DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, my fiance, "Rick," and his then-wife, "Kim," lost their son shortly after birth. They had him cremated. Much to Rick's horror, Kim disposed of their baby's ashes in a Dumpster. She said she never wanted the baby in the first place.
Rick was devastated, as was the entire family. Kim acted very shut off and cold, not only during this tragic event, but with their other children as well.
Every year on the anniversary of his son's death, Rick breaks down and I grieve beside him. Is there anything I can have made (or make myself) in honor of the child? I feel it would ease the minds of those who were truly bereaved and let the baby boy rest in peace. -- WANTS TO HELP
DEAR WANTS: I'm unclear from your letter whether Rick's wife was distant during their entire marriage, or whether she might have been suffering from depression (and possibly psychosis) after the death of the baby. Because her behavior was bizarre, I can only hope she received medical and psychological care.
That you want to honor your fiance's child is commendable, but before doing anything, talk to Rick and ask what he would like. Planting a tree in a park with a small plaque would make a nice memorial -– or perhaps a scholarship in the baby's name.