For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CAT'S DEATH SHOWS GIRL THAT COMFORT CAN COME OUT OF GRIEF
DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. My grandfather passed away. Then my rabbit died. On top of that, my cat, "Rocky," was diagnosed with cancer. It spread to all parts of his body. After hearing Rocky cry out in pain at 3 a.m., my family and I made the heart-wrenching decision to have him put to sleep. We took him to the vet, where I stroked his fur and spoke softly to him as he peacefully departed.
My parents stayed behind to speak to the vet, but I couldn't stand seeing Rocky lying on the table, so I walked out to the waiting room, still sobbing. The only other person there was an elderly man with a black Lab. With a foreign accent he asked what was wrong, and I tearfully told him my cat had just been put to sleep.
He handed me a tissue and said, "You made the right choice, dear. You were very unselfish. Just think how your pet would have suffered had you not done this for him."
I asked if he had ever put a pet to sleep, and he nodded. "Many times," he said. "Although it is sad, I think of it as one last act of love." I thought about his words because I had never thought of it like that. "Here," the man said, gesturing to his dog, "sometimes animals can comfort best." I knelt beside his dog, still crying, and the friendly Lab made me smile in spite of my sadness.
Then my parents came out and said it was time to go. I never found out the man's name, but I'd like to thank him for that act of kindness. I'll never forget how he helped me when I was hurting. -- MISSING ROCKY IN MOUNT PROSPECT, ILL.
DEAR MISSING ROCKY: Our guardian angels seem to show up just when we need them most. (I'll bet you didn't expect yours to have an accent and a canine companion.) The following may bring more comfort to you. It's worth remembering.
A DOG'S PRAYER
by Beth Norman Harris
Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of mine.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though you had no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshipper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -– and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.
Girl Looks for Best Lure to Reel in Her Mr. Right
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old nursing major at a Christian college. I live off campus.
Someday I would like to be married, but I am really particular. I've been trying to get to know people and wouldn't consider myself shy, although I do worry I will never meet "Mr. Right."
There have been a few good prospects, but I see them only in passing when I am on campus for classes.
Abby, what's the best way to show interest in a guy without scaring him away? Are there any creative, nonthreatening kosher ways to spark their interest in me, as well?
I'm afraid I will not be able to catch the person of my dreams. -- LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOOKING: Just be yourself. And if you're smart, you'll invent excuses to spend more time on campus. Join the staff of the school newspaper, study in the library, work out at the school gym, get a part-time job on campus. It will give you a reason to interact with eligible "fellow" students.
(And by the way, another technique for getting to know someone is to ask if you can study together before an exam.)
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Andy," is a Marine. When he was fighting in Iraq, he sent me e-mails saying how much he missed me and couldn't wait to be with me.
When Andy came home, he was a completely different person!
We got pregnant soon after, and he seemed OK with it at first. Then he was sent back to Iraq. He started fighting with me long-distance and telling me to get an abortion, but he said he still loved me.
About two months ago, he stopped telling me he loves me. He never talks about our baby that's due soon. He has never helped financially.
Andy is now back from Iraq, and he says he loves me but has "a lot to work out." He's so distant now. What should I do? Please help. -- IN LOVE AND HURTING
DEAR HURTING: You both need help. Your boyfriend may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Fortunately, there is help for it through the Veterans Administration. Please urge him to get it now before it affects his future -- and yours and the baby's.
Until Andy is emotionally stronger, you will have to find support from friends and family. I wish you both luck.
DEAR ABBY: I live in a town that is large enough that everyone does not know everyone else, but small enough that jobs are not easy to come by.
My niece is a lovely, moral girl. She works in the photo department of a drugstore, where one of her duties is to monitor the one-hour photo machine. Recently she developed some photos of a young female customer that were frankly pornographic. Is this legal? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN SMALLTOWN, USA
DEAR CONCERNED: A judge once said it may not be easy to define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. Unfortunately, there's quite a stretch between what's tasteful and what's legal. Because what is pornographic and what is acceptable may have to do with community standards and can vary from place to place, perhaps the person to answer that question would be your chief of police.
P.S. If the customer is underage, the police should be notified anyway.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Travelers With Alzheimer's Require Caregiver's Company
DEAR ABBY: I work for a major airline and saw something today that was very disturbing but more common than you might think. A relative of an 87-year-old lady with Alzheimer's disease put her on a plane with a card pinned to her clothes with her name and information written on it. It was not a nonstop flight, and we were asked to make sure she didn't get off the plane before her final destination. The traveler obviously had no idea where she was going or what to do.
Abby, as you know, things can happen when people fly. Weather and mechanical problems can leave passengers stranded away from home or their destination. Can you imagine how that would affect an already scared and confused lady?
Airline personnel are not baby sitters. People with this mental capacity should be escorted when traveling. Between elderly travelers and inexperienced travelers, we have a lot to deal with during peak seasons. -- CONCERNED AIRLINE EMPLOYEE, AMARILLO, TEXAS
DEAR CONCERNED: I can see why you're concerned. All it would take for tragedy to strike is a flight attendant who is momentarily distracted and a traveler with diminished capacity who follows people off the plane and blends into the crowd in the terminal.
The Alzheimer's Association urges families to always have a caregiver accompany someone with Alzheimer's while traveling. It also offers helpful travel tips for the caregiver. Read on:
(1) Get plenty of rest before the trip.
(2) Dress the patient in clothes that are easy to put on and remove (skirts with elastic bands for women; sweatpants for men).
(3) Have the patient wear an ID bracelet at all times. Information on it should include: name, address and phone number. In addition, inside the patient's purse or pocket, place a card with the name of the hotel or person you'll be visiting.
(4) Be sure to carry pertinent medications, medical records and insurance cards with you. (Also the tickets and money.)
(5) Check all luggage at the curb through to the final destination.
(6) Realize that change may create confusion and disorientation. Be realistic. Know going in that strange people, accommodations, time changes and busy terminals are all known to precipitate panic in AD patients.
(7) Keep the patient's diet and dining times simple and consistent.
(8) Do not travel at peak hours and seasons if at all possible.
(9) Carry a small sign that reads, "Please be patient. My ( ) has memory loss/Alzheimer's disease" to alert others of your special situation.
(10) If the AD patient is of the opposite sex and in a public restroom, ask someone to look in on him or her if it seems like it's taking a long time. Or place an "Occupied" sign on the door.
(11) Be patient. Reassuring the traveler with memory loss may mean reminding him or her repeatedly of where he or she is going.
Readers, for more valuable tips and suggestions, call the Alzheimer's Association toll-free at (800) 272-3900. Someone will be there to help you 24/7.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)