Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Fire Safety at Home Begins With Working Smoke Alarms
DEAR ABBY: Smoke from a fire is sneaky, a silent killer. If a home fire breaks out while we are sleeping, we will not hear smoke as it creeps into our bedrooms, banking up the walls, curling across the ceiling. We will snuggle deeper into the blankets, unaware of the poisons enveloping us. It will grow and spread, becoming hotter and hotter, until it reaches our beds. Then our lungs will be filled with scorching poisonous gases silently extinguishing our lives.
That harsh scenario is what happens in home fires in America every single day. According to the Home Safety Council's State of Home Safety in America Report, fire and burns are a leading cause of home injury-related death. To prevent this from happening, we need working smoke alarms.
October is Fire Safety Month, and it's the logical time for all of us to consider how safe we are from fire. The majority of fire deaths occur at home, where we can make simple changes that can help us to stay safer.
When it comes to our personal safety and the safety of loved ones, we must hope for the best but prepare for the worst. A safe home is within our hands. -- MERI-K APPY, PRESIDENT, HOME SAFETY COUNCIL
DEAR MERI-K: Thank you for the reminder. My experts have stressed to me that every home must have WORKING smoke alarms installed on each level of the house. Additional smoke detectors should be placed inside rooms where people sleep. The Home Safety Council recommends hard-wired, interconnected smoke alarms powered by household electricity. They should be tied together so that if one alarm signals, they will all signal, regardless of where the fire is detected. And for the "ultimate" in fire protection, nothing compares to automatic fire sprinkler systems, which put water directly onto the flames in the early stages of fire, slowing the spread of deadly smoke and heat.
As "Step One" during Fire Safety Month, please make time this week to ensure you have enough smoke alarms. Replace batteries in existing alarms and test them once a month. For more information on smoke alarms, escape plans and home fire sprinkler systems, visit www.HomeSafetyCouncil.org.
DEAR ABBY: I threw a party at my house and invited my usual friends. "Dave" arrived wearing a pair of sunglasses, even though my party was at night. He perched the glasses over the bill on his baseball cap and left them there all evening.
The party was a barbecue outside in my back yard, and my 8-month-old Doberman, "Rommel," was running around. At some point, Dave's glasses fell off and Rommel used them for a toy. I had no idea what had happened until the next day, when Dave called and asked me to look for them.
When Dave found out my dog had ruined the glasses, he demanded that I pay for them to the tune of $350! I don't think I owe him any money. Am I wrong? -- DOG LOVER IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR DOG LOVER: No, you are not wrong. The sunglasses were Dave's property, and he should have made sure they were protected. As his host, you had enough responsibilities on your shoulders during the evening. Dave shouldn't blame others for his carelessness. (Nice try, though.)
MAN BECOMING A WOMAN SEEKS WAY TO TELL PARENTS AND KIDS
DEAR ABBY: I have a medical condition known as gender identity disorder -- more commonly called transsexualism. I have prayed every night ever since I was a young boy that God would turn me into a girl. During my teens and into adulthood, I learned to live with the constant pain of pretending to be a man when, really, all I wanted was to live my life as a woman. However, earlier this year I began the gradual process to transition from male to female.
After years of therapy for depression, ingesting dozens of different medications for a variety of misdiagnosed ailments, hospitalization for post-traumatic stress disorder, and daily thoughts of suicide, I made the decision to reveal my lifelong secret to my siblings, some friends and professional colleagues. Generally, the reaction has been supportive.
It is now time to tell my adult children and parents that I intend to live the rest of my life as a woman. How to tell them, and what to tell them, is causing me great distress. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- "LILY" IN THE VALLEY
DEAR "LILY": Tell them exactly what you have told me. Explain that this is not a whim, but the actualization of something you have felt since you were a child. Tell them that making this choice has been so difficult that it has cost you years of depression, ineffective medications, hospitalization and repeated thoughts of suicide.
Your parents and children are bound to be shocked, so be prepared for it. Answer their questions and concerns honestly. An excellent way to deal with this would be to have the discussion in the presence of your psychotherapist.
It would also be a good idea to have on hand some literature on the subject of transsexualism. One book that's recommended by the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE) is "True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley. It can be ordered from the IFGE by calling (781) 899-2212. Or, visit the Web site at ifge.org. P-FLAG has a support group for parents of transgendered people, aptly called "TransParents." The Web address for P-FLAG is www.pflag.org.
DEAR ABBY: Veterans and their families might be interested to know about a new Web site: www.govbenefits.gov. It's government-sponsored, and organizes 500 federal and state benefit programs, targeting citizens into one single site. Veterans can log on, answer a few anonymous questions and find out which benefits they may be eligible to receive. It's also a helpful site for case workers, relatives or caregivers.
I answered the questions for my grandfather, a World War II veteran from 1941-'45, and discovered 21 benefit programs for which he might be eligible. -- KEITH NELSON, WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR KEITH: Bless you for sharing this information with my readers. Upon further investigation, I learned that www.govbenefits.gov was created by the U.S. Department of Labor, with contributions by 10 federal agencies and several states. (There is at least one benefit in every state.) Hosted by firstgov.gov, which just celebrated its fourth anniversary, the site also includes a Spanish language version: www.govbenefits.gov/es. Bravo!
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
EMERGENCY POLICE BANNERS GIVE DRIVERS PEACE OF MIND
DEAR ABBY: Every once in a while, you print ordering information for "Please Call Police" banners. I would like to purchase some to use as stocking stuffers this Christmas for my daughters and nieces, and also one for myself. I am single, disabled, and occasionally drive on the highways. Once I found myself stuck in the middle of nowhere. When I tried using my cell phone to summon help, I learned I was in a "no reception" area. It's tough being a woman alone these days. Having the banners in my glove compartment will give me peace of mind. Thanks, Abby. -- GERRI IN BUTTE, MONT.
DEAR GERRI: I'm pleased to reprint the information. The "Please Call Police" banners have proven time and again to be a genuine lifesaver in an emergency. Your orders will not only provide a safety measure for you and the people you love, but they'll also assist WCIL in providing much-needed services for individuals with disabilities. (I keep two banners in my glove compartment -- one for the windshield and one for the rear window.)
The banners can be ordered by writing to the Westside Center for Independent Living, a nonprofit organization that helps people with disabilities to live more independent lives. You will receive one banner for a $5 contribution, and another banner for each additional $4 contribution. (Please include $1 per order for postage and handling.)
To order, send a check or money order (U.S. funds only, please) to: WCIL Banners, P.O. Box 92501, Los Angeles, CA 90009. Allow four to eight weeks for delivery. For more information, visit the WCIL Web site at www.WCIL.org and click on the "Safety Banner" link.
DEAR ABBY: My ex, "Arnold," and I broke up two years ago, after he bit part of my ear off during an argument. I had been trying to help him, but that was the last straw. I finally had to end it.
I moved away and am using a mailing service, but Arnold won't stop harassing me. He had a stamp made with my name and mailing address on it, and he is sending me thousands of subscriptions. It has cost me more than $6,000 so far and the police are involved. This has been happening for 15 months.
How should I handle this? I'm afraid that changing my mailing address will damage my credit. -- WORRIED IN VAN NUYS, CALIF.
DEAR WORRIED: First of all, stop paying for subscriptions you didn't order. Call the U.S. Postal Inspection Service (the number in your area is listed in your telephone directory) and speak to a fraud agent. The Postal Inspection Service is the law enforcement branch of the U.S. Postal Service, and what your ex is doing could be considered fraud.
DEAR ABBY: I met this boy, "Austen," through a friend. He has decided he "likes" me. I made it clear that I didn't feel the same way, but agreed that we could be friends.
My problem is Austen calls constantly and keeps me on the phone for hours. I try to get him to leave me alone, but then I feel sorry for him because he doesn't have many friends. I have tried to tell him to call less often. It worked for a while, then he started up again. Austen is obnoxious and annoying, and I want him to leave me alone. How can I tell him this without hurting his feelings? -- HAD IT IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR HAD IT: Be direct. Tell Austen that his calls are no longer welcome and you want them stopped NOW. If he persists, repeat the message and get off the phone. He may be lonely, or he may be stalking you. If he refuses to "get the message" and continues to barrage you with calls, your parents may have to involve the police to put a stop to it.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)