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Extra! Extra! Man Picks Up Newspaper in the Buff!
DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I met a great guy I'll call Joe. Things have gotten serious and we have discussed living together. A couple of weeks ago, Joe spent the weekend at my place. When I got up to prepare breakfast, I was shocked to see him walk through my front door after retrieving my newspaper -- stark naked.
I live in a wooded area with few neighbors. Joe had to stroll down a long private driveway to the public street to get the paper. Anyone could have seen him. There are little kids in the neighborhood. To top things off, it was chilly outside and raining.
I asked Joe why he went outside naked in the rain, and he tried to shrug it off as no big deal. He replied, "I didn't want to get my clothes wet."
I haven't been able to think about anything else for days. I'm considering breaking up with him over this. Joe seems perfect in every other way. He's handsome, successful and even-tempered. I live in a small town and can't risk my reputation by being in a relationship with the local flasher. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of something innocent. What should I do? -- MORTIFIED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MORTIFIED: First of all, count your blessings. I know a doctor in Minnesota who likes to shave naked in the snow. He says he gets a closer shave that way. Of course, he hasn't caught pneumonia yet or been reported to the police -- and his wife is open-minded.
Because you live in a secluded area, it's possible your friend didn't realize he could be seen by anyone -- young or old. Put him on notice that when he's at your house, he is not to go outside au naturel. If he respects your feelings, he'll abide by your wishes. If he doesn't, Nature Boy is not the man for you -- and could be courting a "close shave" with the law in your community.
DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. I posted my profile on an Internet site for singles. The site contains a significant amount of personal information. All the information I entered was accurate except for my age. I said I was six years younger than my chronological age.
I did it for two reasons: First, I neither look nor act my age. I take excellent care of my body and my chronological age doesn't reflect who I am. Second, individuals conduct a search based on only two parameters -- the age range desired and geographic location. Thus, many women would never view my profile because I would fall outside the age range considered acceptable.
I had sent and received several e-mails from a delightful young lady. At one point, she asked me whether the age listed in my profile was accurate. I immediately told her the truth and the rationale I had used for listing myself as younger. She immediately informed me that she was no longer interested in communicating with me because I had lied.
Was I wrong to list an age in my profile that wasn't accurate, even though I am more youthful than most people my age? -- LOOKING FOR LOVE, COLUMBUS, OHIO
DEAR LOOKING: Yes, you were wrong. Although many people of both sexes lie online -- about everything from height, to weight, to income level -- the truth has a way of coming to light in the end. And when it does, the inevitable question that follows is: "What ELSE has this person been lying about?" That's a very poor way to start any meaningful relationship.
It is best not to engage in false advertising -- and if you're going to post a photograph, make it a recent one so there are no disappointments.
DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of two. I recently learned that my 16-year-old daughter, "Rene," is pregnant. When she told me who the father is, I discovered she had been having an affair with my live-in boyfriend, "Leo." It was devastating. I am engaged to marry Leo, and I still love him.
I made Rene move out. I know this seems harsh because she is pregnant, but I feel I can have a good relationship with Leo only if Rene is not around. I don't mean to choose him over her, but Rene is my daughter, and she should have known better.
What do you think I should do? I don't want to disown her. Also, I want to raise Rene's baby as my own, and this infuriates her. Who is wrong? Please give me your insight. -- CONFUSED IN CANADA
DEAR CONFUSED: Please reorganize your priorities. Your duty is to protect your children. Leo is an adult. Your daughter is only 16. Leo has far more experience. Your fiance is a predator who may have pursued you in order to get close to your daughter. You say you have two children. Is the other child a daughter too?
It's time to show your fiance the door and call the police. Rene should stay with you until she's able to complete her education and care for herself and her baby. And Leo should help to financially support the child until it is an adult.
DEAR ABBY: My husband talks constantly. He can't sit through a movie or watch a television show without piping up. He has "loads of information" on every subject.
If we are out in public and someone speaks, my husband goes into high gear. When we go to his office -- he is a truck driver -- the office personnel scatter. They dread to see him coming.
I can't speak to him in confidence about personal things, or finances, and trust that he won't repeat everything he knows. I don't know how to stop him. He seems oblivious. It has become an embarrassment to be out with him. I find myself trying to avoid him at home.
Please help me. I love my husband. -- REALLY DOWN IN T-TOWN
DEAR REALLY DOWN: Your husband may be a compulsive talker. He could be trying to compensate for insecurity or have an emotional problem. Since you can't get through, your next step is to get him professional help. It's sad that someone who probably only wants to be liked and accepted is driving those around him away, and it may take counseling for your husband to recognize what he's doing.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is getting on my nerves. She tells me what to do, and if I disagree, she always says: "I win, you lose. I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong -- and there's nothing you can do about it."
I want to tell her that this is really frustrating me and I want her to stop, but I don't know how. -- UPSET FRIEND IN IOWA
DEAR UPSET: It appears you have made friends with the neighborhood bully. The next time she goes into her song and dance, say: "Excuse me! You may be big, but I'm small and mighty. You're NOT right, and there's plenty I can do about it. I can stop being your friend unless you learn how to compromise." And if she doesn't change her ways, do exactly that -- because the person you have described doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
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Mom Hopes Daughter Won't Continue to Stand by Her Man
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Cindy," is 20. She's very attractive, with a great sense of humor. Because of those attributes alone, she could have any terrific young man she wants. However, Cindy has instead made up her mind to "wait for her man" -- who will be spending the next five years in federal prison for selling drugs. They became engaged just before he went in.
Cindy went into the Navy and graduated. She is being deployed to Iraq next month. Before she leaves, she will visit her fiance in prison.
I love my daughter, but this has come between us. Our relationship isn't the same as it used to be, and I am afraid that I have lost her. I have exhausted every means to stop Cindy from continuing this relationship. Have you any suggestions I might have overlooked? -- FIGHTING FOR MY DAUGHTER IN NEBRASKA
DEAR FIGHTING: Yes. Stop fighting. It will only drive your daughter further away. She is going into a war zone, and that kind of experience makes people grow up very quickly. When your daughter returns, she will not be the same little girl who went away -- and her priorities and judgments may be very different than they are now. My advice is, Don't blow your cool and say something now you'll regret later. Right now, your daughter needs all the support she can get.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ronald" for three years. He says he loves me. Ron is still married, but swears it's only so he can keep his wife on his health insurance as he'd promised her. However, they talk every day "as friends" and have a daughter and grandchildren in common.
Ron comes here (to another state) to visit me often, but I have never met his daughter or grandchildren, and he feels no urgency to introduce us. Ron has met my entire family.
I feel that he is leading two lives and is happy in both worlds. I, on the other hand, feel rejected and that he's ashamed of me and our relationship. I feel left out, on the outside looking in. Any suggestions? -- NEEDS VALIDATION IN OREGON
DEAR NEEDS: You have analyzed your situation very well. You ARE on the outside looking in. Whether or not your boyfriend and his wife still dwell under the same roof, they are legally married, and he is providing for her nicely. By staying married to his wife, he has assured that if anything happens to him she will be provided for. Since you have asked for a suggestion, I suggest you take your cues from what Ronald does rather than what he says, and find yourself a boyfriend who is eligible.
DEAR ABBY: I recently read an article about a medical center in Maine that has redesigned its standard hospital gowns to provide extra coverage for patients. (The standard gown, open at the back, violates some people's religious customs and everyone's modesty.)
I am disturbed that modest hospital gowns have not been considered a priority before now. A patient's dignity should be protected regardless of gender or religious beliefs. Your thoughts, please. -- OFFENDED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OFFENDED: I don't see it in terms of religious beliefs or gender. Extra coverage should be available upon request to anyone who feels overexposed, because many people do. That should be reason enough.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)