What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Babysitting Grandma Discovers Her Son May Be Playing Around
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Will," is married with three beautiful children. One evening a few weeks ago, I baby-sat my grandchildren at their house. A strange car kept stopping in front of the house, and when I went to the window, it would drive off.
Will and his wife, "Eve," both work. He returned before she did, and I left. However, I was suspicious, so I drove up the street and parked in a dark area. A few minutes later, the car pulled up again, and my son ran out of the house and got into the car. I drove slowly by the car and saw my son and a strange woman talking.
Should I tell Eve what I saw? A few people have told me to butt out. I strongly suspect that he is having an affair with this woman. What should I do? -- WORRIED MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR WORRIED MOM: Talk to your son. Give him a chance to explain. Warn him about how much he has to lose if he is involved with another woman or doing something illegal. But do NOT carry tales to your daughter-in-law without first talking to your son -- if then.
DEAR ABBY: About four years ago, a woman I know, "Cathy," gave me a beautiful matching ring and bracelet. She told me at the time that she couldn't wear them because they were too small. Cathy said she knew I loved jewelry and wanted me to have the set because she didn't know anyone else who would enjoy it as much as I would. I accepted the items and wear them frequently. I love them.
Cathy has since had gastric bypass surgery and lost nearly 150 pounds. She recently came into the office where I work and told me that since she has lost so much weight, she wants the jewelry back as she can now wear it.
Should I return the ring and bracelet? -- UNDECIDED IN ALABAMA
DEAR UNDECIDED: Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes. The question you must ask yourself is, which is worth more to you -- the friendship or the jewelry? Only you can answer that.
DEAR ABBY: Referring to the woman who is receiving checks from her elderly Aunt Millie, I would suggest that she contact Millie's children or someone who is involved in her day-to-day life before cashing them. Aunt Millie may not remember that she has already sent a check, or she may be arbitrarily sending checks to numerous people and charities.
Someone closer may be able to tell the writer to relax, enjoy the money and just thank Aunt Millie, or appreciate being alerted to monitor her checkbook and keep an eye out for other problems that may need to be addressed.
Gift-giving is often a way of staying in touch or seeking more contact. The niece and her children might write, call or visit Aunt Millie more often and give her the gift of their time. -- SYBLE SOLOMON, GERONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT, UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA AT GREENSBORO
DEAR SYBLE: Thank you for pointing out that what I considered to be generosity might instead be a sign of dementia in Aunt Millie. If you are correct, contacting someone close to her could avert a big mess.
Third Time Won't Be Charm for on and Off Love Affair
DEAR ABBY: I met "Monique" six years ago and immediately fell hard for her. We dated for about a month. At the time she was also seeing someone else. Then one night Monique called me and said she was only going to date one guy, and it wasn't me.
Three and a half years later, she called me out of the blue and said she wanted to see me again. I was thrilled. We dated for a month; then Monique told me she didn't want to have a relationship. I was hurt again.
Seven months later my phone rang. It was Monique saying she wanted to see me. She came over and said we should get married because her daughters need to live in a better neighborhood. She now says it was a "crazy" thing for her to say, because it started our "third relationship" off on a bad note with me wondering if she loves me or my house.
It has now been more than a year. Monique says she loves me and wants commitment. She is 30 and has been divorced three times. I love her, but the way she treated me in the past makes me question whether I should trust her. Should I throw caution to the wind and propose anyway? -- CRAZY ABOUT HER IN MOBILE, ALA.
DEAR CRAZY ABOUT HER: No. Pay attention to your misgivings. They are the voice of your intuition trying to warn you. If you are determined to marry her, do not propose without first having consulted a lawyer and drafting a prenuptial agreement. It won't save you from the risk of heartache, but it could save you from economic disaster later on.
DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s. My wife and I live in a house across the street from two middle-aged ladies. Recently some limbs from one of their trees fell onto their lawn, so I went into their yard to remove them. Rather than welcoming my help, they were upset that I went into their yard without being invited.
Abby, I was raised to help ladies, especially those living alone. I was taught that when help was needed to fix a flat tire or to do some heavy lifting, to step forward without being asked. Has the world changed so much that I was off base in doing this?
Your comments would be appreciated. We live in a small neighborhood where most people help each other and get along well. However, their reactions really bothered me. -- HURT NEIGHBOR, COWETA, OKLA.
DEAR HURT NEIGHBOR: You weren't off base; you are a gentleman of the old school. Your neighbors, however, may have been raised to be independent and not to rely on a man's help for anything.
Feeling as they do, they should have posted a "No Trespassing" sign on their property. However, now that you know how they feel about their "turf," don't go into their yard unless invited -- if then.
DEAR ABBY: I have a short-sleeved red "church" dress. What color shoes should I wear with it? It's almost impossible to find a red shoe that matches. Should I wear black or tan/taupe? -- KIMMIE IN AUBURN, ALA.
DEAR KIMMIE: During the spring and summer, accessorizing with tan or white would be attractive. In the winter, accessorizing with black would be acceptable. Or take your dress to your shoe repair shop and ask if a pair of your shoes could be dyed to match it. (I have done it and was very pleased with the results.)
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
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Husband's Restless Legs Keep His Wife Up All Night
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Sherman," and I sleep together. Recently I have noticed that he constantly moves his legs and feet. He does this even after he falls asleep. I have lost a lot of sleep during the last few weeks because of his constant leg movements.
I approached Sherman this morning and asked him to go to the doctor and get something for this. He became defensive and refused. I told him if he isn't willing to go with me to the doctor, I'd have to sleep in another bed because I need my rest. I'm also afraid Sherman isn't getting the rest he needs, even though he may not realize it.
I feel if my husband respects me and cares about my feelings, he should be willing to go. Who is right? -- SLEEPLESS IN BURLINGTON, WASH.
DEAR SLEEPLESS: You are, of course, and your husband is acting like a baby. Since the symptoms are new, he should be examined by a doctor. Your husband may have a condition known as Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS). (An estimated 10 percent of the population has it, and information about it can be found at the Web site of the National Restless Legs Foundation, www.rls.org.) But first, since the patient who diagnoses himself has a fool for a doctor, make sure he consults a physician.
DEAR ABBY: My husband works at a busy airport for an elevator company. Among his varied duties, he must file a report on all elevator and escalator accidents. A few simple rules would eliminate the vast majority of accidents. It would be a great public service if you would print these safety tips in your column. -- DELIGHT J., WINTERHAVEN, FLA.
DEAR DELIGHT: I'm "delighted" to spread the word.
-- Step on and off elevators and escalators carefully.
-- Do not use your hand to stop an elevator door from closing.
-- If the elevator doors won't open, remain calm, ring the alarm button and wait.
-- Hold the handrails on escalators at all times.
-- Stand facing forward on escalators.
And now I'll add two tips of my own: Do not run "up" the "down" escalators, and if you are wearing long garments, make sure when stepping off that your clothing does not become caught in the mechanism.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter was dating an attorney I'll call Clarence. They supposedly split up a few months ago. Over the last few weeks, correspondence from a local car dealer addressed to Clarence has been sent to my house.
My daughter called me all flustered about a week after the first piece of mail was delivered and asked if "something in his name" had arrived. She then explained that Clarence had bought a car and had it titled to my address "because taxes would be cheaper."
Now I'm getting other mail in his name. Isn't this some sort of invasion of privacy, a form of harassment or fraud? I don't have a lot of respect for this guy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation, nor do I know how to stop what Clarence is doing. -- FRUSTRATED IN MENTOR, OHIO
DEAR FRUSTRATED: What Clarence is doing is called fraud -- and you can stop it by simply writing, "Does not reside at this address" on the envelope and returning it to your postal worker. If that doesn't do the trick, notify the Postal Inspection Service.
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