To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Mother Seeks Spell to Make Daughter Break Up With Lover
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Danni," is 36. She was heterosexual until she spent five years in prison. Ever since her release, she has been living in a lesbian relationship with a woman named "Marty." But sometimes she comes to my house and uses my computer to visit lesbian sites, trying to find another lover.
I hate the woman Danni is with now. I try to treat Marty with respect because I love my daughter. But I am considering trying to find a spell book and casting a spell to make Danni break up with Marty.
Do you know where I could find a book with spells in it? Marty is bigger than Danni. They got into a fist fight recently, and Danni came to me covered with bruises. Please tell me what to do. I don't know ... WITCH WAY TO TURN
DEAR WITCH: Let me "spell" a few things out to you. Your daughter should not be looking for another romance until after she has ended and healed from this one. Since her current relationship has turned violent, the book you should both be reaching for isn't a spell book -– it's your local phone book. If she is injured again, the police should be called and she should be taken to a hospital and her injuries photographed. Your daughter may need to obtain a restraining order to keep her girlfriend away.
The Domestic Violence Hotline -- (800) 799-7233 -- should also be contacted. It won't be the first time it has gotten a call from a gay person. The experts there can help your daughter to formulate an escape plan.
Also, please urge your daughter to contact the nearest gay and lesbian center and inquire about counseling services. Counseling will prevent her from jumping out of "the pen" and into another violent relationship.
DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, there was a gun threat at my school. Although the students are checked every day with hand-held metal detectors, and sometimes the kind you walk through, my friends and I don't feel safe.
The hand-held scanners are used only on the fronts and sides of students –- not the backs -– and they are used only down to our knees. Security guards hold our purses, gym bags, etc. when we walk through the metal detector, and then give them back to us without looking through them.
I would like to have this changed and make sure that our school is truly safe, but I'm not sure how. Any ideas? -- FEARFUL IN KENTUCKY
DEAR FEARFUL: Speak to the administrators at your school and tell them what you have told me. If you can't bring yourself to do it, then write an anonymous note. Were I the principal of your school, and a student had spotted a hole in my security procedures that was big enough for the football team to jog through, I would certainly want to know.
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I met a man named "Ryan." Six months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant with my son. One of my friends finally confided to me that Ryan was living a double life –- he had been married for the last 10 years and has six children.
When Ryan went to jail on a drug charge, I told his wife about the affair and that we had a son. For some reason, she still wants to be with him. Ryan wrote me and said he still wants us to sleep together when he gets out.
Please tell me how I can get out of this. -- RYAN'S "HOPE" IN GEORGIA
DEAR "HOPE": Try this. Don't answer his letters, and if he calls, tell him any further communication should be through your lawyer, because the romance is over, but the child support is just beginning.
Aunt Is Not Wild About This Harry's Lack of Social Skills
DEAR ABBY: How many days advance notice should you give a family member before advising him that you will be coming for a visit? My nephew, "Harry," called his brother, "Milton," at 6 p.m. on a Sunday to let him know he was planning to arrive at his home the following Tuesday afternoon for a visit. (Harry rarely talks with Milton, let alone visits him.) Harry was offended when Milton didn't seem thrilled with the idea. (Milton did not say no; he said "OK.") Milton is taking care of his wife who is recovering from surgery and may have been overwhelmed at the idea of guests.
Since the world revolves around Harry, I am sure he forgot to inquire into the state of his sister-in-law's health when he called. Now Harry is refusing to visit because of what he perceived as Milton's response.
I feel it is time for this old lady to say something to this self-centered little jerk. However, before I put in my 2 cents' worth, I need to know if 36 hours is an appropriate time frame. -- CLUELESS IN CURRY VILLAGE
DEAR CLUELESS: Harry needs to polish his social graces because he, not you, is clueless. It is never appropriate to "inform" anyone that you will be coming for a visit. The polite way to do it is to ask if a visit would be convenient, so if it is NOT convenient, the potential host has an "out."
DEAR ABBY: I experienced a random act of kindness and want to share it with you.
I was driving alone from Atlanta to a small town near Greensboro, N.C. It was raining hard, and my car hydroplaned and slid off the road.
A woman returning to work after lunch saw my car, stopped, and asked me if I was OK. I assured her that I was fine, but felt a little panicky about being so far from home. She calmed me down, helped me out of my car, and invited me to sit with her in her car until help arrived.
While the police wrote up the report and the tow truck hauled my car back onto the highway, this caring lady stood next to me in the rain, keeping me dry with her umbrella. After the police were finished, she insisted that I come to her office to catch my breath and compose myself.
She telephoned some friends who worked near my final destination (which was five miles from the scene of my accident) so that I would have somewhere to go if I ran into more trouble on the road.
Then she escorted me to a nearby car repair service where a friend of hers works, and asked him to fix the minor damage to my car. He did it immediately without charging a penny –- and I was on my way within a half-hour.
Abby, I want to express the depth of my gratitude to this woman -– her name is Suzanna –- for her help and concern, and to her friend, Andrew, for fixing my car. They reminded me that good Samaritans still exist in this world. I will forever be ... GRATEFUL IN GEORGIA
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
President Encourages Girl Who Has Her Sights Set on His Job
DEAR ABBY: Last March you printed a letter I wrote. In it, I told you I had expressed my desire to become the first female U.S. president, but my teacher and fellow students laughed at me.
Since writing to you, I have received a flood of support from friends, Dear Abby readers and you, yourself. But wait, there is more! I received a letter from Sen. John Kerry, and just recently, one from the White House signed by President Bush.
The fact that I received a response to my letter from that high up on the ladder of life has inspired me. I feel that I can now follow my dreams and help other young women my age to believe that they, too, can do whatever they want if they just trust themselves.
I have included a copy of what President Bush had to say, in case you want to print it, Abby. And thank you for your help. -- MARTA IN MARYLAND
DEAR MARTA: Thank you for the update, and for granting me permission to print the letter you received from President Bush. (I printed Sen. Kerry's letter last May.) That he would take time from his campaign schedule to offer you his support shows his belief in young people like yourself, who, in the years to come, will determine the future of our country. Read on:
"Dear Marta: I recently learned about your desire to be president of the United States.
"America is a great country, where people can dream big and achieve their full potential through hard work and determination. I encourage you to continue setting high goals, studying hard and helping others.
"The lessons you learn now will help you develop the character and values you need to succeed in life and become a responsible leader.
"Your idealism, hope and energy reflect the spirit of America and can help to build a better future for all our citizens.
"Mrs. Bush and I send our best wishes. May God bless you, and may God continue to bless America.
"Sincerely, George W. Bush"
DEAR ABBY: I cannot stand it when people drop in unannounced! My mother is the biggest offender. If our door isn't locked, she walks right in without knocking. My husband and I work hard all week and look forward to peace and quiet on weekends. It's disruptive when she "pops in" -- and she often stays for hours.
How can I tell her to call us before coming over? We have tried not answering the door, and even throwing on our coats like we were just leaving so she'll leave. I am so angry I can't even begin to think of a polite way to tell her to stop. -- SICK OF IT IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.
DEAR SICK OF IT: I don't blame you for being angry, but you are placing the blame where it doesn't belong. Your mother isn't to blame for this situation -- you are.
Your mother may have no idea that you're so angry at her that you're ready to explode. Say something to her before you do. Tell your mother politely that you and your husband work hard all week and are not always prepared to entertain her on weekends. Explain that you and your husband would appreciate it if she called and arranged her visits in advance rather then dropping over. Then, if she persists, find the backbone to inform her that her visit is not convenient. Until you have the courage to act like an adult, she will continue to treat you like a child.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)