Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My mom baby-sits for my 3-year-old, "Jessica," while I am at work. Last night I arrived at Mom's to find that she had again left Jessica sleeping in the back seat of her van, still strapped into her car seat. Jessica had been there for an hour, and although the temperature outside was fairly mild, my little girl was red-faced and sweaty.
Mother says I'm overreacting because the van was parked in the driveway with the door left open. But I know of at least one incident last year when she left Jessica sleeping in the van, got distracted with something in the house, and didn't realize my daughter had awakened and been screaming for some time. For weeks, Jessica talked about being left outside alone.
I have asked Mom numerous times not to leave my child sleeping in the car, but her only response is to roll her eyes, tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and continue to do it.
Maybe if Mom hears from someone other than me that it's not OK to leave a child unattended in a car, even in a driveway, she'll stop doing it. Thanks! -- OVERHEATED MOM IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR MOM: Do not expect your mother -- who is in denial -- to listen to me. These incidents are recurring because you are allowing it to happen. Your mother has proven repeatedly that she is too easily distracted and too forgetful to responsibly supervise your daughter. Recognize that your daughter is in danger and make other arrangements for her immediately. To paraphrase an old saying: If something happens once, shame on the perpetrator. If it happens twice -- shame on the "victim."
DEAR ABBY: My son works at a place where the employees celebrate birthdays by gathering for cake. One young employee seems bent on learning everyone's age. Although many people are reluctant to state their age, he persists with his questions to the point of embarrassment.
Abby, our son was a victim of downsizing and recently joined the group. His birthday is in early November, and he is dreading their "celebration" because he is over 50 and fears his supervisors will think he's too old for advancement. How should that young man's question be handled? -- MOTHER OF A MIDDLE-AGED SON
DEAR MOTHER: When the impudent question is asked, your son should reply with a smile, "I'm old enough to know better than to tell you." If the questioner persists, your son can put him in his place, and probably gain the appreciation of everyone else who's been put on the spot, by saying: "I'm 29 again, and I'll thank you not to pursue this any further. It's rude."
DEAR ABBY: There's a kid at school named Michael. I want to be friends with him, but I don't know what to do. Like me, he lost his dad. There is only one difference -- Michael can still see his dad. I have to wait until I'm dead to see mine. What should I do? I'd really like to be friends. -- FRIEND-SEEKER IN MICHIGAN
DEAR FRIEND-SEEKER: For starters, let him know he's welcome to eat lunch with you and your friends. If teams are chosen for sports, make it known you'd like him to be on yours. If you and your friends plan some activity after school, offer to include him. The surest way I know to make a friend is to be one.
Extra! Extra! Man Picks Up Newspaper in the Buff!
DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I met a great guy I'll call Joe. Things have gotten serious and we have discussed living together. A couple of weeks ago, Joe spent the weekend at my place. When I got up to prepare breakfast, I was shocked to see him walk through my front door after retrieving my newspaper -- stark naked.
I live in a wooded area with few neighbors. Joe had to stroll down a long private driveway to the public street to get the paper. Anyone could have seen him. There are little kids in the neighborhood. To top things off, it was chilly outside and raining.
I asked Joe why he went outside naked in the rain, and he tried to shrug it off as no big deal. He replied, "I didn't want to get my clothes wet."
I haven't been able to think about anything else for days. I'm considering breaking up with him over this. Joe seems perfect in every other way. He's handsome, successful and even-tempered. I live in a small town and can't risk my reputation by being in a relationship with the local flasher. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of something innocent. What should I do? -- MORTIFIED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MORTIFIED: First of all, count your blessings. I know a doctor in Minnesota who likes to shave naked in the snow. He says he gets a closer shave that way. Of course, he hasn't caught pneumonia yet or been reported to the police -- and his wife is open-minded.
Because you live in a secluded area, it's possible your friend didn't realize he could be seen by anyone -- young or old. Put him on notice that when he's at your house, he is not to go outside au naturel. If he respects your feelings, he'll abide by your wishes. If he doesn't, Nature Boy is not the man for you -- and could be courting a "close shave" with the law in your community.
DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. I posted my profile on an Internet site for singles. The site contains a significant amount of personal information. All the information I entered was accurate except for my age. I said I was six years younger than my chronological age.
I did it for two reasons: First, I neither look nor act my age. I take excellent care of my body and my chronological age doesn't reflect who I am. Second, individuals conduct a search based on only two parameters -- the age range desired and geographic location. Thus, many women would never view my profile because I would fall outside the age range considered acceptable.
I had sent and received several e-mails from a delightful young lady. At one point, she asked me whether the age listed in my profile was accurate. I immediately told her the truth and the rationale I had used for listing myself as younger. She immediately informed me that she was no longer interested in communicating with me because I had lied.
Was I wrong to list an age in my profile that wasn't accurate, even though I am more youthful than most people my age? -- LOOKING FOR LOVE, COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR LOOKING: Yes, you were wrong. Although many people of both sexes lie online -- about everything from height, to weight, to income level -- the truth has a way of coming to light in the end. And when it does, the inevitable question that follows is: "What ELSE has this person been lying about?" That's a very poor way to start any meaningful relationship.
It is best not to engage in false advertising -- and if you're going to post a photograph, make it a recent one so there are no disappointments.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of two. I recently learned that my 16-year-old daughter, "Rene," is pregnant. When she told me who the father is, I discovered she had been having an affair with my live-in boyfriend, "Leo." It was devastating. I am engaged to marry Leo, and I still love him.
I made Rene move out. I know this seems harsh because she is pregnant, but I feel I can have a good relationship with Leo only if Rene is not around. I don't mean to choose him over her, but Rene is my daughter, and she should have known better.
What do you think I should do? I don't want to disown her. Also, I want to raise Rene's baby as my own, and this infuriates her. Who is wrong? Please give me your insight. -- CONFUSED IN CANADA
DEAR CONFUSED: Please reorganize your priorities. Your duty is to protect your children. Leo is an adult. Your daughter is only 16. Leo has far more experience. Your fiance is a predator who may have pursued you in order to get close to your daughter. You say you have two children. Is the other child a daughter too?
It's time to show your fiance the door and call the police. Rene should stay with you until she's able to complete her education and care for herself and her baby. And Leo should help to financially support the child until it is an adult.
DEAR ABBY: My husband talks constantly. He can't sit through a movie or watch a television show without piping up. He has "loads of information" on every subject.
If we are out in public and someone speaks, my husband goes into high gear. When we go to his office -- he is a truck driver -- the office personnel scatter. They dread to see him coming.
I can't speak to him in confidence about personal things, or finances, and trust that he won't repeat everything he knows. I don't know how to stop him. He seems oblivious. It has become an embarrassment to be out with him. I find myself trying to avoid him at home.
Please help me. I love my husband. -- REALLY DOWN IN T-TOWN
DEAR REALLY DOWN: Your husband may be a compulsive talker. He could be trying to compensate for insecurity or have an emotional problem. Since you can't get through, your next step is to get him professional help. It's sad that someone who probably only wants to be liked and accepted is driving those around him away, and it may take counseling for your husband to recognize what he's doing.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is getting on my nerves. She tells me what to do, and if I disagree, she always says: "I win, you lose. I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong -- and there's nothing you can do about it."
I want to tell her that this is really frustrating me and I want her to stop, but I don't know how. -- UPSET FRIEND IN IOWA
DEAR UPSET: It appears you have made friends with the neighborhood bully. The next time she goes into her song and dance, say: "Excuse me! You may be big, but I'm small and mighty. You're NOT right, and there's plenty I can do about it. I can stop being your friend unless you learn how to compromise." And if she doesn't change her ways, do exactly that -- because the person you have described doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)