DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," and I were married in Las Vegas. It was a second marriage for both of us. We had planned on a small, quiet wedding with only his brother and sister-in-law as witnesses.
Without consulting Bob or me, his sister-in-law "surprised" us by upgrading our hotel room to a suite that adjoined theirs. In addition, she invited several surprise guests -- one of whom was "Anna," my husband's former high school sweetheart. (She had been a foreign exchange student from Germany and happened to be visiting the U.S. at the time.)
Anna has been married for many years and has two grown sons. I had always known that Bob's family was fond of her and had remained in touch over the years. They even visited Anna and her family in Europe twice.
I did my best not to overreact, but Anna's surprise appearance completely ruined my wedding -- not to mention the honeymoon. (My husband and I hardly had a minute to ourselves.)
We have now been married three years. Bob adopted my little boy and is a wonderful husband and father. I feel truly blessed to have such a happy home.
The problem? Anna is once again planning a trip to the U.S. to see Bob and the family. I see red every time I hear them singing her praises. (Not since Mother Teresa has there been such a saint!) I am filled with anger and dread over her impending visit and cannot imagine how I'll get through it. Bob knows how I feel. He says he loves me and there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Am I being unreasonable -- or is this an unreasonable situation? -- HAPPY/UNHAPPY WIFE IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR HAPPY/UNHAPPY: I wouldn't call you unreasonable. Unrealistic is more like it. There is an old saying, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Anna is an old family friend from the past. Her romance with your husband is long over -- and there is our whole country and the Atlantic Ocean between them. Please don't put yourself in the middle. Give her a hearty welcome. She won't be here long -- and you might even grow to like her.