Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SAD VISION OF HER FUTURE STIRS WOMAN TO MAKE CHANGES NOW
DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Waiting in Wisconsin," whose boyfriend promised her an engagement ring three years ago. Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. We had lived together for four years and everyone assumed we would marry.
I needed to take the next step in our relationship. We discussed it, and he told me he was not ready and might not be for several more years -- if then. I agonized about it for several months. Then one day, I envisioned myself five years down the road in the same situation -- together but no closer to marriage. I broke down and cried.
It was then that I finally accepted what I already knew in my heart. If he wasn't ready in five years, he might never be. I moved out.
Upon reflection, I think part of the reason I needed the commitment was that I wasn't sure of his love for me. I also believe that he wasn't ready to get married because he wasn't convinced that our relationship was the best for him.
Your advice to "Waiting" was absolutely right. She should move on and waste no more time. I am now in a relationship that is more satisfying than I ever thought possible. Leaving that previous relationship was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but the best decision I've ever made because I listened to my heart. -- DID THE RIGHT THING, SANTA CLARA, CALIF.
DEAR D.T.R.T.: Making the decision to move on isn't easy. Sometimes admitting to ourselves that what we want may not be what the good Lord has planned for us can be painful. However, the most precious commodity we have is time. I'm pleased you didn't waste any more than you did.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: For three years, the man I thought would be the father of my children talked about marriage. He would call me and say, "Start planning the wedding," and I'd be overjoyed. Then he'd say, "We'll do it after ( )." (He had a million excuses.)
The last straw was when he served in Iraq. We were rocky before he left. I stood by him and cried and waited for him to return home. The day he left Iraq, he called to say he had already asked his best friend to be our best man, and we'd be engaged before his discharge from the Army -- in two months' time.
Well, he got back. He got his discharge and moved to Texas -- and still no ring. I decided I'd had enough. Instead of getting my ring finger, he got another one.
I have never been happier. Please tell "Waiting" that the sooner she lets this loser go, the sooner she'll find a real man. -- NO MORE DRAMA IN GEORGIA
DEAR NO MORE DRAMA: They say a gesture is worth a thousand words. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That woman should not wait another day to move on! My girlfriend was with her childhood sweetheart for 15 years. Each year, he would raise the income level he felt he needed before getting married. In the process, he diminished her self-esteem to the point that she felt no one would want her. She finally had enough and threw him out.
Within two weeks, he had another "sweetie" sleeping over, and six months later he married the girl. -- LIFE'S TOO SHORT
DEAR L.T.S.: How sad that it took your friend so long to realize she had made a bad investment. However, she should look on the bright side. If they were still together, she'd still be waiting.
Husband Becomes Royal Pain After Medicating His Bad Back
DEAR ABBY: My husband hurt his back in 2000. Ever since, it has gotten worse. He takes enough pain pills and muscle relaxers to kill a horse.
Most of the time he is so out of it I can't talk to him. When I try, he gets mad and says I don't understand. I do understand, because I have been here since he got hurt.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I love him, but I can no longer live like this. I also don't want my kids to see him like this anymore. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to the doctor who has been prescribing these medications about the debilitating effect they are having on your husband. There comes a time when most people have to wean themselves off habit-forming drugs -– and it appears your husband is overdue. In fact, it may be time for the doctor to refer your husband to a pain specialist who can help him learn alternative methods for dealing with back pain. It's worth a try.
DEAR ABBY: This year my in-laws sent me a peek-a-boo nightie with thong panties for my birthday. I've met them only once.
I am shocked that they sent a gift like this to me. They have never sent me a birthday gift before (and I am not complaining). But I do not wear thong underwear.
Obviously, I will thank them for thinking of me. But how? And how can I tactfully suggest that they not send me something like this in the future? -- SHOCKED IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR SHOCKED: Try this: "Dear Folks, thank you for remembering me on my birthday. I admit I didn't expect to be thought of in quite that way by my husband's parents! With love, your blushing daughter-in-law."
DEAR ABBY: My mom was running an errand at a local farmers' market and left my dad in the car. When she returned, four people were standing outside the car waiting for her. They had tried to tell my dad that the car had a flat tire. When he didn't respond, they waited for Mom, and then changed the tire for her.
What they didn't know was that my parents were on one of their first outings since Dad's colon cancer surgery a few weeks before. The prognosis wasn't good. My dad's Alzheimer's disease had also spiraled downward. Mom is now sole caregiver because most of their kids live far away.
That those strangers went out of their way to help her and perform an act of kindness meant more to her (and me) than they'll ever know.
I hope they read this and know how much their help meant. I also hope that others will see that a single act of kindness can be a precious gift that's never forgotten.-- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN ILLINOIS
DEAR GRATEFUL: You've said it very well. A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pool of water. The ripples spread far beyond the point of impact. Thank you for the timely reminder.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Young Lover Could Become a Criminal When He Turns 18
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Shot in the Heart," a 17-year-old young man who was in love with a 15-year-old "girl of his dreams." His 18th birthday was approaching, and he was worried that he and his girl would have to separate because he would be an adult. He asked if there was anything he could do.
You advised that because his girlfriend's parents had not yet objected to the age difference, they probably would not -– and told him to talk to them.
Abby, although your answer had merit and was logical, our laws are not always so.
In this country there are thousands of boys in prison who had this same problem. If he has intimate relations with her, which could be as simple as kissing and touching, he could find himself in prison. The girl or her parents could have a change of heart. All it would take is for them to call the police.
There are many cases of parents allowing their daughter's boyfriend to spend the night, only to report the boy to the authorities later. -- EX-CORRECTIONAL OFFICER WHO HAS SEEN IT ALL
DEAR EX: Thank you for an important letter. The implications are chilling. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Shot in the Heart's" story is a familiar one. Let me tell you what happened to my sister-in-law's nephew, "Nicky."
When Nicky was 17, his girlfriend, "Andi," was 15. Andi's parents liked Nicky and were fully aware of her sexual relationship with him.
Andi was still 15 when Nicky turned 18. Then Andi got pregnant. When she told her parents the news (she felt she had very cool parents and could tell them anything), they filed charges against Nicky because he was now an adult.
The outcome? The ruling of the court was that for the rest of Nicky's life, no matter where he moves, he will be required by law to register as a sex offender. (He is also forbidden to have any contact with Andi, whose parents made her get an abortion.) The law enforcement agency that Nicky registers with is legally required to send out fliers letting Nicky's new neighbors know that a sex offender has moved into their area.
This will follow Nicky for the rest of his life. Everywhere he goes, people will regard him as a sick and evil person. They won't bother to find out the specifics of what occurred.
"Shot in the Heart" needs to consider his future, get counseling, and above all, realize that it could happen to him!
Please Abby, spread the word. People need to be aware. -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA
DEAR FURIOUS: That girl's parents were as much at fault for what happened as the young man was. That they would turn on him, and that he must now carry the label of "sex offender" for the rest of his life, is wrong.
I have two letters on my desk from men responding to the letter from "Shot in the Heart," relating that they have been happily married for 48 and 50 years, respectively. One man was 22 and the other 18 when they fell in love with their wives, both of whom were in their early teens. However, that was long ago, and times have changed.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)