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by Abigail Van Buren

Tale of Teen Hanky Panky Should Be Told to Parents

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Dena," is in the same grade as her friend "Amanda." Amanda has a sister, "Barb," who turned 15 last month. Amanda told my Dena that Barb's 16-year-old boyfriend has been sneaking in Barb's bedroom window several nights a week for a while now, after their mother and stepfather have gone to bed. Amanda also confided that Barb told her that she and the boyfriend have had sex a couple of times, including before Barb turned 15.

I am not close to the mother and stepfather, although I do run into them at school functions. I wouldn't begin to know how to approach the parents and tell them what I know. Should I be concerned with what's happening in other people's homes after they've gone to bed? Or should I keep this to myself and let them find out the hard way down the road? -- ANOTHER MOTHER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MOTHER: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Call that girl's mother and tell her what you know and how you learned it. If what your daughter's friend confided is true, they need bars on the windows and a chastity belt for Barb (and some serious counseling).

DEAR ABBY: I work in the mailroom of a large company. Every day we deliver the mail that is sent to the people who work here. On some occasions, I deliver mail to people who have private offices. Sometimes, these people are having a meeting in their office and do not shut the door. When this happens, should I just give them their mail, or wait until they are finished talking to that person? I'm asking because sometimes I get dirty looks from those people while I'm giving them their mail -- like, "How dare you come into my office while someone is in here!"

Abby, I don't talk to them and I try to stay out of their way, because I know that someone walking in can be distracting. What is the correct mailroom etiquette? -- CONFUSED DELIVERER

DEAR CONFUSED: The universal signal for "Do Not Disturb" is a closed door. If the door is open, then you should be free to enter. However, since you are being given dirty looks for making deliveries while there is a conversation in progress, the next time the person is alone, ask what he or she would prefer under those circumstances. Another suggestion would be to stand quietly in the doorway for a few seconds and wait for the person to acknowledge you and motion you in.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Kurt" for 13 years. It's a second marriage for both of us. Kurt consistently fails to introduce me at social functions and leaves me to fend for myself. At the last party we attended, he left me to talk to the most attractive blond woman there -- someone we had both just met. At the end of the evening he hugged her and told her to call when she's back in town.

I told Kurt his behavior hurt my feelings, and if he respected me he wouldn't act this way. He says I'm out of line. What do you think? -- SOCIALLY ABANDONED IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR SOCIALLY ABANDONED: Your husband appears to suffer from social amnesia -- he "forgets" he's married when the two of you go out. You are not out of line; he is. If he had any consideration for your feelings, he would at least check back every 15 or 20 minutes to see if you're still breathing. Shame on him.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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