Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Pin Number for Debit Card Is for Owner's Eyes Only
DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve I haven't seen addressed in your column before. I use my debit card often at the grocery store. Many times when I'm entering my PIN number into the machine, I realize the person in line behind me is hovering close enough to read it.
Is there any way I can politely ask someone to step back? Or better yet, will you please make people aware that they should give the person ahead of them some privacy? Last week, I asked a man who was looking over my shoulder to please move away. He didn't move, and acted like he didn't understand what I was asking. Please help. -- NERVOUS IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.
DEAR NERVOUS: In these days of identity theft, many people are nervous (and rightly so) about having their personal information stolen. Perhaps the individual hovering behind you did not understand English. However, had I been in your situation, I would have repeated my request in a louder tone. If he or she still didn't move, I would not have proceeded with my purchase until a security guard or the store manager had been summoned.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and go to a good school. I have a great relationship with my parents, but my sister is another story. She is 13, and sometimes she makes me so mad that I hit her or shove her against the wall. I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.
For example, today I couldn't find my key in my backpack. I remembered that my sister had it last. I told her to go and get the hidden key, but we fought about who should get it. She made me so mad I shoved her against the wall. Then I discovered that she'd had the key in her backpack all along, and I got really angry and scared her half to death.
She tattled and now I'm grounded. I know what I did was wrong, but how can I stop myself from hitting or shoving her in the heat of the moment? -- ABUSIVE SISTER
DEAR SISTER: One way to control an explosive temper is to walk away before you "blow." Take a 10- or 15-minute jog around the block until you get a grip. And while you're at it, meditate on the fact that your sister wasn't put on this Earth to get your goat. One day your parents will be gone and she may be the only family you have. Learn to forgive her for her imperfections because when it comes right down to it, none of us is perfect.
DEAR ABBY: I was the victim of a violent crime. The attacker was caught and sent to prison. I am returning to work after being absent since the attack, and I do not wish to discuss what happened with my co-workers.
What is a good response when I'm asked, "Were you raped?" Thanks for the help. -- SURVIVOR IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SURVIVOR: Say to the person, "If it were any of your business, you would already know the answer to that question." And then change the subject. There is no end to rude and nosy questions people will ask if you don't stop them in their tracks.
Man Hopes to Open the Eyes of Woman Blind to His Love
DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old, unattractive guy who is in love with my best female friend. "Chrissy" is 25 and a single mother. I have always adored her. We met in high school in 1996.
In 2002, Chrissy ran into an old high school boyfriend who was addicted to drugs and has psychological problems. She fell back in love with him, and soon they were dating. He was insecure about her having friends, especially someone of the opposite sex, so he gave her an ultimatum -- him or me. She chose him. A year later they had a baby. When Chrissy finally got it through her head that he was never going to change or give up drugs, she broke up with him.
Being the good guy -- or fool -- that I am, I became close with her again. Over time, I have gotten to know her son and have treated him like he was my own. I do anything and everything for them. I would like to have a real relationship with Chrissy. It makes me sad that she'd rather go out with guys who don't really care for her (she admits it herself) than see how much I love her. I want so much to be with her, but I know she doesn't see me in that light.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to say something because if I do, she'll pull back and probably stop seeing me altogether. My friends say I should speak up or stop seeing her, but I can't. To quote a song, "I'd rather live in her world, than live without her in mine."
I pray every night for God to grant me this one prayer. What can I do to make this work? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING "CHRISSY"
DEAR DESPERATE: You've done enough already. Your belief that you are unattractive may be part of your problem. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Chrissy may be just plain masochistic about men. If Chrissy is unable to recognize the value of what you have to offer, it would be healthier for you to distance yourself and find a woman who's a better judge of men.
I agree with your friends that it's time to lay your cards on the table. You deserve to have a loving relationship. Love is at its best when it's mutual. When it's not, it's torture. So stop torturing yourself and allowing yourself to be taken for granted. Remember: Some of God's greatest blessings are unanswered prayers.
DEAR ABBY: We are a group of women who get together to play poker a couple of evenings a week. We are all well-educated and comfortably retired. Two of us have very slight regional accents.
In our group is a woman I'll call "Winifred," who is funny, accommodating and good-hearted. However, Winifred has appointed herself our English teacher without our permission. She delights in correcting us for what she considers mispronounced words. We are proud of our accents and have never asked to be corrected. We find it not only rude, but embarrassing. How can we discourage Winnie without breaking up the group? -- ACES HIGH IN THE EAST
DEAR ACES HIGH: The next time Winnie corrects you, smile and say, "We've done all right with these accents so far. It's part of what makes us unique. So please stop trying to make us sound like everyone else. We're happy as we are." If she takes offense and folds, deal her out. The alternative is tolerating more of her rudeness.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Hairdressers Get Clipped by Clients Who Don't Tip
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Curly in Chesterfield, Mo.," who asked for guidelines on tipping hairdressers who rent their stations and keep 100 percent of the fees they charge. "Curly" was of the opinion that tipping is only for people who work on commission.
You correctly advised her to ask her hairdresser if tips are accepted -- and advised her that the usual amount is 15 to 20 percent of the bill.
Speaking as a hairstylist for the last 20 years, I cannot believe the number of people who don't know how to tip. Whether the stylist is an owner, manager or just a hairstylist, that person is still giving the customer a service. Many of my clients give more than that, and some still give nothing.
People should remember that when they give a tip, they are saying, "Thank you." -- STYLIST IN WISCONSIN
DEAR STYLIST: Not everyone agrees. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your reply to "Curly." My hairdresser rents her station from the salon owner. She sets her own prices and hours. I typically pay her $100 for a cut, style and highlights, which takes her about 2 1/2 hours. The woman makes more per hour than I do, at a business she basically owns!
I only tip people who work for someone and earn minimum wage. I don't tip restaurant owners, and they don't expect it. They want my return business. -- RENE IN SAN PEDRO
DEAR RENE: And that's your privilege. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a self-employed hairstylist, and I'd like to respond to "Curly." We may take home 100 percent of our fees, but after we pay for rent, supplies, taxes and the salary of our shampoo girls, we keep only about 50 percent of what we make. I would love not to depend on tips, but in the town where I live, hairstylists can't command large fees. I am very grateful for my clients' generosity. -- M. IN VIRGINIA
DEAR M.: You are not the only person who wanted to explain the financial facts of life regarding the beauty business. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Thank you so much for your response to "Curly." Customers think that because we pay rent, we pocket all our income. Wrong! People don't realize that on top of the rent we pay, we must also purchase all of our own tools, chemicals and products. Our scissors alone cost at least $150 -- most of the time more. When they need sharpening, it costs $25. We have no benefits. We must pay for 100 percent of our insurance. If our kids get sick and we can't work -- we don't get paid. We are considered self-employed, so we pay all of our Social Security. (When you are employed by someone else, the employer pays half.) When a customer stands us up, we are not only out the money, but we are also out the time we allocated for that customer.
It is amazing to me how those who have the most money are the stingiest tippers -- and the people who have little are so generous! I feel that when you treat customers with love and cater to their needs, a tip is their response to how well we are doing our job. -- MISS TRESS IN KANKAKEE, ILL.
DEAR MISS TRESS: And so do I.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)