the Southwest, following the station manager's instructions:
"Crouch low, sweep arms around crazily and move to the center of the screen. Stand in front of the home city data. Smile proudly. Point out the local forecast because the map is now completely obscured."
Why can't the old rubber-tipped pointers used by our grade school geography teachers (who stood thoughtfully off to the side while lecturing) be retired from the chalk trays of America and put back into service? Unlike little children, TV weathercasters should be heard and not seen. -- RETIRED TEACHER IN MORRISVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR R.T.: I agree that at times some weather reporters get in the way of the viewing -- and your recycling idea has merit. Thanks for pointing it out. I'm printing your suggestion in the hope that those who need to see it will take it to heart. But I'm not holding my breath, and you shouldn't either.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Graham," and I were married for 11 years. From the beginning, the relationship with his parents was rocky. During the last five years of our marriage, we hardly spoke to Graham's family at all -- his preference.
Graham died last year, and ever since the funeral his parents have wanted to have a close relationship with me. I am having a hard time with it, since we had no relationship before my husband died. I have children, and I think his parents believe that they need to be part of their grandchildren's lives, but what are my obligations toward them? -- FRUSTRATED AND ALONE IN CLOVIS, N.M.
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your children are the only link to their son that Graham's parents have. I'm sure they regret their estrangement from your family more than words can say. Please respect that you are united in grief over the untimely death of your husband. Treat his parents kindly, encourage their participation in their grandchildren's lives, and try to find it in your heart to forgive them. If that's possible, you will all be the richer for it.
DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a disagreement I'm having with my mother-in-law? We can't agree on the definition of New Year's Eve. If the date is Dec. 31, 2004, is it New Year's Eve 2004 or 2005? -- IN A QUANDARY IN WEST PALM BEACH
DEAR IN A QUANDARY: The Reader's Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder defines "eve" as: "1. the evening or day before a church festival or any date or event (Christmas Eve; the eve of the funeral); 2. the time before anything (the eve of the election)."
Therefore, Dec. 31, 2004, is New Year's Eve 2004. New Year's Eve 2005 will be Dec. 31 of next year.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
COUPLE'S MINOR SPAT SIGNALS MAJOR MARRIAGE MELTDOWN
DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He didn't lay a hand on me until a year ago.
We got into an argument on Valentine's Day, and he slapped me twice that night. It happened again last month. We separated after the second incident, but I couldn't afford to move out because I've been a stay-at-home mom for six years.
Tonight we had a minor spat, and he broke my nose. An hour later, his 21-year-old girlfriend drove over and picked him up, and here my 7-year-old son and I sit, while he not only gets sympathy, but also companionship and sex.
Abby, please tell young women that getting involved with married men isn't just stupid; it's dangerous -- and often to the woman he's married to when the single woman comes into his life. -- BRUISED IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR BRUISED: I'm broadcasting your message, but don't expect much response. Men who cheat on their wives are not above lying to their girlfriends. No doubt he has filled her head with what a terrible wife you are and how unhappy you have made him. That's the "lure" to snag her in the role of "rescuer."
Perhaps you should warn her so she doesn't become victim No. 2. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, have some taken of you before your bruises heal. The police should also be contacted, and the battery put on record.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have one child, and we have decided that we are having no more. People frequently ask when we're having another child, and when we say, "Never!" they always demand to know why.
When we tell them our reasons, they go on and on about how we shouldn't make our little girl an only child and how "cruel" that would be to her.
What can we say to politely end everyone's incessant need to criticize us for not having more children? Do you agree that this is a rude question? -- HAVING FUN WITH ONE IN N.Y.
DEAR HAVING FUN: I certainly do, because that question is often painful to answer. You might catch less flak if, instead of saying "Never!" you reply as my friend Sherry does. She says, "I had the first one. It's up to my husband to have the second." That usually stops 'em.
DEAR ABBY: I think my sister has an eating disorder. She's rail-thin and is always watching her calorie intake. My concern is that she does it with my 3-year-old nephew, too. She has the child on a strict diet, counting his carb and calorie intake. Her little boy is still eating baby food (made for ages 6 to 9 months), and I'm afraid he will develop an eating disorder, too. What can I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN VIRGINIA
DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Children have very different nutritional needs than adults, and your sister needs to be aware of what they are. Encourage your sister to consult her son's pediatrician about the eating program her child is on to assure he's getting the nutrients he needs for optimum brain and body development. A session with a dietitian who's credentialed by the American Dietetic Association would also be a good idea. (They have "R.D." after their names.)
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)